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Can anyone please come talk to me? My cat died today and I can't stop crying. DS is asleep and DH is at the AC/DC concert. The house feels so quiet and my lap is empty :(

(21 Posts)
Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 02:21:23

We had to put my poor old cat, Bucky, a ginger tabby, to sleep this morning. He would have been 14 in November. He was so lovely. He had chronic kidney failure, and deteriorated rapidly in the last few weeks - extreme weight loss, lethargic... the last two days he'd been hiding in the bathroom, and when he did walk or lie down, it was very carefully and uncomfortably. He had a bad night last night and at 7 am this morning he couldn't walk anymore. So we took him to the vet, and they were very kind and ended his suffering. I made sure to ask them to give him a sedative before starting the IV line because he always fought IV's and blood draws and I didn't want him to be afraid and panicky in the last few moments of his life. They did, and let me come in when he was quiet and had the IV line in. The vet talked to me, very kindly, and explained the procedure, and then gave me a few minutes to be with Bucky and say goodbye. Then he gave him the injection while I told him how much I loved him, and he passed away in seconds. I had time to sit with him and cry, and they took him when I was ready to leave him. They lifted him off his old quilt, which I'd wrapped him in, and snugged him up in a fleece blanket with a cat pattern on it. I suppose I'll get his ashes sometime this week.

I had to go to work today and keep it together for my patients, and when I got home, DH had to leave to meet his buds to go to the AC/DC concert. (We're in the Vancouver, Canada, area.) He was so upset that he had to leave me and for his sake I put on a brave face , but now that DS is asleep (who was getting upset at mummy's tears) I don't seem to be able to stop crying. Normally this is my quiet time, reading or answering emails or MNing and Bucky would be on my lap. And he's not, he's dead, and in a refrigerator at the vet clinic waiting to be cremated. At least his body is. He hasn't been very well for a while, and one would think I'd be picturing him as he has been lately, but I keep seeing him chasing my bathrobe belt on the bed, or sitting by his water dish, practically, tapping his paw on the floor waiting for fresh water. Or sleeping on his quilt on the back of the sofa.

Is there anyone about who wants to chat? I know it's 2 am in the U.K. and most of you are asleep, and this isn't a cheerful topic, but I could really use someone to hold my hand tonight.

MoominMymbleandMy Sun 30-Aug-09 02:49:38

Oh, I am so sorry. I do know exactly how you feel. I have broken my heart every time one of mine has been put to sleep and I still miss them, particularly my lovely tiny tortie who slept cuddled up in the crook of my arm every night.

Time passes so quickly with a cat. When they are at the end of their lives to us it seems only yesterday that they were lively bouncy kittens.

I hope it helps to know you gave Bucky a happy life and he didn't have to suffer at the end.

And cry all you want. He was your friend and companion for 14 years. Of course you will mourn him.

Take care.

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 02:57:22

Thank you. sad It does feel just like yesterday that I adopted him from the Irving ASPCA and was told he mightn't live long because he had a heart condition. I thought at the time that even if I didn't have him for a long time, I'd be happy knowing that for that short time he'd be well taken care of. Here I am, nearly 14 years later...

When he was a baby, he was so tiny he slept in the hollow underneath my collar bone. I used to not move at night because I didn't want to disturb him. As he grew longer and longer he started sleeping on my chest and then behind my knees. I don't want to go to sleep because I know he won't be there anymore. {sad]

lazydog Sun 30-Aug-09 03:05:06

Just wanted to say how sorry I am... I too know from experience how you're feeling right now. It's such a horrible decision to have to make, but it sounds like he went very calmly and peacefully in the end, so hopefully that's some slight comfort.

If you feel you want to post again I'll be checking back all evening here (I'm also in BC!) so please don't feel that no-one's likely to be "listening" at this time of night. When does your DH get back from the gig?

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 03:15:38

Message withdrawn

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 03:17:37

What gets me the worst is that he really won't be coming up the stairs again and slinking under the baby gate... this is not a late-night-pizza-induced nightmare, he really is gone. That's it. I won't see him again. Ever,
Can't get my head around it.

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 03:19:24

And I feel like the world's shittiest mum because DS woke up and is perfectly happy sitting in front of the TV eating grapes and watching "Big Comfy Couch" and I'm sitting here crying. Surely I should be doing something a little more constructive with him, but I don't seem to be able to.

thumbwitch Sun 30-Aug-09 03:24:20

oh petal, so sad for you. It's awful, I know. I don't care what anyone else says, it's like losing a family member, especially when you've had him so long.

When I left home for work, within 2 weeks I had obtained a kitten for my mum, to replace me (trust me, she liked the kitten better!) He was a lovely grey tabby, we called him Tigger, he was going to be such a beautiful big cat but he was run over when he was barely a year old. It took me MONTHS to get over it - all that wasted potential, it was horrendous. He had stayed one night with me before I took him home to my parents, and he remembered me - every time I came back home, he would run to me, demand to be picked up and drape himself over my shoulder. As far as he was concerned, he was MY cat still. Gutting. I could never have another one after that, it was just too upsetting. I turned instead to Guineapigs - much safer.

Honey, have you pictures of him? Print one out and stick it to your desk - it will make it seem more like he is still with you. And get a hot water bottle on your lap.

Lots of ((((hugs)))) for you, my dear.

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 03:39:07

Thanks thumb. I have his picture on my desktop, and DS currently has pride of place on my lap as I'm shedding tears all over him.

Distract me for a minute. I haven't kept up with the Tea Room. How's Oz? What time is is there? It's 7:40 pm here, Sat Aug 29th [confused emoticon}.

lazydog Sun 30-Aug-09 03:53:36

I'm in a tiny village out in the Rockies, not too far from a place called Valemount...? The nearest place of any size is Jasper, AB., about 100km away!

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I've never been good with words...I'm so sorry

Mumcentreplus Sun 30-Aug-09 03:54:35

So sorry/sad for you <<hugs>>

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 03:59:00

No, don't worry. It's not the words that are important, it's just the thought that I'm not entirely alone tonight.

<realizes how pathetic that sounds>
<gives head a brisk shake>

I do have friends grin, it's just that tonight, of all nights, everyone whose shoulder I would feel ok crying on are all either away or busy with their own stuff and I just don't feel like this is enough of an emergency to bother anyone with. Especially since there's nothing really to talk about - my little furball is gone, end of sad - and sitting there watching me cry seems a bit much to ask of anyone who could be doing more fun things.

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 03:59:39

Thank you MCP. I'll take all the hugs I can get.

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 04:06:03

Lazydog, I just Googled Valemount. How far are you from Clearwater? We spent a weekend there camping two years ago (exactly, actually) when I was 15 weeks pregnant with DS. My girlfriend and I went on a 3-hour trail ride that weekend. I didn't actually mention that I was pg blush because I didn't think they'd let me ride and I really wanted to. In the middle of a prolonged trot I got the worst case of the giggles because a) the horse in front of mine farted with every step and b) I kept imagining DS bouncing around inside me with a little speech bubble over his head saying "Mum, STOP SHAKING THE HOUSE!!!!" LOL.

Ok, can't believe something made me laugh tonight. Maybe there is hope for me.

thumbwitch Sun 30-Aug-09 04:12:21

ooh sorry, had to disappear to do worky things.
It is currently 13:08 on Sunday afternoon here in NSW. The weather is extremely windy and a bit chilly out of the sun but it has been bizarre weather for "winter" since we got here - temps of 29deg for e.g. hmm Bodes ill for the summer <sigh>
DH keeps telling me it doesn't get that hot here - we'll see.

TOo manic for words - so much to do on the house,plus we had to go to Sydney on Friday to pick up my airfreight crate, only to have the AQIS insist on a quarantine inspection because I was honest enough to confess to a wooden rocking horse and a feather pillow. FGS.
So we have to go back on Tuesday. <sigh> and pray that the quarantine inspector passes everything nicely - I'm not too bothered if they want to napalm the pillow but I'd be sad to lose the rocking horse! can't see it tho, it's proper polished wood, no horse hair.

thumbwitch Sun 30-Aug-09 04:15:24

Lol at your horseriding story - reminds me of going to band practice when about 8m pg - DS used to kick around an awful lot to certain choons, notably Long Train Running and PLay That Funky Music White Boy. We couldn't decide whether he hated it or was groovin' on down to it inside! Either way, I refused to allow it cos it was just too uncomfy grin

Jacksmama Sun 30-Aug-09 04:16:36

The Ozzie Customs/ Immigration Laws strike me as a little... ermmm... ok, the polite word escapes me. Nazi-like comes to mind. Are you staying with MIL?

thumbwitch Sun 30-Aug-09 05:35:56

Yep sure are - Sorry again, had to go to lunch, have to go now. See you later... and keep remembering the good times.

MoominMymbleandMy Sun 30-Aug-09 13:56:15

Sorry to disappear last night. I am in the UK and I was falling asleep over the laptop.

I hope you're feeling a little better today. All the happy memories will outweigh the sadness of missing him in the end.

The hardest bit is when you forget for a milli-second and stop at the cat food aisle or think a noise in the background must be them.

Not many people would take on a homeless kitten with a heart condition. You did and it sounds as though he rewarded you a thousandfold.

CarGirl Sun 30-Aug-09 14:12:02

It's so hard isn't, even when you know it's coming and they're unwell.

Write down all the happy memories you have. I still miss the "I'm back" meow and being so warmly greeted in the mornings.

thumbwitch Mon 31-Aug-09 01:08:20

JM - you about yet? How are you today? I will be on and off until about 1pm today (I think that worked out as being about 7pm for you)

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