Advice required

[HellesBellesThinksSometimes]

In a few weeks, the ladies of my church are going away for a weekend which the church council is paying for. I have a 13yo ds. For family reasons, I now have no childcare. The church treasurer, a retired teacher and all-round lovely man has offered to have ds for the weekend. On paper, this seems ideal: the benefit to me of going on retreat, on the benefit to ds as my friend is offering to take him out and the benefit to my friend of not being alone while his wife is on the retreat. And yet, it seems like bad parenting to leave my son with non-family to go away with friends. it seems selfish that someone else should take on my responsibilities. What to do?

[Cleopatois]

I wouldn't. Thats just me.
How well does your son know him , what is their relationship like?

[HellesBellesThinksSometimes]

They know each other well and share a number of interests.

I just don't feel comfortable about it. If I wss going into hospital or something but not for me to go away. But my friend and his wife both think it's a great idea so I was worried in case I'm being ungrateful.

[Tuo]

I would do it (on the basis that this is someone your DS knows well, not a mere acquaintance). I think that it sends your DS a good message that it's fine for you and him to have different interests (especially as he grows up) and that it's good to take time out to enjoy them separately as well as doing things together. It's clearly a one-off, not something you'll be doing every weekend; I can't see any reason at all why spending one weekend apart would constitute bad parenting. Nor does it make any difference to me that you'd be leaving him with friends rather than family. (Mind you, I have a number of friends I'd rather entrust my DDs to than various members of my family!) It sounds as if your DS would enjoy it (have you asked him what he'd like?); your friend would enjoy having him; and you will enjoy the retreat. And at 13 he's old enough to contact you if there's a problem (presumably he has a mobile phone).

In short: I'd ask DS what he wants, but if he's happy with it then why on earth not... Go for it!

[KateBG]

I wouldn't do this. It sounds strange. If something bad happens you will never forgive yourself. It is important for your child to learn that you have different interests, but he also must know that he is your top priority. In my opinion you have to stay at home this time and to find solution when future opportunities appear.

[HellesBellesThinksSometimes]

Thank you all. The back and forth pretty much sums up my thought processes. I will be declining my friend's kind offer.

[HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato]

Would you feel different if your friend had dc, too? Is it the idea of leaving your dc with another adult, rather than with another family, that bothers you?

I can see nothing wrong with this childcare arrangement. Personally, I would want to have some idea what they will be getting up to over the weekend (as I would for any sleepover). He could be getting something from the experience that he would not otherwise get from a weekend with you - going to a sports match, for example.

There is nothing wrong with farming your dc off in order for you to do something for yourself, as long as the dc also does something enjoyable.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

Mmm- let me think- you are thinking of going away for a weekend and leave your child with a stranger.


Do you even need to ask this question?

[HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato]

Read the thread: he is not a stranger.

[Tuo]

Aaargh! I am ironing my alb. Terrified of burning a hole in it or messing up the complicated creases.

On the positive side, it is now white rather than grubby grey!

[Tuo]

Oops! Sorry OP!!! Posted on wrong thread. That'll teach me to MN from my phone! Apologies.