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I have a faith, DH does not- what does this mean for our DCs?

(79 Posts)
ByeBabyBatshit Tue 19-Feb-13 20:57:17

Does anybody have a faith which is not shared by their DH?

I was brought up by strictly Christian family. Pulled away from it in my teens, came bqck to it in late twenties, really wrangled with it following suicide of a friend seven years ago. I'm not a regular churchgoer, which is down to laziness mostly, but my faith is an integral part of me.

DH is a scientist and remains an atheist until he sees scientific proof of the existence of God! We talked about this a lot before we were married, and I said all I ask is he continues to ask questions and revisit his views. He is supportive of my beliefs (Christian wedding, attending services to hear our banns read, etc).

However, we now have baby twin DCs, and we're clashing about how our views on faith will affect them. I want them to grow up as part of a church community, which means I have to start going to church again! DH views this as indoctrination, and wants them to be brought up with no faith, so they can make their own decisions. I think that's bollocks.

Has anybody else been in this position? How did you resolve it?

Daddelion Wed 20-Feb-13 16:49:07

I think it'd be good for children to have parents with different views, they can hear different sides and get to make their own mind up instead of being indoctrinated to be atheist, agnostic or religious.

And let's face it, atheists could be wrong and and theists could be wrong.
You may think you're right, but you don't know for definite.

I also think children can grow up to have their own views regardless of their parents ideology.

flossfour Wed 20-Feb-13 16:50:08

I have been in the same situation, except husband was committed Christian and I was the atheist. As I was the main carer, I brought up my children to look into every religion before making an informed decision and told them I would support them whatever they decided. However, my then husband had an affair and consequently ran off with my so called best friend (some Christian!!!!) and since then he has tried desperately to force religion down their throats. The end result: all four (now grown up) children are confirmed atheists!

SparkyDudess Wed 20-Feb-13 17:05:17

Hully, like I said, we definitely debate, and I've got one of those faces that is very expressive - my moments of 'wtf are you on??' show up loud and clear!

It's hard to explain really - he's not into quoting from teh bible, doesn't see it as a reflection of actual events, it's more about the way he lives his life iyswim. It's also about iinterpretation for him - the whole 'no contraception' he understands as 'have as many children as you can provide for physically and emotionally' so there was never any issue with that, he chose to read it that way.

It works for us, and DS definitely gets a very different set of views from each of us. I think though that DH and I share the same values which are not faith based but are broadly perceived as 'good, christian values'. These are just rules for life (be nice, be kind, etc) and I think that's why it's never caused a more major clash iyswim?

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 20-Feb-13 20:11:07

Hully, as long as the couple have shared values such as respect and tolerance it isn't a problem. It only becomes a problem when one person believes themselves superior to the other, or tries to use the other's belief or lack thereof as a weapon.

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