Talk

Advanced search

My Islamic right to have another child

(5 Posts)
ThisCharmingMum Mon 27-Jun-11 22:07:12

I have DS 6 and DD 3 and have been pining for another DC for 2 years now.

DH says he doesn't want anymore.

I thought Islamically, he couldn't take away my right to conceive.

Am I right? It doesn't make any difference because DH not going to change his mind, but it's really important to me to know where I stand.

Feel very sad at the moment sad but praying it gets easier to cope with.

Am feeling very bitter towards DH and am worried about the effect on our marriage.

Has anyone got any words of comfort for me?

mousymouse Tue 28-Jun-11 08:59:25

sorry op, but I don't think this has nothing to do with religion but with partnership. if you can't agree, maybe that is a sign that the marriage is not what it used to be to both of you.
but I do feel for you, not a pleasant situation to be in.

ThisCharmingMum Tue 28-Jun-11 10:05:10

mousymouse Thanks for replying. I know it is ultimately a relationship issue, but I was seeking clarification on the Islamic viewpoint on the situation.

i.e. is it recommended to concede to the person who wants another child, or to the person who doesn't.

It won't make any difference to DH decision, but might help me come to terms with it if I knew what my faith says on such matters.

mathanxiety Sat 02-Jul-11 07:10:02

I'm no expert but from my reading I don't think he can deny you another child unless there is a grave financial reason to do so. However, I also think the two of you need to talk respectfully together about this.

The author of this opinion states, however:

'...the husband has no right to force his wife not to get pregnant if she wants to, by forcing the use of pills, injections or the use of an IUD. However, he is permitted to use a condom as long as he has obtained her consent for that. Additionally, he does have the right to do so by practising coitus interruptus during intercourse.
On a practical level however, such decisions are best made with mutual consultation between the husband and the wife; otherwise, it could lead to misunderstanding and mistrust.'

You are left with a balancing act involving various rights, but overall, it seems it is not something that can be unilaterally decided by your DH -- this is not a one-person decision to make. I don't know if there is any tribunal or counsellor who could help you talk this over together from the religious pov.

Aspects to take into account are whether limiting your family will lead to greater spirituality and devotion to God or whether it will lead to increased devotion to wealth.

GothAnneGeddes Sun 03-Jul-11 09:41:17

That's good advice Math.

This Charming Mum - Remember that relationships in Islam are not just about rights, but about mutual co-operation and love. Too often people use Islamic 'rights' to bully others into doing what they want and it rarely ends happily. I'm sure if you didn't want another child and Dh did, you would not be thrilled at him using the deen to blackmail you into it.

It worries me that you haven't even stated why he doesn't want more children, just that you do and you want to get your own way.

Sit down and talk to him and discern why he doesn't want anymore children and take it from there. It's worth doing a search on MN as there have been many threads on this with people discussing this issue and how they came to terms with it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now