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Does God withhold blessings from Christians who are living in disobedience?

(480 Posts)
Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 18:00:12

I am a Christian but my husband is not. I am desperate to be a better person in God's eyes but can not escape the instruction in 2 Corinth ch 6 re being unequally yoked to non-believers. I am nearly 42 and desperately trying to start a family (I mc'd last year). We are due to fly to the Czech Republic in June for donor egg IVF but I can't help worrying that God will not bless me with a child whilst I continue to willfully live a disobedient life. I entered into a relationship with my husband knowing that it is not God's will for me to be with a non-Christian. Am I to be forever outside of God's will? My prayer life has become almost non-existent as I don't feel I can appeal to the Lord for his blessings re a baby and yet it is all I can think about.

I guess the real problem here is that my obsession with starting a family has superceded my devotion and surrender to God's will. Please help me sad

interalia Sat 04-May-13 15:51:07

Not all of the Bible is equally relevant. Clearly, the words of Jesus are the most important, most Christians do not take everything Paul said literally. I have just read that passage, and it seems more to actually be about not joining with people who are the polar opposite of the Christian faith - i.e. 'righteousness' v 'wickedness', 'Christ' v 'Belial', 'light' v 'dark'.

Well, your husband is clearly not evil or dark, is he? You have a relationship of love, which is the most important thing.

I really don't see how it can be interpreted to say that you shouldn't be married to the person you love, more like don't associate yourself with murderers and people who are actively bad.

And the Old Testament was written when people still fundamentally misunderstood God. That's why Christ came, to show what God really is, rather than what people who wrote the Old Testament thought God was. Much of the Old Testament is completely irrelevant to modern day Christians. Leviticus was a book of rules written for Jewish people about 4000 years ago, and is not what we are supposed to be doing now. A lot of it is contradicted elsewhere in the Old Testament and by the words of Christ in the New Testament. (obv Corinth is NT, but this was just for the poster who said that the OT made them think that God wasn't love).

Good luck with your treatment

LizzyDay Sat 04-May-13 15:54:30

If you are serious about wanting a marriage and children, please consider focusing less on your relationship with god, and more on your relationship with your husband. That is what is real and important. Don't take him for granted if marriage with him is what you want. I'm sorry if that sounds unkind, it isn't meant to be. This sounds like a very difficult time for you, I hope all goes well.

MareeyaDolores Sat 04-May-13 16:10:03

Hiya OP

Think Lizzy might have given you better, more Christian advice than any of us blush. I'm often tempted to spend time in spiritual naval-gazing, and suspect that God would usually prefer me to be doing the washing-up and notice whether DH is looking stressed.

PedroYoniLikesCrisps Sat 04-May-13 17:28:37

I do have one genuine question. If god is master of your body and your soul, what's the purpose of the IVF?

That's either against god's will or interfering with God's belongings.

exoticfruits Sat 04-May-13 17:46:23

God appears to bless people who break the 10 Commandments with children- including murderers, so I don't see why he would single you out purely because you can't control your DH's belief system and yet love him anyway.

Spero Sat 04-May-13 18:03:52

I just think its a shame that your faith is making you so stressed and sad. I don't mean this in a piss taking or sneery way - I genuinely thought faith was a positive thing as people who had it were generally reported to be happier.

If your god really wanted you to be unhappy for committing the 'sin' of loving and marrying a non Christian then he can't be much cop.

It from what the other Christians are saying, it does seem like you are interpreting scripture in quite a bleak way.

dogsandcats Sat 04-May-13 18:16:08

I am a Christian.
I have been thinking about this thread today - still havent completely finished my pondering. This is where I have got to so far.
Forgiveness - God forgives us if we say we are sorry to God. And as someone else as said, as far as I can remember he forgets too. Pretty vital for all of us I think you will agree as we all sin.

Actually, meant to say , before I went any further,a.did your husband used to be a Christian, and is no longer.
b. never believed, but not against Christianity.
c. actively working against it.

I think you have other slight confusions.
A Christian can pray all they want, but if something is not Gods will, it is not Gods will. I am sorry about that, but also I think it has to be taken with the bible verse of Romans chpt 8 or it could be Romans chpt 6 "All things work together for good for those who love God".

You ask the question "Am I forever to be outside of God's will".
I dont believe that for a minute. See my first paragraph.
So I dont see any problem at all in asking for Gods blessings for a baby.

Yes, your last paragraph is a problem to you.
But we are all human, and Gods ears are always open to prayers.
The other helpful verse for now is Phillipians 4 verse ? "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me".
I suggest you pray for more strength to help you overcome ehat you have written in your last paragraph.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 18:34:57

Lizzy, I love God more than I love my husband. If I could tell you the ways in which God has literally saved me, plucked me out of the gutter and set me on my feet without outing myself, I would. When I read of His son's death on the cross I know I will never be loved by anyone as much as Him. I want to live according to His teachings, because I know this path will bring me the peace I crave. This, however, does not mean my husband is neglected <rolls eyes maniacally>> We have a fantastic, fun-filled, intimate and mutually-respectful thing going on.

My outlook on God (or my faith) is not bleak, but I am frequently sad when I look at how much better a person I could be if I didn't let my ego/selfish wants/runaway gob/imperiousness/unkind words/intolerance/cynicism/pride get the better of me.

Thank you to all of you for posting, it helps and is a great reminder to keep looking to Jesus.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 18:35:53

Dogs, the answer to your question is 'b'.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 18:55:31

Spero, you have said upthread that you are a humanist. What does that mean to you, please?

TreeLuLa Sat 04-May-13 18:57:03


There is no God.

So no need to worry.


LondonJax Sat 04-May-13 19:01:38

Hi Jewcy,

When my husband and I were about to try IVF for the first time we visited a church whilst on holiday and, in amongst all the various parish information, we saw a booklet about IVF. Basically, this particular church leaflet said that IVF was wrong in God's eyes - if you couldn't have a child naturally you should be content with your lot in life was almost exactly the words used.

Although I hadn't been to church since I was 7 years old (and my husband since he was 13 years old) that still hurt and made us really question if we were making the right decision. I'd always been a person who doesn't ask for anything in a prayer - I always say a thank you though, even if it's just for a sunny day to get the washing dry! So I'd call myself a Christian even though I didn't go to church.

About a month later we both wrote down on a piece of paper whether we wanted to go ahead with the IVF and how many tries we would give it. Both of us wrote down yes to going ahead and that we'd stick to two tries.

Our first attempt was unsuccessful and the church leaflet really began to bury itself in my subconcious. But we went ahead with our second attempt...our son was born when I was 44 years old. My own eggs. I only produced three eggs and all three were fertilised.

So, as a non-church goer, was the church leaflet (the written word) correct? Or was I given a sign that God's wishes and the 'man-made' rules could sometimes two different things? Did God provide the right IVF doctor at the right time? Or were we just lucky?

Our son was born with a heart defect and was given a month to live. A fantastic doctor saved his life. In some areas of Christianity he would have died because of man's interpretation of God's word. So, did God, again provide help for our son? We certainly felt something watched over him - we went to our GP through a gut feeling that something wasn't right, she sent us to A&E because the equipment in the surgery wasn't giving a true reading, the local hospital had a consultant on that day who specialised in congenital heart defects and spotted the problem, the heart hospital had a bed and it happened to be the hospital where the surgeon who had pioneered the technique used on our son worked (and was on duty that day and did his procedure). So many coincidences coming together to save our boy. By the way, I never prayed to God to save his life. I just, again, said thank you for getting us to the right hospital and doctor. I didn't believe God would save him directly, I believed the doctor would - but then you could say who provided the doctor...?

So, I suppose what I'm saying is what God or nature or science or whatever you want to call it, wants for you and what man interprets that to be can be two different things.

If things go well for you I imagine you'll thank God and wonder why He wasn't angry with you. If it doesn't go well, is it really all down to your husband or your staying with your husband and God's anger at that? It can't work both ways.

I honestly don't believe God is so 'straight down the line'. If I did I'd have taken that leaflet as a sign not to go ahead and our son (who is currently breakdancing round the room - his heart condition is very well managed) would never have enriched our lives. The one thing God supposedly gave us is free will and DH and I exercised that by going ahead with the IVF.

I really wish you well with the IVF. Try to be thankful for the chance, no matter what the outcome.

PedroYoniLikesCrisps Sat 04-May-13 19:24:46

It makes me incredibly sad when I hear people say they love God more than their husband. What a catastrophic blow for hubby and how bizarre to love something which probably doesn't exist and you can't demonstrate any evidence for over a guy who loves you enough to support you through a period of your life when you appear to be at your lowest and hold your hand as you go through the motions of IVF.

If I were him, I'd be unbelievably insulted, probably to the point of leaving you to it.

exoticfruits Sat 04-May-13 19:28:07

I think it is just a different sort of love, Pedro- like the ridiculous thread recently about loving your DH more than your DCs- not comparable.

exoticfruits Sat 04-May-13 19:29:01

There is room for all- one doesn't take anything from the other.

expatinscotland Sat 04-May-13 19:34:09

Every now and again, you come across these threads on MN that are so preposterous they render you speechless.

PedroYoniLikesCrisps Sat 04-May-13 19:37:40

What was said was, I love God more than I love my husband.

That doesn't sound like just a different sort of love. I don't love my wife more than my son, I love them both equally in different ways. Here the OP is clearly stating more love for an imaginary friend than for a very real husband. It makes me sad and disappointed for humanity.

PedroYoniLikesCrisps Sat 04-May-13 19:38:34

Every now and again, you come across these threads on MN that are so preposterous they render you speechless.

I completely agree.

exoticfruits Sat 04-May-13 19:43:17

It was what was said - my point was it was just as silly as saying you love your DH more than DCs or vice versa- it isn't comparable whatever OP thinks.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 19:54:49

London, thank you for sharing your experience, you must be very, very grateful.

Pedro, I really wouldn't worry for my husband, he is the happiest he has ever been - his words, not mine.

For all you other professionally outraged posters: why do you come to a thread like this? Do you expect me to collapse in stunned mortification that you have enlightened me with your disbelief? I find your comments as piteous and uninspiring as you do mine.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 19:55:40

..and I would bet that you wouldn't raise an eyebrow if a poster declared that they loved their dog more than XXXX..

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 19:57:30

Pedro, why do you say that I'm at 'the lowest period of my life'? You have absolutely no idea, do you? Believe me, I have been saved from that period and am eternally grateful to God for it.

ouryve Sat 04-May-13 20:01:34


You asked a question, Jewcy, people will give you their answer. It may not be the answer you want. Personally, I read the thread title in Active Conversations, thought "what?" then read your OP and thought "FFS". Despite your question, I'm sure you wouldn't want my answer.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 20:07:23

ouryve, I'm fairly new to mumsnet so I thought that the aethiests/mockers/outraged would simply stay away and leave it to people who actually have a clue.


TreeLuLa Sat 04-May-13 20:11:08

You see, Jewcy, the thing about MN is that you are canvassing opinions from a number of people, many of whom won't share your beliefs. It being a public forum and all that.

That's why so many people have expressed an opinion that does not agree with your own.

If you just want people who agree with you, I suggest another site.

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