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My castrated cat keeps trying to get it on with my giant monkey.

(25 Posts)
Hangingbellyofbabylon Tue 25-Aug-09 18:16:53

My cat is a year old and was neutered at about 6 months. I have a giant stuffed toy monkey which the dd's have got out to play with and is currently sat on the armchair. The last two nights he has approached the monkey and started paddling like he is finding somewhere to sleep - next thing he is semi-humping and going all jittery shock. Last night dh picked him up and there was his teeny tiny penis sticking out! Do neutered cats still get sexual desires? Also if I left him alone is he actually going to bring it to fruition iyskwim? Is cat castration just like a human vasectomy? shock.

My poor poor monkey.

EccentricaGallumbits Tue 25-Aug-09 18:19:58

castration shouldn't be like a vasectomy cos the whip off the balls entirely so in theory he shouldn'thave any 'urges'

no idea what's going on wwith him. can you imagine the offspring?

EleanoraBuntingCupcake Tue 25-Aug-09 18:20:23

i thought it was going to be a real monkey - v. disapointed

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes Tue 25-Aug-09 18:30:30

My castrated cat constantly humps my springer spaniel.

Hangingbellyofbabylon Tue 25-Aug-09 18:32:38

It's the fact that he's half kneading like they do when breastfeeding and half humping shock. He obviously has some dirty fanstasy about the monkey being his mother. He was weaned from the breast very late, perhaps this is telling us something. wink.

PaulDacresCrackWhore Tue 25-Aug-09 18:41:50

I had a cat that did this. He'd steal jumpers and towels and take them off to dark corners to have his wicked way with them. Was definitely humping. In the end we had to give him his own wanky blanky and warn visitors not to leave cardies etc in reach.

PaulDacresCrackWhore Tue 25-Aug-09 18:42:32

BTW - my favourite thread title of the day grin

MadameOvary Tue 25-Aug-09 18:45:09

This should go in Classics grin

StayFrostysSister Tue 25-Aug-09 18:47:36

rofl @ 'wanky blanky'

My neutered cat does this Hangingbelly, he does it to dh's arms and legs mainly grin one mintue he's having a nice cuddle, then he gets progressively droolier and paddlier and the next minute his bum is going, then he skips off to the floor to lick his bits and you can see his little lipstick poking up iykwim.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes Tue 25-Aug-09 18:48:21

Our cat is black and white like our springer. when it was a kitten it used to try and feed from our dogs willy. The dog would lie on its back and let out a huge sigh when it had finished.

Our dog used to hump dd stuffed horse on the dining table in front of our bay window. If you pressed the horse in a certain place it would give a neigh which the dog took as a sign of satisfaction. My study used to be above the dining room and whenever I used to see people staring into my house I would know the dog was shagging the horse again.

pmsl at wanky blanky.

PaulDacresCrackWhore Tue 25-Aug-09 18:49:18

EWWW at IOnly's cat and dog!

StayFrostysSister Tue 25-Aug-09 18:56:19

IOnly, it sounds like the Fall of Rome in your house with all the decadent interspecies shagging.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes Tue 25-Aug-09 18:59:25

I know , we were thinking of getting some guinea pigs but the mind boggles at what may happen.

At least the fish keep themselves to themselves, although the mollies are relentless in their carnal desires.

PaulDacresCrackWhore Tue 25-Aug-09 19:01:04

Mollies? What are theyy? Do I want to know?

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes Tue 25-Aug-09 19:02:32

Fish, they are well known for constantly wanting to get it on. I need to have a few females for one male as the males can drive the females to a breakdown with their constant demands.

PaulDacresCrackWhore Tue 25-Aug-09 19:08:15

You pander to his unnatural lusts? Fishpimp!

PaulDacresCrackWhore Tue 25-Aug-09 21:37:04

No other monkey-spanking pets? Oh come on...

Hangingbellyofbabylon Tue 25-Aug-09 21:39:26

oh my! it makes my cat look fairly innocent -am a bit shock at the cat giving the dog a BJ!! and bleurg at the wanky blanky. Can I just cut to the chase and ask... if I let him go at it on the monkey, would he erm... ejaculate? I just need to know if my monkey is gonna get it in case he is up to mischief when I'm not around.

PaulDacresCrackWhore Tue 25-Aug-09 21:40:35

From my experience, you don't have to worry about fluids. Just inappropriate cat hair and startled guests grin

PacificDogwood Tue 25-Aug-09 21:41:48

Your thread title wins my vote for the "Funniest title of the day" Award!! Brill!!

Sorry, I have absolutely nothing constructive to add either.

<<feels embarrassed now and slinks off to bed>>

StayFrostysSister Tue 25-Aug-09 21:43:00

He can't ejaculate if he has no balls. Ours just licks his peepee till he sees us laughing at him, then stalks off in an affronted manner.

VulgarAchesButCanRun5k Tue 25-Aug-09 22:34:29

I've got an elderly female carpet who munches the carpet if Dh tickles just above her tail.

And I had two gay male kittens who used to lick each other's willies and hump each other all the time. Sadly one got run over sad so the one left is just a lonely old queen now.

VulgarAchesButCanRun5k Tue 25-Aug-09 22:35:57

elderly female CAT not carpet. blush

bumpybecky Tue 25-Aug-09 22:38:52

I was giggling at wank blanky but IORTDM's post has got me crying with laughter!

Hangingbellyofbabylon Wed 26-Aug-09 17:39:26

This thread is messing with my head - had some horrible dreams which involved my cat humping cushions as well as the monkey. Thank goodness the wanky blanky didn't feature in my dream.. shock

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