"you're going to turn him gay"

[starshaker]

This was what my mother said to me today when she saw my DTS had a butterfly clip in his hair. He has 2 sisters, his twin (they are 2) and DD1 (7) who love dressing up and he loves to join in. He loves playing with cars, tractors and his buzz lightyear as much as he loves pushing a pram, dressing up (as a princess) and hoovering.I dont encourage or discourage what they do, they get to play the way they like and as long as they are not trying to kill each other i just let them play.

Anyway, when she said that i said "and what? If hes gay then hes gay and it wont be because he played with a doll or had a clip in his hair it will be because that is just who he is and the way he was born"
Then she told me that the bible says its wrong and i said that the bible isnt right about everything.

She wasnt happy when i told her i thought the bible contradicts itself and how if we lived our lives the way the bible wanted us to then she would have been stoned as would I.

So was i right?

[nickelbabylyinginamanger]

you were right.

[ReinDearPrudence]

'You'll turn him gay' makes my blood boil, even when said in jest (I'm looking at you, DH). Yes, of course you were right.

[YDdraigGoch]

You won't "turn him gay" - lol.
But I'm not sure I'd let my DS dress up in girls clothes - though I can't explain why. Just not sure about it.
However I don't have a DS, so the situation has never/will never arise.

[RandomMess]

Next time just roll your eyes at her and give a deep sigh

[starshaker]

I really was shocked that a supposedly intelligent person would even think this. It is not like its a choice that you make.

[bluebiscuit]

I would have been a bit more diplomatic to avoid the confrontation personally. I would have said that you don't turn someone gay, they just are gay if they are.

I bought my dd a tinkerbell movie and my 6yo ds loves it. Children should be allowed to play with any toys they want, it will have no impact whatsoever.

[judefawley]

I am afraid I know plenty of people this ignorant.

Both of my boys loved prams, dolls, 'girly' toys. My ds1 clutched Fizz from the Tweenies for 2 years.

It used to wind my mum up no end.

[starshaker]

Oh and he still has his slide in. Neither of his sisters keep them in for more than 5 seconds but he has had it in all day lol

[IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou]

"The bible says.." is always going to be a weak argument. It's simply too complex and unwieldy and, as you say, contradictory. What is her opinion on the declaration by the pope that you must obey your own conscience before any ecclesiastical authority? Far to many people think you can practice a faith without being a critical thinker. It's bollocks. It makes it meaningless when 'we believe' becomes 'I read in the daily mail that the pope thinks'.

Does she think that gay people wear clips in their hair? That is the oddest part of the whole story.

[tiffinbaker]

Silly mother. Of course you are right OP. Your son's eventual sexuality will not be affected one way or the other by this - but his long term happiness and mental health will be significantly improved by knowing that he can express himself and be who he is without being judged by his mum.

My DS (age 3) has recently chosen bright pink wellyboots which I was expecting to be cause for similar comments when visiting my parents and in-laws over christmas but happily no-one felt strongly enough to mention it, which is pleasing.

[peanutMD]

I get this from IL's.

DS got a pushchair for his 3rd birthday much to their dismay. He is now 6 still owns it and since he could speak his favourite colour has been pink.

We are going to the cinema next week, when asked if he would like to see Rise of the Guardians he said no but the Tinkerbell movie looks good so we'll see this instead.

There is no way of turning children gay.

[MissPricklePants]

I get this about my dd (aged 3.7) as she likes trains, dinosaurs and pirates!she also likes 'girly' toys. It really irritates me, I don't care if my dd grows up and is a lesbian nor do I care if she grows up and is straight. As long as she grows up happy! There is no way of turning a child gay.

[mariammama]

If it's that easy to change his eventual sexual orientation, why is she worried, she can just change it back by presenting him with a few carefully chosen purchases

[HouseOfTinsel]

lol at "'I read in the daily mail that the pope thinks...'"

If you think about it, why should the bible's sources be any more reliable? They are probably a lot less reliable, if anything.

[Cuddledup]

Cripes Star! My DD hates dresses and loves leggings and has been playing with a water pistol today - does this mean she could turn gay . (DH's 1st wife is gay - after having two sons - who are v straight.!)

[Aboutlastnight]

it's one of the great regrets of my life that I don't have a gay son. sigh.

[tribpot]

I like mariammama's impeccable logic. Sexuality is merely an expression of shopping choices. Do people end up bisexual if they simply buy too much shopping? I think we should be told.

I completely despise the whole world of hatred and fear behind the phrase 'you'll turn him gay'. I wouldn't want my ds to hear it, whether he turns out to be gay or straight, any more than I would want him to hear racist language.

[sweetkitty]

DS went though a phase of wanting a clip in his hair like his sisters and I took him out with it in.

He was wearing pink slippers all day today too

His 7 year old sister has since she was 2, hated anything girly, she dresses like a boy right down to her underwear, plays with all boys toys and has even said on occasion she wants to be a boy and have a winky. You can imagine the looks and comments we get but I'm happy she feels confident to be herself. I get consoled that she will probably turn into the girliest teenager but I don't care if she turns out to be the butcher lesbian as long as she is happy in herself.

[MaryBS]

You can't turn people gay, any more than you can turn people straight. I believe that God made all of us, and if people are gay, thats what God intended because He doesn't make mistakes. We are told to love one another, without conditions on that.

The bible can be contradictory, particularly if you read it literally, without allowing for context and translation. I also think that if the bible was easy to follow and understand, we'd read it once and not bother again because we wouldn't need to.

[chubbychipmonk]

My DS is 3 and loves nothing more than 'helping' me do my hair/ make up in the morning . . And putting clasps eyc in his hair. He goes to crèche & I have frequently gone to collect him to find him wearing a Bob the builder hat complete with fairy wings and a matching pinkhandbag ( much to DH horror!). In addition he loves cars, dinosaurs, toy story etc etc!

Children at that age have no gender stereotypes, they see all toys as toys, it's us as adults who reinforce blue for bus, pink for girls, cars for boys, dolls for girls etc.

There is no way of making someone gay, you either are or aren't. . . And DSs sisters dressing him up in hair clasps is going to do nothing more damaging to him than making him cringe about it when he's older.

Take lots of pics of him with his hair clasps in for his 18th birthday party!

[NotGeoffVader]

Stars you were quite right. I have a DD who is equally happy wearing a tutu one minute and playing with cars and trains the next.
Whether she grows up to like girls or boys more has nothing to do with it, and whatever she chooses, I will be happy for her.

[Titchyboomboom]

Round of applause!! Well done.

[Titchyboomboom]

Oh, and I would be fine with dressing up.

[sarahtigh]

i thought i knew my bible pretty well but never remember quote about hairslides