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Want dd 11 christened but feel to young to be confirmed as well.

(10 Posts)
lexcat Sun 31-Mar-13 10:19:35

Never got dd christened as a baby was going to then thought I would like to wait for it to be her choice. Dd decided about 3 years ago that she would like to be christened but the person she wanted to do it was still to be ordained.
Now all things are in order but the preist of our parishs (the top dog) wants dd confirmed as part of the christning. I on the other hand I think she's to young to be confirmed. I believe in your teens you go through many changes and the big one been learning to think for your self and you start making choices about your live paths. That is when I feel it is time fordd to be confirmed. Top dog even after I spoke to him in depth still wants dd christen and confirmed and told me he would sleep on it.
I was so cross and now I'm confused at what to do has my feeling have still not changed and I just want dd christened has does she.

PedroPonyLikesCrisps Sun 31-Mar-13 11:17:25

No one should be forced to be confirmed, that's surely the whole point, no? Perhaps ask this 'top dog' whether he understands that.

If not, then it's probably time to look for a new church as who knows what else he might not understand.

LIZS Sun 31-Mar-13 11:26:06

dd was baptised and did first communion at 10 (C of E), out of her choice. She is not so concerned about being confirmed for now.

thegreatestMadHairDayinhistory Sun 31-Mar-13 12:50:35

She should only do it if she chooses to. If the priest is forcing it this is wrong. Does she want to be baptised and confirmed, is it a deep conviction within her? Ifso, she is not too young (my dd was confirmed at 10) but if it is external pressure then she should not do it.

The teens are indeed a time of change but there is still validity in making a choice so young if that is what she wants at that point. We can all change our minds at any time, but there is no reason why she should not confirm her faith if it is her wish.

PollyEthelEileen Sun 31-Mar-13 14:22:42

At 11, she should make the decision for herself. She can be baptised without being confirmed.

My DD took herself to baptism when she was 12. She did not come forward at the next confirmation service, but I imagine she will soon.

It's really not about what you or the vicar wants.

ThreeBeeOneGee Sun 31-Mar-13 14:27:09

DS1 asked to get baptised when he was ten. As part of the service (which was the adult baptism one) he shared with the rest of the congregation how he had come to this decision. He made the baptismal vows himself.

Personally, I feel that there is no need for him to be confirmed, and he has been receiving Communion (C of E church) since his baptism.

lexcat Sun 31-Mar-13 19:58:55

Thanks for the support. We love our CofE church and have tried a few before we settled for this one so have no plan to move. As their are 4 churchs all seen over by one rector we don't often see him. Our normal priest was a reader and has just become ordained, lovely man who will be the one to christen dd. Word has got to him and he's shocked so his wife told me.

Italiangreyhound Sun 31-Mar-13 22:11:33

lexcat hi, of course everyone else has said exactly what I would say! It's your DD's choice (IMHO) and I imagine as her Mum you are thinking what is best for her and helping her get what she wants.

Just for the record I was baptised in the C of E as an adult by sprinkling and was confirmed as a Christian two years later. So part of the question might be type of baptismal service. When an infant or small child is baptised the parents speak on their behalf but for an adult they speak for themselves, so that would be the bit to clarify. If this 'top dog' (sorry I am imagening Top Cat!) is putting pressure on you or your dd just make it clear that DD is not going to get confirmed. All the best.

Italiangreyhound Sun 31-Mar-13 22:12:11

Sorry, forgot to say Baptised at 16, confirmed at 18.

chickensaladagain Sun 31-Mar-13 22:18:53

at our C of E church you couldn't be confirmed until you were 13 and you had to attend 12 weeks of 'confirmation classes' which took place on a thursday evening and you had to attend church for each of those 12 weeks too

10/11 is too young to make the decision and if I'm honest, 13 is too young really

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