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Non hijabi Muslims...why don't you wear it?

(86 Posts)
WaynettaSlobsLover Sat 05-Jan-13 21:11:26

You may have read my previous thread. I'm interested to hear why you don't wear the headscarf personally, and also what others reactions to you not wearing it have been. Would really appreciate some feedback on this inshallah and to hear your personal opinions and views on it all

CoteDAzur Sun 06-Jan-13 09:42:20

I would think it is because they are moderate Muslims who interpret the Quran according to our day and age rather than fundamentalist Muslims who adhere to the literal reading of the Quran.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 06-Jan-13 09:47:55

Cote, have you ever worn it? I was hoping to speak to you actually.

CoteDAzur Sun 06-Jan-13 09:58:10

There aren't enough mullahs in the world to tie me down long enough to wrap my head up in one of those grin so no, I haven't. Which is not surprising, because I am not and have never been religious.

Why would you think all Muslim women would have to wear a headscarf?

Do all Christians "suffer not a witch to live"?

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 06-Jan-13 10:44:52

Cote, I've taken my headscarf off recently because I don't believe it's neccessary. Have had a lot of crap from people, if you look up my previous threads you can see for yourself. Does anyone in your family wear it? I remember from a thread a while ago that you are Turkish and have a Muslim family

CoteDAzur Sun 06-Jan-13 13:31:07

Nobody in my family wears it. None of my friends do, either, although most are quite religious.

This includes my very devout grandmother who did her prayers 5 times a day until she literally couldn't move.

amirah85 Sun 06-Jan-13 15:24:36

i dont think moderate muslims dont wear it and fondamentalist ones do.i think everyone has his own reasons.not that cote could ever aknowledge that,we are all fondamentalist unless we dress and behave like westerns.

CoteDAzur Sun 06-Jan-13 16:31:06

Do you know what the word "fundamentalist" means, amirah? In a religious context, it refers to people who follow their holy book literally.

If one follows the Quran literally, then yes, Muslim women should wear the hijab because they are told in the Quran to drape their covers over their bosoms. Therefore, fundamentalist Muslims will naturally be wearing headscarves, tightly bound over their bosoms, at the very least.

However, not everyone follows holy books literally. They are usually called moderates but I'm happy to use another word if you think this one is inappropriate. These women think "Well, I don't live in the desert over a thousand years ago, so don't wear that bedsheet referred to in the Quran as "khimar" to start with. Anyway, I can achieve modesty in my own way, I don't need to cover every strand of my hair.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 06-Jan-13 16:48:01

Cote are your friends comfortable and happy about not wearing it? I'm getting tired of explaining to people one of the reasons why I don't wear it is exactly what you have stated above in terms of being in the desert all those years back/wearing khimar to ultimately protect skin and hair from dust and sun damage etc.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 06-Jan-13 16:51:38

Moderate Muslims are basically referred to in strict communities as 'kufar' at least that's what I have experienced personally. The headscarf is apparently the be all and end all of a Muslim woman's level of faith....never mind if she prays 5 times a day, fasts, gives charity in abundance and is a decent person.

CoteDAzur Sun 06-Jan-13 17:09:29

"are your friends comfortable and happy about not wearing it"

Yes, definitely. Your faith is in your head, not what you put over it. You shouldn't be pressured into doing anything you are not comfortable with.

I'm just now watching an old recording of Nasser (1953) where he says he met the head of Muslim Brotherhood, who told him he needs to pass a law saying women have to wear headscarves outside the home. Audience laughs, Nasser smiles. A man from the audience shouts "Tell him to wear it himself!", everyone laughs.

That was in 1953 sad

CoteDAzur Sun 06-Jan-13 17:10:25

What do your friends say? Are they calling treating you like a 'kafir'?

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 06-Jan-13 17:21:38

I like the views of hassan el banna's brother Gamal el banna, he is extremely educated and progressive and write a booking the whole hijab thing, still need to get hold of it. So many accredited and brilliant thinkers have been swept aside by the majority of Islamic clerics and branded secular and other insulting things besides. My friends and in laws have taken it very badly cote. I have been told I may have "taken myself out if the fold of islam" hmm

CoteDAzur Sun 06-Jan-13 19:18:38

"brilliant thinkers have been swept aside by the majority of Islamic clerics"

One of the things I like about Islam is that it is very clear that there is no need for clerics. You read the Quran then do what you understand from it, there is no need for an intermediary between the Muslim and Allah. Quran is, after all, "complete, perfect, fully detailed" and all you need for salvation.

re your friends & in-laws - I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds pretty dire. They sound pretty small-minded and I don't know if they will ever understand/accept your decision not to cover your head. I read on another thread that you are a convert. Are you under pressure to prove that you are a good Muslim?

What does your husband think? As long as he is on your side and is fine with you not wearing the headscarf, you are fine, I would think. This depends on the culture, of course, but in the ones I'm familiar with, the husband is the ultimate authority over wives in such devout/conservative families.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 06-Jan-13 19:56:24

It is a pretty dire situation tbh. People who I thought I was close to and could trust have turned on me. Mil is still almost holding me at arms length and I feel awkward as hell every time I go over there with my dc's. I've just had about enough of everyone. It's opened my eyes to the local community in the worst way possible..I'm sure you know what I mean Cote..whatever the imam says goes, sisters and brothers being segregated so ridiculously and desperately, and the full blame of men's 'lusts' being laid down completely on the woman. If I saw this sort of shit and nasty self righteous "those dirty kufar, the west is to blame for everything" attitude, I wouldn't have gone near islam with a barge pole. Except its not islam, it's these people who call themselves Muslims. I wish others agreed with me also that you don't need Islamic clergy to live your life. The mentality here is "if you're not a scholar, put up and shut up". Husband is great thank god. Supportive, educated and kind. Childhood sweetheart lol

CoteDAzur Mon 07-Jan-13 11:39:28

I have to say that it sounds like you are in a more ignorant and fundamentalist society than I ever was. I don't know of anyone who has any grief from their friends & relatives because they don't cover their heads. It is a very personal choice and none of anyone else's business.

Can't your lovely DH talk to his family, saying "This is my wife, and I'm perfectly fine with her not wearing the headscarf. And it is none of your business"?

You can also find some quotes from the Quran that say not to force anyone to anything, everyone's relationship with God is their own, etc.

Frankly, I don't know if anything will change, though. As you said, such communities are incredibly rigid. Your best bet probably is to find some new (moderate) Muslim friends and hope that ILs come around in the long term when they realise that you are still the person you always were.

WaynettaSlobsLover Mon 07-Jan-13 11:44:55

Dh has spoken to his family and let them all know about it and not to judge or treat me differently..but as you said it's a case of just getting on with it because the facts are that they do judge and treat me differently. I appreciate the advice and acknowledgement because its hard as hell to get any kind of words of wisdom from those around me at the moment. Like you said, nobody's business what I do with my life is it. Thanks for the support x

CoteDAzur Mon 07-Jan-13 11:49:33

Good luck with it all. Let me know at some point how it all turns out.

firefly11 Mon 07-Jan-13 14:03:35

I've just only seen this thread. Well Waynetta, if you travel to an East Asian country, where there are a significant number of Muslims - Indonesia, Singapore, for instance - you will see there are many Muslims who don't wear hijab (normally the ones who do are married, middle-aged, etc.). They still consider themselves Muslim, but they don't wear it. They don't go around judging or treating people different if they are Muslim and don't wear it. I don't know why in England there seem to be such extremes - either you are very modern and even more liberated minded than the typical non-hijabi in East Asia, or you are very conservative and interpret the Quran literally. And I don't say this from myself. This is what my East Asian friends who have visited England have told me and what I myself have noticed as well. It is very different. For instance, most of the converts I've met here readily wear the scarf. In East Asia there are many instances of Muslim men marrying non-Muslim girls who choose not to wear the hijab. Nobody gives them hell about it. In East Asia the moderate Muslims are in majority - and none of the extremes - non-Hijabi but also not walking around with half their tits and asses showing - if you know what I mean, lol

(Not that I'm saying that there's anything wrong with a woman who chooses to dress like this. I'd say it's every woman's right to dress the way she wants. But just to give you an idea of how the Muslims in East Asian countries dress )

I hope you get more replies on here from other non Hijabi Muslims than just me and cote though. Surely there'd be more non-Hijabi Muslims around?

firefly11 Mon 07-Jan-13 14:08:15

Should be "liberal minded" than "liberated minded" lol... sorry.

firefly11 Mon 07-Jan-13 14:14:09

Yes and East Asian countries with significant Muslim populations include Malaysia and China. Many Muslims there don't wear hijab either. It's not a thing that gets you discriminated by other Muslims or anything like that. In fact I'd say the opposite is true. If a Muslim lives in a country with a non-Muslim majority, they would probably get discriminated or treated differently because they wear hijab. Unfortunately it's like this everywhere. If you go to a country like in the Middle East where everyone wears hijab, then you would fit in more to wear it.

Welovecouscous Mon 07-Jan-13 14:18:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopsInHoops Mon 07-Jan-13 14:20:30

Very few Muslim women here in KL go out without their headscarves in my experience firefly. I spoke to a colleague about it recently, who said she would be heavily criticised by her family and neighbours were she to stop wearing it.

firefly11 Mon 07-Jan-13 14:21:24

Just read the beginning of the thread. Yeah I've seen on some Muslim forums online where people were referring to non Hijabi Muslims as "kafir". It is so not right. And this is where Muslims around the world start to fall out with each other. Are they going to consider a large chunk of the non-Hijabi Muslim population in East Asia as "kafir" then? Similarly it would engender negativity in the minds of moderate Muslims in East Asia about the Muslims on the other side of the globe. I've seen this for myself. Not good.

firefly11 Mon 07-Jan-13 14:24:44

Loops, there may be more Hijabis in Malaysia but when I go there (I have family there - my mum's side) I don't see that many Hijabis at all. Just speaking from my pov that's all. You mean all those non-Hijabis I saw were getting criticised at home actually? How harsh is the criticism? Is it just like I was criticised by my mum's Catholic relatives in Malaysia for wearing miniskirts when I was 14? It is not the same thing as being shunned by family and friends and called "kafir" though, is it?

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