Calling all Jewish parents.....

[Crunchie]

Looking at a couple of the education threads there's a few posters who want to know how to include some traditions and stuff into the household. In some ways to conteract the broadly christian teaching at our schools.

I know myself and Rolymoly are interested in this, is there anyone else who can share their family traditions and help us create a jewish household??

[Kayleigh]

I'm Jewish but married out. However dh and I agreed that (as is Jewish tradition, where the children take the mothers religion) our children would be Jewish by religion. My boys are 6 and 3.
We do celebrate the Jewish festivals with friends and (my) family but we also celebrate christmas and easter, although the last two not in a religious way. Last year we had our menora up at the same time as our xmas tree

I feel it's important for my boys to know both religions seeing as they come from a mixed home/family. Have thought a couple of times about lighting the candles regularly on a friday night.
Do any of you ?

[binkie]

My dh's grandparents escaped Nazi Germany, and the family have since chosen to become completely secular. I'm Church of Scotland if anything so not really in a place to interfere with wider family choices - so our solution was to include Jewish friends among our children's "god"parents ("god" thus in case word isn't quite appropriate) - with special request to help with those traditions - think this is going to work very well for us all. Dd has just been a bridesmaid for her godmother, at the most amazingly moving Jewish wedding blessing.

[melsy]

Im from a rather mixed jewish family -- some are rabbis and quite orthodox, others have married out. Im not very religious,although my MIL would rather I was more, but I love the traditions and do a little nod to them around festivals and holidays.When I make casserole and chicken soup it has to be Kosher though. Yes I know some of you may say its hypcritical, but I like the taste and find its much cleaner & it means I dont feel bad feeding it to my MIL !!!!

When I do go to synangogue(weddings/blessings etc) I love to sit and just be quiet and calm, its lovely to hear the praying and the singing.

As dd grows up I would like her to see some of the the nice things about the religion. Like friday night candles and menoras and going to shul on a sat with daddy. Especially if we send her to a jewish school to be with her cousins.

[twiglett]

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[Kayleigh]

twiglett, I feel very much the same as you. My religion is important to me. But in so much as I feel very strongly that being jewish was about how we were brought up as well as the religious part of it.

Our ds1 was circumsied by a moyle/gp too. Unfortunately ds1 had the same condition (tight foreskin) that dh had (dh is circumsised because of this). The circumsision took ages and was very bloody (apparently - I was upstairs!). My dh nearly passed out! Consequently we had ds2 circumsiced in a hospital

[Kayleigh]

Meant to say Twiglett that my mum has bought my boys a couple of great books. A hanukah one and a pesach one. We just stick them in with the rest of the books and they read them like any other story. If you have any "jewish" shops near you you can get them from there. I think the pesach one is a turn the flap book too which ds2 loves.

[Crunchie]

We found a couple pf books by Dorling Kindersley which my kids do look at. Like most of us here, I married out but as the religion passes through the mother dh is happy for the girls to be jewish. What I want to do is to introduce our traditions into the house, I think I may start Friday night candles, even though the kids will have eaten and I get home at 6. We could do the candles and bread and wine !! Good excuse to open a bottle I want to start DD aged 5 at Cheder from September I think, she is getting more and more Christian infor from school and comes home to tell me I am wrong if I don't believe in Jesus - that is what has sparked this thread. I love the family values and IMHO the simplicity of the jewish religion (no-one has yet explained the trilogy to me in a way that convinces me) and it is that I want to pass on.

My background is a bit strange I suppose, my dad is liberal jewish, he married my mum who converted from CofE. All my dads brothers/sisters also married out and therefore dropped their faith. My bbrothers have also all married out, my eldest brother is great, he takes his dd to synagogue and is really involved. My middle brother is very anti organised religion and also married out so is avoiding anything at the mo. I wanted to keep it up and realise it is crunch time to do it. DH is happy to have both Easter/Passover Christmas/Channukah and understands my unease at teh school. I am so glad I am not alone, that is why I started this.

[lou33]

Crunchie, what about having a chat with Saul ?!

[Crunchie]

Good idea!!

[strangerthanfiction]

Hi Crunchie, like just about everyone else here, I'm Jewish but my partner isn't. I'm kind of mixed up about what I feel about religion, as were my parents. My father lost all his family in the war and converted to catholicism when he married his second wife (lost first wife and baby at just 18) in Malta. My mom was his 4th wife and although Jewish wasn't brought up religiously at all. My brother and I went to Catholic school which put the fear of G*d into me but never felt quite right. Over the years I've realised I miss the sense of ritual in my life and I don't get excited at all about the Christian festivals though dp does. Dd is Jewish of course in terms of her 'blood line' but I don't know whether / how to push that aspect of her upbringing. I often think about it. I'll be very interested to hear what other people think.

[suedonim]

I'll be following this thread with interest as ds1 and I had a long phone conversation on a similar subject just last night. Ds1 is married to an American Jewish girl (they live in LA) and she has just decided to train as a rabbi. Ds1 will have to convert (nominally CofE) to Judaism.

His inlaws are quite faithful to their religion, shabbat dinner on Fri, going to the Temple and so on. We were discussing things from the opposite side - how to keep ds's British culture alive in such circumstances, though ds feels that his background and differences will be celebrated and encouraged by people in the US.

Can someone recommend a book for me on being Jewish, customs etc? I have had a cookery book from the library about the various celebrations but would like to know more background. But not too complicated!!

[Crunchie]

Suedonim, there is one book I can recommend called 'On Being Jewish' by Rabbi Julia Neuberger. Amazon has a great review on this too, but only one used book. Julia Neuberger is a great rabbi, I knew her through my synagogue when I was a kid, she went onto be an MP too!!

[prettycandles]

I must recommend a super book called 'The Blessing of a Skinned Knee' by Wendy Mogel.

I too am in a mixed marriage - I'm Jewish, dh isn't. Although we have agreed to bring up our children as Jews together with his own home festivities (ie Christmas), I have really struggled to brign Yiddishkeit into our home.

This book is brilliant because it suggests Jewish ways of thinking and living, which seem to go beyond simply keeping all the laws.

[suedonim]

Thanks for those titles! I like Julia N - she's often on the radio and seems such a lovely person.

[Tallgirl]

This is an interesting thread and suprised i've not seen one on here before. I seem to subscribe to the general rule as i am Jewish and my partner isnt (my sister also married to non-jew). Both my parents are Jewish and brought up 'liberally' but have never really practised and apart from our next door neighbours being 'of the faith' the only Jews I come into contact with are my own extended family who live in North London and hence we dont seem them that often. I am not at all religious and although DS and DS/DD2 (due September) are technically Jewish we do not do anything but i still will want them to know and appreciate the cultural significance. I dont really want to get involved in any of the rituals as it is just not part of our life (we used to do Hannukah as kids and my parents had the thing on the door) but not any more. It is good to know there are fellow mumsnetters out there in the same boat.

[Crunchie]

bump to get some of you evening peoples input!!

[maomao]

Hi,

This might be a helpful link . Has lots about Jewish customs and recipes and whatnot.

[rolymoly]

Crunchie, I'm so glad you started this! I have been following it during the day but have only just found time to contribute.

Like lots of you my partner is not Jewish. I was brought up with a strong sense of being Jewish, but not of affiliation to Judaism. I have only been to synagogue a few times in my life, but we always had seders, lit candles at Hannukah, and sometimes did the blessings etc on Friday night when we visited my cousins. I would like my dds to feel roughly the same sense of cultural Jewishness that I do, but because of my lack of religious knowledge and because apart from my own extended family I don't know many Jews, it is hard for me to create that.

It is interesting to find out how common this feeling, or something like it, is! I am trying to learn more about Judaism so I can explain things to my children better, but I also want to learn and teach them about Jewish history, culture etc. I keep resolving to do Friday nights with them but then not doing it. I think I find it hard to imagine myself taking the lead doing the blessings, but it would have to be me.

I think one of the hard things about being married/partnered 'out' (that expression sounds so old-fashioned to me; it was how my grandmother referred to her aunt who was cut off by her whole family for doing it) is that inevitably the whole responsibility for doing anything Jewish falls on the Jewish partner, however sympathetic the non-Jewish one is.

[acnebride]

Great to see this thread, especially as I should be at shul for Shavuot tonight I was brought up C of E, was quite religious until huge fight with calvinist acquaintance about original sin, dp is Jewish by conversion (father secular Jewish). I'm currently doing the same conversion course but not planning to convert myself - however i will go in front of the Beth Din to 'convert' ds and any other future children. He has been circumcised which was truly awful although no problems - mohel/GP again.

We usually light shabbat candles and read the service, sometimes also Havdalah on sunday night as it makes sense to me. I go to shabbat eve service about once every two weeks. We plan to take ds to cheder eventually and to follow festivals tho not in a hugely observant fashion. DP doesn't keep kosher so neither do I. We will also celebrate main Christian festivals, plus of course the festival of Jesus' circumcision on 1 Jan... Funniest moment for me was just before Christmas when I went to shul while dh went carol singing.

I find it easy to be at synagogue because they're not always trying to convert me and there's no detailed theology to object to. Going to church and saying the Creed is really hard these days - feel a real hypocrite.

[bunnyrabbit]

Very interested in this thread as there's something which has been on my mind since DS was born.

Like Tallgirl I am jewish but had a very liberal upbringing, although my parents were both brought up orthodox. I married out and my husband is an atheist.

The thing is, although I have fond memories of shabbat on a friday night, and huge family gatherings at pesach, I am myself really an agnostic. So... why do I feel the need to cling to my jewish heritage?

So here's the crunch, we did not have DS circumcised. I wanted him to be, but DH didn't. He says if DS wants to follow a religion he wants him to be able to choose when he is old enough. But he has no idea what it would be like for a mature male to be circumcised. If it's done now DS will have no memory of it and have a far wider choice of faiths to follow. DH says that if he wants to follow a faith enough, he can choose to be circumcised.

Why is this so important to me? I don't even really believe in judaism itself, it's only the traditions and family orientaion that I hanker after. Am I really being unreasonable??

Your opinions gratefully accepted.

BR

[rolymoly]

Bunnyrabbit, that's a really hard one. I was so glad to have girls so that I didn't have to deal with it ...

[bundle]

bunnyrabbit, what a tough one. i can see where your dh is coming from on this, once the circumcision has taken place there's no going back...but these signs/symbols are very much part of you. I'm not jewish, but dh is atheist and I'm a catholic, so I can understand this kind of conflict. sorry i can't be of more help..

[Tallgirl]

I have to say that it didnt occur to me to have DS circumcised - i joked about it to DH but would have had a real battle on my hands as he would be dead against it. I dont want to alter the focus of this thread but i have read alot of negative press about circumcision and problems that can occur later on (although appreciate sometimes have to be circumcised for medical reasons)physically and mentally - but anyway that wasnt really your question. I only remember the occasional thing we did as a family such as Seder (only when realised nextdoor neighbours were Jewish with two sons - ideal for me and my sister - not!!!) and lighting the candles at Hannukah so maybe not as much involvement as bunnyrabbit. But it is a difficult one as want DS and no. 2 to know their heritage but not really the religious side as i would describe myself as agnostic and dh as atheist but there is more to being Jewish than just the religious side. it is nice to know there are other people like us out there and apparently it is a declining religion so would be nice to pass something on.

No real help i'm afraid but i feel you should think carefully about how your son will feel in the future - if he is circumcised will he feel different to all his peers or are you in contact with other Jewish families??

Hope this helps a bit...

[Gumdrop]

Hello, I have a slight role reversal in that my atheist dh is Jewish and I'm not, so dd's aren't. But I'd still like to be able to make them aware of some of their cultural heritage, and it would fall to me as dh is totally anti Jewish as faith rather than race IYKWIM, so isn't into the home and hearth type traditions.

Anybody got any links to "shiksa wanting to learn" type sites? (Hopefully I'm not going to offend anyone using that term!)

[onlineid]

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