Are you ever completely and utterly happy?(14 Posts)
To be honest i think the pursuit of happiness is overrated. No-one can be happy all the time - we will all have difficult times and suffering to endure now and again. Could it be a lack of meaning in your life do you think?
Growing up with a parent suffering from depression can't have been easy - i worry a lot about the impact my mental health has on my ds. I have long suffered with depression and anxiety and apart from the obvious miserableness of it there is also a sense of detachment that impedes any sense of real pleasure for much of the time. When i am happy it is always tinged with a sadness of knowing it can't last.
For me, the way through this to a place of contentment has been to find a middle path - not one where you don't feel or care, but one where the highs and lows are just passing weather - one is not particularly sought and the other is not avoided. Ironically my life is 'happier' since i stopped trying to cling to being happy while fearing the sad times.
Are there things that give you a sense of peace and contentment? Having dc certainly changes your outlook but i'm afraid it comes with it's own particular brand of sorrows as well as joy!
lots of wisdom in your comment here, velvetgreen. Your advice strikes a chord with me at present. Just had another job rejection, feeling low. But this I know is a temporary and transient feeling. Things will change: after the rain, the sun. I've heard it said that happiness is like a butterfly, you can keep chasing it but rarely catch it. If you don't try too hard to grasp it, but do plod on - doing your best to do the right thing, being loyal and true and despite all the obstacles - who knows, it may sneak up on you unawares. Then those are the moments to treasure, and remember.
Yes, overwhelming and all-consumingly. Only through the practice of mindfulness though, and it is not something you can 'hold on to' imo.
Yes, any it's easy, but hard to sustain. It teaches you to be totally in the present moment, no past no future, no plans, no concerns.
I have had moments of total heart searing happiness while practicing, doing the most mundane things.
A very clear memory is walking my dd to school and feeling totally connected to the pavement beneath my feet and therefore the earth below it, I could feel my dd's hand in mine, the sun on my skin, the trees against the blue sky were the most vivid green, and I had the most peaceful and yet joyous feeling of everything bring just how it should be in the world and therefore perfect. Then I started thinking again and it was all ruined
Easy to grasp, a lifetime to master.
You have reminded me I need to create more space in my life for practice, thank you
I was in an abusive relationship for years. Finally that's over.
I've moved to the most beautiful part of the country, I've my own home, albeit small, but it's mine, I've a job I love. I have a good relationship with my kids. All I need is a decent wage and my life would be perfect.
I do believe that it has a lot to do with being content. No doubt everyone thinks they would like to be a multi millionaire. Yes, because it would be nice to be able to help out friends and family, but I accept that is not likely to happen. I am very grateful for all the good things I have.
As per other pp's, I have moments when I'm deliriously happy - like this morning, playing music to my bump, watching it dance, DH looking on in awe. Then I remember I'm not in the UK and wish I was. Happiness diminishes. Not a lot but a bit.
I'm only ever happy when I go back home. It's the sun, the heat, the social aspect. Very hard to describe, but I am happy there even when I am having sad or boring times.
I am very aware of the 'grass is always greener' syndrome, but I never feel the same thing coming back to the UK.
Mind, I tend not to dwell too much on this, but everybody notices I even laugh differently, it's more heartfelt and my frame of mind is very different.
Halfway through a really good meal, when my tummy isn't growling but with happy anticipation of lists more tastes to come.
Dog walking on hills with blue skies and glorious views.
Spending an evening with old friends, laughing until it hurts over nothing at all.
2 chapters into a new book when there's time to read undisturbed and I can see for sure it's going to be a great read all the way through.
Walking through the house at night on a day when I've actually cleaned, knowing the place is tidy and the children are asleep and my bed is calling me.
I think we're here in this life to learn and grow, not necessarily to be happy, if and when we are happy it's a bonus but not a given or necessity.
Gobblers, wonderful idea, like you say, would take practice to master.
Dolly - thanks for your comments. It is reassuring. I think my anxiety has had an impact, at least in terms of being restricted in what we've been able to do together. Ds would have had far more socialisation with a more confidant mum. He's no shrinking violet though so i don't think i've scarred him for life .
The advice about mindfulness is spot on. It really does keep you in the here and now, so that you pay full attention to every little thing that we usually miss with our distractedness about what we should be doing/could have done better/might be doing in the future. This website is a good place to start - it has a 3 minute meditation that is an easy way to try to incorporate the practice into your day, while you learn more about it.
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