Yoga and spirituality/personal awareness (v long!)

[SAHRum]

Hi

is anyone interested in talking about their yoga experiences?

I've recently started up again and have been doing hatha and kundalini. I'm not very experienced at all despite having done a bit here and there over the years but somehow I just keep coming back to it and seem drawn particularly to what I now know is kundalini. I'm not sure what I think of it all really to be honest - I'm not religious at all, do not believe in a higher being/force but do believe that the universe is a wonderful place and that we are all part of it and it is part of us.

I feel like I'm ready to get a bit more into it and have had a couple of sessions this week that have had some pretty heavy after effects so wanted a place to talk about this and future experiences and would welcome thoughts and hearing about other's experiences.

I'll start then -

I had a Hatha yoga session where the teacher helped me get into some really deep poses. I felt fine all day but then had a late night, an upsetting dream and an early wake up from my dd. I went along to my kundalini class feeling tired, emotional and a little bit sore - I was really looking forward to the class as I find these sessions both relaxing and invigorating. The class was concentration on the arc line and about half way through the class I was overcome with immense sadness and I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. Shortly after we did some camel poses and this was really hard work on my thighs but strangely it made me feel better. I also had a very odd feeling whilst standing with my left hand over my heart, right hand over left deep breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth (o-shaped) where I felt I was getting smaller and smaller than my physical body but somehow I felt like my physical body "fitted better". Weird I know! Later that afternoon, I felt very very angry with no reason to be, I'd spent a few hours in the garden in the sun and everything was good but I took dd wto the park and it was so crowded and hot that I just felt so cross. After I had put her to bed (dh was out for the evening) I settled down to watch a film which was a little sad but I could not stop sobbing, big heart felt retches and I didn't know what for, I cried for hours. Went to bed and woke after an hour feeling restless and as if there were two of me and that I was observing the other me sort of moving from side to side in a very frantic and annoyed way, I felt sick and my head was pounding, I almost started to panic but in the end just observed and then eventually went to sleep. All day yesterday I felt listless and sad, lonely even and easily annoyed, I did sleep better last night and am feeling ok but still not on top of things. I'm about to go to hatha yoga now but would be really interested to hear if anyone has any thoughts or to hear about other people's experiences.

[MostlyLovingLurchers]

It is quite common to experience emotional release during or after practice - i have sudden bouts of sobbing or the giggles now and again.
Sometimes i feel quite edgy and angry after practice - not what you expect from yoga. I think it is because you are surrendering and opening yourself up, and this makes you more vulnerable and sensitive which can then make the day to day stuff a bit harder to cope with for a while.

Also, I think emotional release is simply part of achieving balance if we are a bit out of kilter. You said camel made you feel better - opening poses like camel or bridge can be quite exhilarating, whereas closed or folded postures can be very introspective. Some twists can be very releasing. Are you using bandhas in your kundalini class? They have often been a trigger for me, especially uddiyana bandha.

If you are finding your practice is affecting your daily life to this extent I would talk to your teachers. I think you may be going too far too fast - you say that you haven't much experience and haven't practiced for a while, but that you are getting into some really deep poses (which ones?). I wonder if you need to back off a little bit so that you can deal with your emotions and energy in manageable chunks. It sounds like you are raising energy, as you'd expect with kundalini yoga, but not then being able to handle it. It isn't just about being physically capable of getting into a pose, it is about what that pose does for you, on all levels and not just the physical - i'm sure you know that! Release is fine, but it shouldn't be impacting on your life to this extent.

I'm a vinyasa girl btw, with a bit of chi yoga if i'm feeling too knackered for anything too dynamic (which is quite a lot these days!).

[MostlyLovingLurchers]

OP - it would be nice if you could respond, having bothered to plough through your long post, and trying to give you a reasonably full reply without writing war and peace. Even if you think my response is a load of old twaddle i would appreciate knowing if you bothered to read it. Love and respect for all others and all that. I hope you discussed what was happening with your teachers at least.

[Salbertina]

Well, i didn't think it was twaddle, lots of food for thought there! Need to get back to yoga but meditate. Your post has encouraged me to revisit, thanks

[MostlyLovingLurchers]

Thank you Salbertina - didn't mean to sound so grumpy, but I don't get much time on here and it is frustrating that when you do take time to respond the op vanishes!