I was brought up in a Christian home and most of my adult life I have been a churchgoer. I would be the first to admit that I have very strong doubts about some things that the Church believes but I believe in God and pray when I need guidance.
For the last ten years I have not attended church as I re married and my husband was not a churchgoer and the church in the town we moved to I found to be unwelcoming and cliquey.
A few months ago my husband died and I was devastated. He was the kindest,gentlest man I ever knew. He never had a bad word for anybody and was a good man. Throughout his illness I felt the hand of God at work in the care he was given by medical staff and the kindness of my family and friends and I was truly thankful for this. I heard that there was a new vicar at the local Cof E church and I thought I would give it another go, hoping to find some consolation and perhaps make new friends.
At first it all went very well and I found the vicar to be friendly and non judgemental. He made sure that I was introduced to people I had things in common with and I have made several new friends who are also widows and understand what I am going through. I have been going every Sunday for several months and finding it very helpful. Unfortunately I couldn't leave it at that and when a new house group was formed I thought it would be a good idea to join as I had attended other such groups at my last church and I have always enjoyed Bible study since childhood.
It turned out to be a very small group consisting of a six people including the curate. They all had one thing in common in that they tended toward the charismatic side of Christianity and preferred worship of a "happy clappy" nature. I am quite a bit older than most of them and hate guitars and Christian pop songs with a vengeance. However I was prepared to give it a go. One member in the group I felt was gunning for me from the start probably because I asked a great deal of questions and I won't be fobbed off with soft soap and flannel.
It all came to a head this week when we were discussing how to encourage more people to attend services and I said that lots of people I know, myself included,have lots of questions about life and Christianity that they don't get any answers to at church. They asked for examples so I sited why do bad things happen to good people, why is the God of the Old Testament so different from the one in the New Testament, why aren't we Jews like Jesus was, what happens to people who unlucky enough to be born into another religion etc etc.
Well this chap really laid into me aided and abetted by the rest. I must be an atheist to think these things and why did I go to church if I had such doubts it was hypocricy and I would be better spending my time in the pub! They really had a go at me and made me feel dreadful that I don't have their faith and that I haven't been saved. Perhaps I touched a nerve but I don't think it was a kind way to treat a newly bereaved widow who had gone to the search seeking some comfort in her loss . How can I ever go to church again when they will all think I am a hypocrite?
Thankyou for reading my rant.
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Made to feel worthless by Christians.
17 replies
drudgewithagrudge · 18/06/2015 19:20
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