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XP bought dog for me then took her when we split - can I get her back?

(9 Posts)
VengefulSinner Wed 21-Oct-09 09:14:30

My XP bought me and my DS a puppy 3yrs ago. 2yrs ago we split for a while and during the rows he took her away against my wishes. I moved and could not have pets in my new place so that plus ill-feelings caused me to give up fighting for her.

She is micro-chipped to me and I am now in a postition to take her into my home.

I have some contact with XP now and dog still adores me and will listen to commands from me over him.

Is there anyway that you know of that I could get her back without his consent st all (he will never agree to it as it is a hold he has to keep contact as he would like to restart the relationship)?

Thanks in advance

beautifulgirls Wed 21-Oct-09 10:36:02

You may need proper legal advice on this - don't just take her back without his permission at this point or you could find yourself in a lot of trouble. Legal ownership of a dog is a bit of a minefield, not least of which is posession for 7 days, which presumably your ex has had - however it may also depend on what was arranged at the time he first took her as well.

I presume you have asked him for the dog and he has said no? If not then that is a good start. Following on from that, is the dog insured? If so then contact your insurer for advice as they may be able to offer you some help. You could also call Petlog who administer the microchip registration and ask them for some guidance too. If all else fails then a solicitor would be necessary. It may only take strongly worded letter from them to make your ex see sense.

VengefulSinner Wed 21-Oct-09 11:00:09

Thank you for that. I have the Petlog microchip number and I am sure I still have the paperwork somewhere so I will give them a call.

He has now had her for 2 years and has her registered at his local PDSA so she is not insured.

I will find out what Petlog have to say and then if necessary will seek legal advice.

Many thanks again

Vallhala Wed 21-Oct-09 21:41:40

Vengeful, please don't take this the wrong way - I do feel for you. I'd just like to run this by you.

If your dog has been with your ex for the past 2 years would you be doing the kindest thing to her by taking her away? Looking at the wider picture I'm just wondering how this would affect her if she is well cared for and loved by your ex (though I'm not disputing that you wouldn't be just as loving and caring). If she isn't being particularly well cared for by your ex of course then its a different matter.

This comes to me because of my own experience when I adopted a dog from a couple who idolised him but who were emigrating to a hot country and didn't feel that they would be fair to take a very heavy coated dog with them (and also wouldn't have anyone to care for him if they had to suddenly return to the UK for a while to help with family as they feared they might).

I told them, with a lump in my throat, that if they ever came back permanently then he was theirs, as much as I already loved him, having had him to stay several times before I officially took him on. Their response was so brave - they felt that it wouldn't be fair to him to uproot him again (or to me) and that they had to be 'big people' and trust him to me, as they felt that this was in his best interests.

I don't want to upset you hun, and certainly would agree with the suggestions above if you decide to go ahead with getting your girl back. Only you know the whole situation and if I'm out of order, I'm sorry and tell me to get lost by all means. I know how desperately I'd miss my own dogs if I was in your situation.

Wishing you and your dog the happiest of outcomes.

DuelingFANGo Wed 21-Oct-09 21:53:24

I have to kind of agree with Vallhala though I do know how upsetting it is. I wanted to have the dog I got with my ex but after he started using him to emotionally blackmail me while we were splitting up I had to just let him go. I kept the insurance going for a year, which I paid myself, despite not seeing the dog at all in that time. I worried and wondered about him for so many months but in the end had to accept that he was never going to honour the verbal arrangement we had made about access.

I really feel for you.

VengefulSinner Thu 22-Oct-09 13:35:52

I understand what you are saying, and I would agree wholeheartedly if not for the fact that he may be losing his housing soon and also, as much as she IS relatively well cared for as in she gets fed and walked plenty, he smokes drugs around her and leaves her for hours alone in a bedsit, plus he has a different girl up there every night.
On the occasions I have visited (frequently until about 7/8 months ago) she was over the moon to see me and cried when I left.

As I say, she will always come to me over him and listen to me, ignoring him, when I give commands.

I know that I can give her a better life. He only took her to spite me.

Vallhala Thu 22-Oct-09 21:44:38

In that case hun, you go for it - I'm willing you to succeed.

Legal advice is the first step, as has been said... failing that, could she not just "disappear" from his grasp and into yours? After all, you are the true owner - i.e. the pup was given to you as a gift not a loan and this is backed by her microchip...

<innocent whistle emoticon!>

And if any idiot tells you not to stress, not to waste your time and money, that she's "only a dog", tell 'em to get lost from me.

VengefulSinner Fri 23-Oct-09 14:32:05

Thanks Valhalla. BTW - I saw your job on the dog thread and admire you for your work grin.

I am making headway - I am waiting for her to be dropped off to me now for the weekend!!! (gosh, it sounds a bit like I am the absent parent with access rights to a child!)

AND I have got him to agree that if anything does happen and he can't keep her that she comes to me and me only immediately.

Now just to find a way to keep her here/get my mitts on her permenantly asap...

Vallhala Sat 24-Oct-09 00:28:10

Great to hear you're getting somewhere Vengeful (and thank you for the compliment - couldn't do it on my own of course, there are lots of others doing the same though sadly still far, far from enough).

Just keep at it hun, convince the ex that your dog has a better life with you and that he would be being a 'big person' and doing right by her to let you keep her permanently.

I don't think it would do you any harm should you have to take legal procedings, heaven forbid, to register her at your vets (if you need to tell the ex you have you can say its 'just in case of emergency, it makes it easier if she's registered there').

Btw you may consider getting a tag made up with your details on it for the weekend/s, not for the same reasons as vet registration but in case she goes missing on a walk etc. If your ex's phone is off/he's out/he's miles away it would be vital for you to be contacted and not him.

Good luck hun and have a lovely weekend.

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