Anyone a christian and gay?(15 Posts)
I have recently left an abusive marriage of eighteen years, and have found myself in love with my best friend. We want to explore being christian and gay, however our church (which we have tried to leave) disagree with our lifestyle choice and are forcing us to tell our children, who are 15,14,13,12,and 10. We are not ready to do this, as to throw another thing into the mix, she has not yet told her children she is leaving their dad. (He does know about the affair.)
(We could sell our story to Eastenders!)
Anyone have any sage advice out there? And how do we tell the kids?!
MrsGumboots, The only advice I have is to ignore your church. I am sorry, but it sounds as though they are trying to punish you by forcing you to tell your children when you are clearly not ready.
You are just out of your marriage and your GF has not yet left hers. It is way too early to tell the DCs anything. BTW, I would be saying this if you were any single parent with a new relationship.
You say that you "tried" to leave the church. What was it that stopped you?
Hi MrsGumboots. Congratulations on leaving your abusive past and finding love and hope for the future. There are lots of gay people who are Christian, and you will find lots of support at the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement http://www.lgcm.org.uk/
You don't say what denomination you belong to but some are definitely more gay-friendly than others! I'm sorry yours is not being supportive. How are they forcing you to tell your children?
well, we tried to leave by sending them an email stating we had left so leave us alone.... they refuse to.
AOG Devora. They say my ex-h has a right to know so he can divorce me for adultery, however nothing happened until after I had left him for at least a month! (Scary short time, I know. But she is my best friend. We know everything about each other.)
Really want advice on how to tell them too, and her kids.....
Sorry, still didn't explain. If they tell him, he will tell the kids. He is not capable of keeping it to himself.
MrsGumboots, I'm too tired right now to type a sensible sentence, so am off to bed. But I will come back tomorrow to discuss how to talk to your kids, I promise. I'm sure you'll get loads of good advice soon.
Well done on leaving the abuser behind. What a shame your church is not dealing with you in grace. Whatever your life choices you should be shown love first and gentle teaching or reprimanding second.
Personally I would be more concerned about you both embarking on a new relationship so soon after your old one, and during her one. I would counsel you to leave it a while first and try to have some time apart, establishing yourselves as individuals separated after marriage before leaping into anything new.
Legally adultery is defined as penetrative sex I think, so I'm not sure if it is technically possible to divorce you for adultery? Unreasonable behaviour perhaps. But others would know better than me.
I do think your husband has a right to know if your children are involved in the relationship, but it sounds like you are keeping them out of it for now. And anyone who has been an abuser loses most "rights" to polite consideration post split IMHO.
I pray you will find somewhere you are accepted and loved for being you, as well as encouraged towards a deeper faith and closer obedience to Gods law, however you understand it.
What is your church doing when you say they won't leave you alone? If you don't go to any services, then surely that is it? Tbh a church which won't let you leave sounds lmore like a cult!
I am a Christian, and the way they have treated you at the church is not what I would consider 'Christ-like'. Just think about how Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman - and she was described as an 'adulteress'.
My OH just did a series of videos for schools on a Christian perspective of homosexuality, asking various church leaders how they felt about it. There were a variety of different answers- some were more liberal than others. However, I know that Jesus wants to welcome all into his family regardless of their choices; just be willing to be open to what other Christians have to say. I hope you are welcomed if you try somewhere else. X
I don't think having sex with a woman counts as adultery. However, she should sort out her old relationship before fully committing to one with you, especially as you have a best friend to lose if this goes wrong.
Find a new church and ignore your old one. How are they preventing you from leaving? Loving and accepting churches definitely exist. My partner is Catholic and most of the congregation are aware of our relationship (even though I don't go with her) and don't have a problem. The top tiers of the hierarchy do not necessarily dictate the views of individual priests/vicars/ministers, so whatever denomination you are, you may well find a church which won't have an issue with your relationship.
Will be watching your thread with interest - I'd very much like to join my church, but the whole "Jesus loves you as long as you are heterosexual" thing makes absolutely No Sense to me.
What if one of my kids is gay? Am I to believe in a loving God that would send people to the big burny fire for being in love? Not sure that I do.
I'd also wonder about the wisdom of the speed you are progressing. Am very glad you have left the abusive situation - but are you sure you're not rushing into a complete change of lifestyle for you and your beloved? I am not for a second suggesting you need time to think about what you are doing - but, there's a whole lot of kids in the mix and I suspect that they might.
Ok, nothing much to offer but.... Again I dont see quite how you 'can't leave' the church.... Don't go to services and ignore any contact they try to make. I had to do this with an old church of mine who lectured me that I couldn't marry my now DH because 'He's not a Christian!'
Oh and I'm openly Bisexual by the way.... My new church is, on the whole, against such things, but they are accepting of who I am and would never try to change me. The minister sent round an 'Anti Gay marriage' petition to the congregation as that's what he believed, but he also encouraged me to send round a 'Pro gay marriage' petition if I felt I should!! Love my current church!
Thanks guys, haven't been back as life has been mad. My kids are cool. Hers are a little less laid back but they are dealing with more than my guys had to. Got to love the responses; son said in response to me saying that others are worried we will 'make' them gay "no offense mum, but i prefer chesticles to testicles"
Church send us emails and try to contact us. Still drop the kids there for youth activities and they will attend with ex-hubs on their weekends. Hoping to try a church in london this weekend as we are child free.
Cannot imagine having space although we do as she travels for work. Others have also said about space, however, as best friends we know everything about each other. Despite all the backlash from family etc, we are so happy. Much easier now that kids know, and are ok with it; they can see we are both so much happier with each other. As DD said 'the greatest of these is love'
Try htb op in London. Amazing church and very excepting. www.htb.org.uk
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