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If Jesus visited your house

(29 Posts)
curryeater Thu 18-Jul-13 14:18:01

Someone on another thread recommended God In All Things by Gerard Hughes. Chapter 1 looks at being spiritually divided - how we separate Church and State in our heads and our lives. (In a slightly disappointing way as it seems to present the issue as if you had never thought of it, and also it almost seems to be suggested that you don't really have to challenge the mean common sense conventional orthodoxy that blows my mind when Christians exhibit it, especially Tory cruelty. but never mind)

anyway one of the three exercises at the end of the chapter is: imagine Jesus comes to your house. Write about this.

Firstly - I found myself wondering what I have in to offer him to eat. Obviously you offer a cup of tea in the first place, a safe bet at most times of day. But I don't have any biscuits or anything like that. Plus I should really be offering a decent meal. Should I try to make some kind of mediterranean fish thing to make him feel at home, or would that be a mistake as I would get it wrong and I should just make something completely different? What do I have in? I could make a lovely quiche but then I would be in the kitchen doing the pastry and that's not very hostessy.

Maybe he would like a wash. Give him a clean towel and offer him the bathroom. Maybe offer him clean clothes? Is that offensive? I could just put some out in the bathroom as a hint. the new washing machine has a fiendish spin and I could get his dry in no time in this weather.

If I introduce him to the girls as Jesus, they will just accept this, they know about Jesus and they will be shy but won't embarrassingly refuse to believe it. Nor would they if I introduced them to Father Christmas.

I wonder if I could get the vicar round? Should I alert him on a "fyi" basis like when a client drops in and asks to see you but you should let the main account manager know?

Depressing conclusion (like on a quiz in a teen magazine:

IF YOUR ANSWERS WERE MOSTLY ABOUT DOMESTIC CRAP AND MATTERS OF ETIQUETTE: You are mainly a Martha. You like to play at being a philosopher, but when the chips are down, it's you who cooks the chips! Try to indulge your thoughtful, spiritual side a little more if the Living God drops round.

What would you do?

CalamityGin Thu 18-Jul-13 14:24:04

I would ask him where he's been and why he and his father have allowed the world to get in such a bloody mess, after offering him a cup of brew/ glass of wine obviously plus biscuit

trice Thu 18-Jul-13 14:26:10

I would be very surprised. But would be hospitable. I would offer him some steri strips for his stigmata. He would have to sit on a towel if he insisted on bleeding everywhere.

I would like to hear his excuses for all the pain and suffering in the world. Let him wash his hands of that!

slug Thu 18-Jul-13 14:51:04

I'd tell him to stop being so cryptic and write a decent set of instructions.

curryeater Thu 18-Jul-13 15:28:13

These are all very good answers.
I often find that meetings without clear agendas and objectives get rambling and don't achieve much. Perhaps we should all have the agenda prepared, in a drawer in the kitchen table, for this eventuality.

1. the problem of evil
2. Women priests (no need for a long discussion, just sign it off formally)
3. Homosexual relationships (ditto)
4. Justice and equality: some political guidelines and directives
5. AOB

suchawimp Sat 20-Jul-13 16:12:24

So funny - was just reading this old post on a blog.

yamsareyammy Sat 20-Jul-13 16:20:35

Definitely be a Martha I am afraid.

Even if he spoke. my mind would be "hope he doesnt ask for Ribena, havent got any of that in at the moment"!

yamsareyammy Sat 20-Jul-13 16:21:24

hmm. Has made me think actually.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 20-Jul-13 16:21:44

He'd probably wash my feet.blush

ReallyTired Sat 20-Jul-13 16:22:34

I suppose the nearest we can get to inviting Jesus into our house is to invite some random homeless person in.

Would I recongise Jesus or think he was some mentally unstable down and out. Would we call the police thinking that the poor man needed to be sectioned or would we be very scared.


Jesus told us to love God and love our neighbour as ourself. If these two commandments are kept in mind there is no need for a major discussion.

The problem of evil would be significantly smaller if we loved our neighbour as ourself. As for 2 and 3 women priests and homosexual couples are our neighbours so both are allowed.

Personally I don't think there should be women priests or bishops. However I don't agree with male priests or bishops either. Are priests really closer to God than anyone else?

ouryve Sat 20-Jul-13 16:22:51

He's probably stand on something hard or sharp and swear like DH just did.

yamsareyammy Sat 20-Jul-13 16:24:50

We are told to be hospitable though, even to strangers.

See, now I find myself justifiying myself.

I would interrogate him on the true basis of his and Mary Magdelenes relatioship. Then I might try and kiss him blush
And on the idea of priests and bishops etc, I think the Quakers have the right idea, as how can one human being have spiritual authority over another?

UniqueAndAmazing Sat 20-Jul-13 17:06:38

can I be Mary?
just sit down with him and listen to his stories?

Although, I'd like to be a bit of both - I would offer him food and drink, but I wouldn't spend all my time running round cleaning and tidying.

(other guests, maybe, but not Jesus - I've been pre-warned! wink )

UniqueAndAmazing Sat 20-Jul-13 17:08:00

I don't think he'd appreciate me getting the vicar round, but the vicar would be dead chuffed grin

500internalerror Sat 20-Jul-13 17:17:22

I'd ask him how my nan was, why he'd left me at 17, and if he knew when my time to die was....

curryeater Mon 22-Jul-13 11:18:16

I didn't know Martha and Mary was coming up this Sunday when I wrote that!
At my church, a Reader who is a woman preached on this, and someone asked me if I had hay fever because the tears were rolling down my face at the joy of hearing a woman in a church affirming our roles as Marys, not Marthas. I used to be RC and every time something happens in church that recognises the intellectual and spiritual completeness of women in worship, something inside me unlocks.

Maggie and ReallyTired - I don't think priests and bishops have some magical power and I think the idea that they do is sort of a racket (I think sacraments in the RC sense are a racket). I do think spiritual leaders can be important and helpful, as teachers or counsellors or mentors. We do not all have time to devote our lives to spiritual learning and those who do can help us a lot.

Lavidaenrosa Mon 22-Jul-13 11:55:12

If Jesus visited my house... I would receive him with kosher food.

TrinityRhino Mon 22-Jul-13 12:01:34

I'd ask him why his dad allowed organised 'religion' to kill so many people

UniqueAndAmazing Mon 22-Jul-13 14:46:39

curry - grin
when the reader read the gospel, I went "oooh, spooooky!" grin

curryeater Tue 23-Jul-13 09:07:06

So did I, Unique!
I love it so much. It positions women as philosophers and potential priests and YET THERE ARE WHOLE STRANDS OF MISOGYNIST "CHRISTIANITY" WHICH JUST IGNORES IT. And it;s right there in Luke. guess what! Here's the good news - women are people too. And if you don'e like it - don't be a Christian!

I am also interested in revisiting it because as I remember it - as I was taught it and as my mother refers to it - there is a virtue in being Martha as well as Mary - someone has to be Martha - at any occasion, someone has to GTD. Also in St Patrick's church Soho (RC obv) there is a big painting of the two women captioned JESUS DELIGEBAT MARTHAM ET MARIAM ("Jesus loved Martha and Mary")

Yet in the Luke that was read on Sunday it was quite clear that "Mary had chosen the better part". There was a clear statement that it is BETTER to Mary than to Martha.

I wonder whether the gloss that I had received from this is from my Irish Catholic heritage in which women firmly belong in the kitchen - so the best that they could bring themselves to say was "you can come out sometimes to listen to Jesus - but don't forget that someone has to scrub the spuds!" - even though that is not what is in the gospel

UniqueAndAmazing Tue 23-Jul-13 12:38:11

and, there are lots of parts in the bible where it has a greek word for "person of either sex" but because there's no relevant word in english (can't remember the word), and the old-fashionedness of the original KJV, the word has always been translated as man/him/etc. when it meant both originally

springytoffs Fri 23-Aug-13 00:21:53

I'd be so overjoyed to see him, I'd leap on him, and scream a bit, and cry and I'd tell him I adore him and he's completely fab.

We'd probably talk about the agony of having seriously wayward kids. We'd talk about how our kids misrepresent us and are ungrateful and cruel and do things in our name that don't represent us at all; and how our kids have convinced people that it does, how people believe them, get the wrong end of the stick. I'd probably be encouraged and inspired by how he deals with that.

Drinks? Food? No idea about that tbh - none whatsoever lol. If he wanted a wee, I'd probably follow him into the bathroom like Hugh Grant's sister in Notting Hill with Julia Roberts. I'd not want him out of my sight...

Nope. Can't think about him leaving. Nope, sorry.

springytoffs Fri 23-Aug-13 00:29:35

I'm not saying his kids are my kids. Just to be clear: my kids are my kids, his kids are his. (My kids are also his... but that's something else.)

Tortington Fri 23-Aug-13 00:34:42

i'd be like " jesus, mate - turn some water into wine, lets get pissed and talk religeon"

if Jesus is my kinda guy, he will absolutely do this.

I will then ask a major question

why the fuck should I worship anyone...depending on how pissed i am i may add why don't you worship me, i am pretty fucking awesome

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