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Have you ever 'seen' a loved one after their death?

(66 Posts)
fiveacres Sat 23-May-15 12:04:45

My XH has, so he told me for the first time the other day. I have to stress here how unlike him this is. He has always scoffed vocally and dismissively at religion and my views.

Anyway - I believed him. Whatever he saw, he saw if you see what I mean.

I am left wondering, irrationally, stupidly, why my loved ones have not chosen to show themselves to me. I know it's ridiculous but I just wondered if someone might be able to give me a 'Christian' perspective or at least a spiritual one as I don't want a load of 'what a load of nonsense!' posts.

Thank you smile

florentina1 Sat 23-May-15 15:21:11

I hold very strong views on this, but I have no religion. I am not sure how well I can explain my belief.

After death the body ceases to exist, but everything that person did lives on in a very real form. Every deed, good or bad and every word spoken is still there. Sometimes in the memories of those left behind, some times in something more concrete.

There are times when the persons presence is felt so strongly, that it feels like they are actually back in the real world. This presence can be so strong that it can take the form of a apparition. No-one can say for certain whether the apparition is real or in the imagination.

This feeling of the presence of the deceased can happen at times of stress, and also when at rest. Sometimes it is triggered by familiar places, or events.

I do not believe that you can actively reach out to the deceased, but I do believe that they will reach out to you.

florentina1 Sat 23-May-15 15:26:05

Your question about 'why your loved ones have not shown themselves to you' is very sad. I wonder what form of showing you are expecting. Missing a loved one is so heart wrenchingly awful, searching for answers is agonising. I have no words of comfort for you, but hope that your religion gives you solace.

Marshy Sat 23-May-15 15:28:37

'Seeing' loved ones after they have died is a recognised part of a grief reaction and not uncommon.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad op

fiveacres Sat 23-May-15 15:36:50

But xh's parents died years and years ago, twenty years ago? He hasn't lost them recently.

mrstweefromtweesville Sat 23-May-15 15:39:32

DD's dad died recently. On that day, I was very much aware of his presence with us. I didn't know, at that time, that he had died.

Marshy Sat 23-May-15 15:40:56

I don't think that matters op though I think it would be more common when the loss is more recent

mugglingalong Sun 24-May-15 03:58:49

All I can think of is doubting Thomas and how blessed are those who believe without seeing.

We don't know what happens after death. Maybe it was his parents' ghosts, maybe it was a trick of his mind, in the same way that the experience of de ja vu feels so real but is just your brain mistaking the present for the past.

I think that all you can know is how much your loved ones love you and wish that they could comfort you in person now.

FrankTurnersGuitar Sun 24-May-15 04:34:20

Yes, I was with my DH when he died from a brain tumour. He looked very different and peaceful.

His face looked different and had a yellow tinge to it, the childen thought he was a Simpson.

Vivacia Tue 26-May-15 17:29:19

I am not convinced by any of the evidence that there is life after death.

I once had a dream of a recently deceased friend. I was aware that I was dreaming, but hugged her so tight, realising even in the dream that this was a last opportunity to do so, and to tell her that I loved her. I woke up with tears streaming down my face.

Knowing that it was a dream, brought on my subconscious, did not in anyway diminish the comfort I took from it smile

LastTripToTulsa Wed 27-May-15 09:11:01

You already believe ... Your xh needed to x

IndigoBarbie Wed 27-May-15 22:26:06

Hey there fiveacres, I've had a lot of experience with this so wished to add to your thread if I may.

Our loved ones can and do attempt to contact us in many ways, but in many ways they are very subtle and often we can brush them off as 'dreams' or another rational explanation that waivers the validity of any after death contact.

The truth from my experience has been that our loved ones can and do contact us, they will use any manner of means to do so. The thoughts you may have in your mind, the dreams you have, the fragrance you smelt and thought of them, the feather you found, the song you heard on the radio, the truck that went past with their name on it, you get the picture.

Loved ones cannot just materialise in front of our very eyes, and communicate using what they can. Times we are in heightened emotional states or pain we often cannot be in a peaceful quiet state of mind to receive or be open to the messages. You can however still speak to that loved one and send up some loving thoughts, and be open to any form of communication. Yes, of course dreams can be easily dismissed, but many are valid forms of communication and treasured moments can be had in dream time. When we dream our mental brain functions and our 'oh no that just didn't really happen' filter are pretty much disarmed, so in dreamtime we are more 'free' if you will, to receive any form of message.

Mediums who connect with passed on loved ones use their own bodies, thoughts and senses to receive that communication, it's very subtle in some cases. Sometimes they are able to 'hear' the voice and vibration sometimes it comes as images or thoughts. There are many varied ways.

Toounhappynow Wed 27-May-15 22:39:00

Hi Fiveacres,
Not sure I have any answers for you but I wanted to post in solidarity.
My Dad and dear stepfather died several months apart. One expected, one a total surprise. Several months later I went with DP to the Edinburgh Festival and we went to a variety of shows. We were given tickets to go to an (apparently) incredible medium who was doing a show. The whole time I was on edge, waiting for my message. For some reason I was convinced I would receive one despite not ever doing this kind of thing before and being an atheist (but I like to think open minded).

There was no message for me. I kept asking DP after the show if he though she had mistaken other people for me and I should have been given one of the messages. DP is a total skeptic and was puzzled by the conversation and then I started crying and said why didn't I get a message if they had loved me? It hadn't even occurred to him I would be upset. I don't know why I was so convinced either, it was a bit of a spur of the moment decision to go.

It was a sad and lonely feeling but maybe just a part of grief?

IndigoBarbie Wed 27-May-15 22:48:43

I am so sorry for your loss and to hear your story. Medium shows are often not the best place as there can be several hundreds of passed on loved ones attempting to get through to the medium. SO in no way a show of if you were loved or not. You were loved, and you still most definitely are.
I guess if you felt you wished to pursue receiving communication you could attend another medium, word of mouth is often best and I do happen to know a lady in penicuick who is highly recommended, I've seen her myself and in a 'show' setting too, she is accurate and genuine.

Vivacia Thu 28-May-15 06:40:56

Toounhappynow please don't let your grief leave you open to being manipulated by 'mediums' (be they well-intentioned or otherwise). I'm sure if anyone wanted to show you love they wouldn't be putting their efforts in to pigeon feathers or driving lorries passed you.

IndigoBarbie Thu 28-May-15 20:33:04

Vivacia, so glad you are here to provide an opposing view, very refreshing and quite interesting. How would they be providing their presence then, in your experience?

Vivacia Thu 28-May-15 20:39:14

That's like asking me, "So if unicorn shit isn't pink and glittery, what colour is it then, huh?".

headinhands Fri 29-May-15 08:22:35

How does anyone show their presence? 'Hi it's your 'passed over' uncle Bob here watching over you (but not when you're naked/pooing/having sex), I noticed you're having a hard time this week what with the kids having that sickness bug so I'm just dropping off a bag of groceries, the essentials like milk, bread and so on.'

But no, Uncle Bob in his wisdom, who can still interact with the physical world from all accounts decides to offer his loving support by moving your car keys from the lounge to the hall way. Because we'll know that's how you look after people you love.

IndigoBarbie Sun 31-May-15 17:12:18

I'm not here to argue, provide evidence or tell people I am right and they are wrong.

I have experience with this, and I offer that. Those who cannot accept that-not my problem. Given that this is a grown up forum I'm quite interested to witness the agenda here. That anyone who could possibly believe that we don't cease to exist is obviously stupid, and I deduct that from reading the intention behind some posts.

Vivacia-its up to you if you think your dream is brought on by your subconscious, thus not having any reality behind it? In my life dreams are not just crazy made up stuff my brain chemistry decided to spew out that day. My dreams are direct source of information and also visits from past loved ones some I've never met or knew they existed but when I shared with my family they confirmed truth. So maybe your friend did actually visit?

Head in hands. Every time I reply on the forum you're right there with counter arguments for everyone to think deeply about. Thank goodness you are here, it doesn't matter to me what you believe in, just as long as you continue to stay true to negating others. Keep on it! You do it very well.

As far as I know unicorns in their spirit forms don't shit at all. But if you've seen it, then you've had an experience I've not had yet.

senrensareta Sun 31-May-15 17:28:32

As with all these things there can be no absolute proof but I think Indigo's experience are every bit as worthy of respect as those of the saysayers who feel they are entitled to rubbish anything they don't understand. Why should anyone feel the need to rubbish something which has comforted a fellow human being?

My mother is convinced that shortly after my father's death she walked into a room and he was sitting in his favourite chair. Despite being something of a sceptic she felt very comforted by this.
The Christmas after his death I was feeling a bit sad and felt him hug me. Hard to explain I know but I really felt the sensation of his hug and his presence

Toounhappy I have friends who are very into mediumship so have been to some events with them and have never had a message. I know what you mean that you have that irrational longing for something irrefutable.

PlumpingThePartTimeMother Sun 31-May-15 17:36:24

Hi fiveacres. I honestly don't believe in ghosts, so I think it is most likely that your XH imagined seeing his parents because they were subconsciously on his mind anyway. It's not a case of your family not wanting to see you flowers

I had a scary scan the other day and on my way there I could have sworn that I smelt my mum's signature scents of perfume and vicks pastilles. Hasn't happened before. I think that I wanted to be comforted and imagined them, which is interesting because my mum and I had a difficult relationship. It's actually quite nice to realise that I do still associate her with comfort, even if she isn't visiting me (so to speak).

I'm sorry that you miss your family sad

EthelDurant123 Sun 31-May-15 17:45:48

I am a total atheist, a secular humanist.

With respect to OP, I don't think it is possible because once the body goes, the soul goes too. In humanism, there is no afterlife so one must achieve as much as they want or able to whilst still alive.

However smile I do think the dead leave physical items that reminds relatives of the person. For example, my mum has a very plain, battered ring that belonged to her dad, my grandad, which reminds me of his cheeky humour. It makes me smile and Mum never takes it off.

I believe your X is grieving, which does strange things to one's emotions and senses. In a heightened emotional state it is entirely possible he thought he saw something.

IndigoBarbie Sun 31-May-15 18:52:33

If the soul goes too, where does it go? Many refute the existence of a soul.

headinhands Sun 31-May-15 20:13:10

are every bit as worthy of respect

No. Indigo has a right to express her opinion and I respect that, but I am no required to respect the opinion/itself. Do you honestly respect ALL opinions? Of course not. I respect opinions that stand up to the scrutiny of factual analysis. People are always entitled to their own opinions but they are not entitled to their own facts.

headinhands Sun 31-May-15 20:17:06

rubbish anything they don't understand

It's because I do understand psychology and physics that I am able to discern that dead people do not possess the faculties to communicate with loved ones.

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