Right, I have thought about this too long and need some perspective. DH is religious, I am atheist. DH wants new baby DC2 to be baptised into Catholic church. DC1 was baptised and I went along with it despite being uncomfortable about it. I spoke to the priest beforehand about what should I do as I am a non-believer and he just said I didn’t have to say anything and as DH is practising the religion it was fine. But I felt so uncomfortable at DC1’s baptism staying silent whilst the priest asked us if we renounce the devil and all that stuff. I felt horribly fraudulent standing there even though I’d been honest, - because basically I am meant to be happy about it.
The issue is that I hate the idea that the kids will be told what to believe and have no choice about whether to go to church. I don’t hate religion, think there are some good aspects to it i.e. morality, community, I just don’t believe in the magic type stuff. DH is very serious about it and will make the kids attend, get confirmed and all the rest of it (this sounds awful but DH is actually an amazing father in a lot of ways).
I feel very torn as I want to be there at DC2 baptism and be part of it as I want us to be united in family occasions like this, BUT, I don’t believe it myself so feel unbelievably uncomfortable standing there at the front feeling so conflicted. I don’t know what to do about it. If I refuse for DC2 to be baptised, DH will probably go and do it anyway without me as it’s so important to him. Also I feel I should because I went along with it for DC1 so why not this time.
The godparents we have chosen both times are really nice people but
are more DH’s friends. I went along with it as it was so important to DH and it felt like such a non-negotiable. Kind of feel like I have no part in this baptism. Find it hard to talk to DH about religion as he is quite rigid about it, he will just say that I have rejected religion so it’s me that’s turned my back.
Before we got married we talked about how we would bring up children and I was honest about my own lack of religious faith and DH said he would not compromise on his beliefs and would want any kids to be brought up in his faith. We reached a bit of a stalemate on the whole issue and as I was unsure whether we would be able to have any children I didn’t think much more about it, - wrong of me I know. But, 2 lovely children later, this problem has reared its ugly head and I feel really sad and hopeless about it. I feel I am making a lot of sacrifices for something actually quite big and I feel I won’t be able to protect my children from being told to believe this stuff. I feel that DH has compromised on a lot for our life but on this issue he is not willing to compromise.
Do I just have to suck it up and accept that this is what happens if you marry someone who has such strong religious beliefs? Have I inadvertently agreed to it as I have gone along with it before? Is there anything I can do that might make me feel better about it? I have no one to talk to about this as family and friends are either deeply on one side or the other and I don’t know anyone else in a similar situation to talk things through with. Realise I’m asking a lot of MN but my brain hurts!
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Baptising DCs: DH religious but I'm atheist
60 replies
whatwasIthinkingof · 08/11/2013 22:22
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