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Pros/Cons of Raising Kids Catholic, Prosestant or Quaker (easy tigers!!)

(12 Posts)
victorianhomedreamer Tue 09-Dec-14 12:19:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

victorianhomedreamer Tue 09-Dec-14 12:22:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

XmasTimeMissCostelloAndWine Tue 09-Dec-14 12:47:50

I would think the best thing to do would be to raise them with the religion(s) that you believe in, and to teach them about all religions/atheism.

I was raised as a Catholic. I'd say I've probably turned out OK.

I never took part in any churchy things as a teen - there weren't any at my church, but some of the C of E churches did advertise them. Without wishing to be rude, they're rarely very cool and often quite patronising (I'm sure this isn't true for all of them, perhaps just in my local area). I went to our church youth group for a while, but it was only a church group in that it was held in the church hall and run by volunteers from the church, there were no religious activities and anyone could go along. I would not have wanted to do anything more religious than that.

I went to Catholic primary school and normal secondary. I don't think the moral or ethical stuff at primary was any different from a non-Catholic primary - just sharing, being nice to each other, that sort of thing.

Anyway, I think most of what you have said can be addressed whichever religion you follow, or without religion. Surely as parents you should be the ones taking the lead with ethical and moral teachings, and providing good role models of both genders. You can do all of that at home. My ethical and moral framework is far more a result of what my parents taught me than of the school or church I went to.

From your OP it doesn't seem like you are particularly devout (otherwise I assume you would not be considering another church) so surely you will be honest with them anyway that this is only a belief system, others believe different things etc. so they won't have a massive shock when they suddenly start reading things that contradict their religion.

victorianhomedreamer Tue 09-Dec-14 19:12:29

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3bunnies Tue 09-Dec-14 19:24:12

We are raising ours as RC although I am CofE, and it's not for the school. It mattered a lot to dh and my view was that it is easier to become CofE from being Catholic than the other way around. We go to mass together and I go to CofE during the week.

Ours go to a community school so can't comment on RC schools.

victorianhomedreamer Tue 09-Dec-14 19:33:32

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3bunnies Wed 10-Dec-14 08:17:16

At school the RE has been great - very balanced and covering all different perspectives but still happy for them to bring things in e.g. from their baptisms first communion etc. Wouldn't say that church is their favourite place - I am holding out for the long haul when they can make their own minds up. They can then decide which way they want to go. They might come with me then. It is much easier though to go from being RC to CofE. Dh would just need to turn up and he would be welcomed in. I attend every week but would still need a year of lessons 'to convert' if I wanted communion with my family. It does depend though whether the Catholic partner is wanting to stay a Catholic. I have seen it work well when they convert and everyone goes to CofE. FIL would have kittens though!

glorious Wed 10-Dec-14 08:47:04

Personally I would find a church you like to attend together if at all possible and treat the denomination as a secondary thing if you are both happy either way. As others have said, Catholicism is the most time consuming to join at a later date but that's not necessarily a reason to choose it now. It's only really First Holy Communion and Confirmation that need to be Catholic anyway as baptism is recognised between the two.

I am Catholic btw but only because DH is and I wanted us all together. My DD is only 2 but I'm not worried about female role models in church as I think she will have plenty of strong female role models in life and I'm happy to teach her my own views on the subject. If you are an open minded family then I think church can be just one influence.

specialsubject Wed 10-Dec-14 10:41:48

you can't equip kids with a faith. Plenty of us were brought up in religious households and have rejected all belief. If you see not sharing your belief as 'rebellion' then you could be in for a whole lot of pain, and will give your kids a lot of pain.

the 'crisis of faith' as teens coincides with the development of independent thought. They may come out with a faith, they may not.

you follow your own faith, and as your kids live with you they come along too. Teach them tolerance and open-mindedness and make sure they know that you will love them regardless of their beliefs, or lack of them.

morals and ethics are not the sole preserve of religion.

Lovelydiscusfish Sat 13-Dec-14 09:04:58

Agree with others, if ideologically you are comfortable with all three of these expressions of Christianity, then I would find a church which suits you and your family best in terms of style of worship, teaching, activities, even down to how you click within the congregation! After all, it is all Christianity, and your children will grow up to have their own version of faith (or none at all), whatever you do.
Personally, I often feel quite drawn to non-conformist churches, like the Wesleyans, for what I perceive to be their lack of hierarchy, simplicity of worship, and emphasis on charitable giving. But I am an (active) member of my local Church of England church partly because there is more children's work to get involved in (and I have a child), and because my dh is comfortable worshipping there, while I'm not sure a chapel would suit him as much. And I also love my church, obviously! And the people are fab, and like family to us.
But at the end of the day, it's all the same God!

vdbfamily Mon 15-Dec-14 15:01:00

I think the best thing you can do for your kids is teach them that denominational boundaries are totally unimportant. My parents were part of the exclusive brethren when I was born.They left when I was 3 years old. Their reaction to the exclusiveness was to always encourage us to get involved in stuff planned by lots of different churches.We went to Baptist and Evangelical Free sunday schools, we went to an Crusaders which was a transdenominational youthgroup with leaders from most of the churches in town.We went to the Anglican youthgroup as teenagers. As a result,I would call myself a Christian but never let anyone label me as any denomination. We currently attend our local anglican church because we live in a small village and it is the local church but woe betide anyone who referred to me as an anglican ! Find a nearby church where you are welcomed. Get stuck in to church life and talk openly with your kids about all the varying beliefs within and outside of the church. When you go away on holidays,visit different kinds of churches so you can experience the differences and the kids know that the boindaries do not need to be there.

sashh Fri 26-Dec-14 17:45:53

I'm atheist but brought up sot of lapsed RC, went to RC schools but rarely to church.

I think the schools teach a certain way to think and you have to be prepared for that.

Watch this clip from 23.20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYcOoqxuroI

When I watched this I was shocked that Richard Dawkins called the act of the priest 'evil', but thinking about it I was brought up with this and with the idea to 'pick your priest carefully'.

How do you want your children to look at the world?

What morals do you want your children to have? Look at the teaching in detail.

I was horrified when I heard about ISIS beheading children for refusing to convert to Islam, but I know there will be people who will nod their heads and thank God for giving those children such a strong faith that they were prepared to die.

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