Okay then! I will!
I became a Christian on the 15th of May 1988. How precise is that? I know that for most people it's more difficult to pinpoint a time when you really started believing but for me it was a definite moment of conversion. I was 14, in the 3rd year of secondary school and I had become increasingly aware of a kind of gnawing in my soul, a real hunger for meaning and truth. Without it life felt pretty bleak and meaningless. I knew that what I was searching for would only be found in religion and I was desperate to be a Christian. So much so that I did everything in my power to become one - I went to church, I joined the choir, I prayed every morning and night, I helped needy people in our community, I argued passionately for God's existence (which I desperately hoped to be true) and I even got confirmed thinking 'if this doesn't make me a christian, nothing will'. I was bitterly disappointed when after the big day my heart still felt as empty and desperate as before. I felt this so deeply within. Possibly it might sound a bit pathetic but I still think looking back that it was an honest response to the world and what it has to offer and I simply wanted more.
Anyway, I met some new friends at school and forgive the cliches butthey did seem to have an inner peace, poise and complete imperviousness to peer pressure that deeply impressed me. I got to know them better and of course it transpired that all of them were true, 'born again' Christians. THey invited me to their youth group and I was so nervous and excited - not becauase of any activity or because of meeting new people, but because I knew in my heart that if God existed (and I did believe He did), I'd meet Him at this youth group. So...you can imagine how bitterly disappointed I was again, when it turned out to be a game of rounders at the olcal park! I came home and thought, 'okay, that's it, I'm not getting my hopes up again, God obviously is too hard to find, it's easist not to try then I won't get my heart broken'.
But there was something that drew me back despite myself, and kept drawing me back. I knew that there was a huge difference between me and the other kids at the youth group and it certainly wasn't anything to do with who was the best person - it went much deeper than that. It was what was in our hearts; there was a lightness and peace and love in the others and murkiness and confusion in me.
On the 15th of May I'd had a bad argument with a friend and was feeling very grumpy and prickly. Somehow in this state one of my youth group friends got close enough to me to say, 'if you want to ask Jesus to come in to your life and make your heart new, just ask Him. That's all you have to do.' It was like when it stops rainig suddenly and the sum comes out; after all my attempts at being religious, I realised that I could actually have the real thing! We prayed together, very simply, and told Jesus that I wasn't proud of the state of my soul; I knew it was a mess and needed much more cleaning up than I could do. As we prayed a real gentle sense of peace and God's presence came over me and I knew that whatever lie ahead, however difficult, God would always be there for me and always give me what I needed to get through. We were in the kitchen of a friend's house and I know it's another cliche (but it's true) I walked out of the kitchen a different person to the one I'd been when I walked in.
After that everything changed. I read the Bible like a starving person who's suddenly found an unlimited food supply, I went to church, I prayed morning and night...so in fact on the outside not much changed, but on the inside everything had changed forever. I'm not saying it was easy - in fact God's presence in my life gave me the courage to face some really difficult family isues and deal with them face on rather than pretending they didn't exist(which I had been doing). So that actually made things much harder in a way but to was like I had limitless resource to draw upon, limitless love, power, peace, joy. I learned all about Jesus' death on the cross and how central that was to my being able to stand confidently before God as a child of the King rather than cowering away from him as a condemned sinner. And yes, I got involved in church, youth group, school C.U., and before long I was doing assembly talks at school about why and how I'd become a christian.
So I consider the 15th of May to be my 'second birthday'! Since then life has not all been easy as you'll know if you've read any of my other posts. But through it all I still have that same confidence that God in me is more powerful and glorious than all the rubbish and hardship the world could ever throw at you. So often, over time, I've seen God take the rubbish and hardship in my life and turn it into glory. I could talk all night and tell you story after story of how God has touched my life time and time again and still does now. I love the verse of the old hymn, 'Through many dangers, toils and snares, we have already come, Tis grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.' THat kind of sums up my life.