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I'm going to have to have our dog put down [sad]. How to handle it with DD?

(50 Posts)
TequilaMockinBird Sat 13-Jun-09 15:46:42

Found out about 6 weeks ago that our dog has cirrhosis (sp?) of the liver. He had filled up with fluid and had extensive tests/x-rays/scans etc. to determine this. There's obviously nothing that can be done apart from giving him liver tablets and some diuretics to try and slow down the build up of fluid.

I had the fluid drained off at the vets just before I went away on holiday and when I got back 2 weeks later he had filled right up again sad.

Took him back to the vets when I got back and they said that they could drain him again but that he would only keep filling up with the fluid again.

This last 6 weeks I have spent just short of £1000 on vets fees, tablets, tests etc. (had to borrow the money from a friend because I stupidly didnt have him insured and I couldn't afford it).

He is now very uncomfortable, has trouble lying down and his walking is starting to become affected because of all the excess weight he is carrying. Also, because of the pressure the fluid is putting on his bowel etc, he has constant diarrhoea and is having trouble controlling it - meaning I have to leave him in the kitchen with newspaper down.

So I think the best thing all round is to have him put to sleep sad. We have had him for about 6 years and DD (11) absolutely dotes on him. He is her best friend and she spends most of her time after school/at weekends etc. walking him, playing with him. She has been to the vets with me and so knows that he wont get any better but will just deteriorate. We have had lots of tears the last couple of days and last night she came to me and said that she'd made a decision and that she thought he should be put to sleep so that my dad (her grandad) could look after him in heaven sad

So now that we've both made the decision, I'm not sure how to handle it from here. Do I take her with me to the vets when we take him in? Or should I do it when she's at school? Do they just take the dog away or would they give him the injection while we're there?

I'm really worried that DD will go off the rails once the dog has gone. Since I kicked my abusive ex out (who now rarely bothers with DD), her bond with the dog got stronger and took her mind off her daddy not being here sad

Please help mn'ers

kormachameleon Sat 13-Jun-09 16:13:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilymolly Sat 13-Jun-09 16:18:06

oh I am so sorry.
What an awful thing to have to do on your own.

I will face the same dilemma in about 7 years time, when our labradors reach their golden years, and dd and ds will be devastated.

I plan to be as honest as we can, and to involve them as much as they want to be involved.

It may help her, is you get another dog/puppy for her to have a new bond with? is that something you would consider?

Def second the cremation ans scattering of ashes idea.

Really feel for you x

nickschick Sat 13-Jun-09 16:25:06

Its awful sad.

Poor you,poor dd and poor doggy.

It is the absolute kindest thing imo choosing this way a dog cant tell you he's had enough,hes tired and he feels rough he has to trust you to make the decisions for him and part of being a responsible pet owner is knowing when the time is right.

Our hamster died last year (i know a hamster cant compare to a dog ) but when he died we told our boys that hamsters do have short lifes and he was loved and looked after and hed had a very nice life filled with love and treats and that was his time to go- they did cry and they still miss him but for us being matter of fact albeit v nicely worked.

fishie Sat 13-Jun-09 16:26:47

oh dear tequila, not what you expect in such young dog, how sad.

i had a guinea pig which i loved dearly, he died while i was at school aged 7. i did see his body and we had a funeral.

ashes would be a lovely thing, you could have a sort of little shrine in the house, or scatter them. talk to your dd and see what she'd like to do. she might be very relieved not to be expected to be there at the end, or she might really want to be. it is all very peaceful, just an injection carefully given and dog literally does go to sleep.

you could also explain that it wouldn't be disloyal to get another dog, but of course not for a while as you are mourning the loss of your friend.

TequilaMockinBird Sat 13-Jun-09 17:15:47

The ashes thing is a lovely idea, I hadn't realised that you could do that with animals ashes!

DD would probably really like to bring the ashes home and keep them in a little trinket box or something, then the dog will still be with her in a sense IYKWIM.

I don't really want to get another dog/puppy, it's not really fair now that I'm working full time and there's nobody at home in the day for it. I was thinking about buying DD a present or something though - maybe a silver locket which she can put a photo of the dog in? Or a nice photo frame?

Would we definitely have to stay with the dog while it goes to sleep or would they take it away and do it after we've gone? I'm not sure I could sit and hold the dog without breaking down tbh sad. I know that probably sounds awful but, for me, it would bring back awful memories of my Dad dying. Although I could probably get one of my friends or my mum to go and sit with it.

pickyvic Sat 13-Jun-09 17:21:54

im just having my little dog checked over at the vets - his back legs have gone and im dreading any bad news so you have my sympathies on this one.

id get the vet to come out to the house and do it at home where he will be less stressed, and fwiw your doing the right thing however hard it is. as far as your DD (she is same age as mine) id ask her if she wants to be there or not. it will be heartbreaking.

if you take him in they will do it while your there if you want - i would have to be there to cuddle him while he goes - wouldnt want strangers surrounding him in his last moments, but i think im gonna get vet to come out to my house and do it there.

best of luck and god bless. x

brimfull Sat 13-Jun-09 17:23:12

so sorry
we had out dog put to sleep in february of this yr.
It was so hard,dd is 17 but we had had her for nearly 14 yrs so dd was very attached.Tbh she helped me as I was quite devastated ,didn't expect to be so upset.

I don't think you should take your dd with you,they couldn't find a vein in our dogs leg and ended up having to take her away to do it,she was heavily sedated though.

Remember if your dog was large there will be quite a lot of ashes,more than a trinket box full.

TequilaMockinBird Sat 13-Jun-09 17:28:16

The dog isnt very big. He's a jack russell crossed with a corgi (we think!). So I don't think there would be that many ashes.

Ggirl, its awful isnt it. I didn't really think I was all that emotionaly attached to him until now sad

Will the vet come out to the house then? And then once the dog's asleep will he take him away to be cremated and bring the ashes back? Does anybody have any idea how much this will all cost?

Apologies for asking stupid questions but I've never had to do anything like this before sad

brimfull Sat 13-Jun-09 17:29:46

tis £££

I paid just over £100 for her to be done at the vets and no cremation, add about another £150 for cremation and another £50 for homevisit I would say.

brimfull Sat 13-Jun-09 17:30:33

oh these are prices for large dog,may be less for wee one

CarGirl Sat 13-Jun-09 17:32:28

you're not suppose to but do you have a garden to bury him in. Get the vet to come to you, having a private cremation (rather than a communal one) is pricey.

pickyvic Sat 13-Jun-09 17:33:31

a personal cremation for a pet is very expensive.

when the time comes im going to dig a big hole in the garden....couldnt possibibly afford a cremation for mine. the other way i think they do it if you cant take him home is a sort of group cremation....you wouldnt get his ashes back though.

couldnt you bury him anywhere? then at least your DD would have a place to put flowers or whatever. i know im sounding so sappy - i had no idea how attached you get to them either...ive got another one but i swear im never having another dog. its just too hard when they go.

ilovemydogandmrobama Sat 13-Jun-09 17:34:52

Could you plan a special day before you have to put him down? She could plan to make it special, like take him for a walk or just decide to do the usual walk. Have a little party for him, take photos, make him his favorite meal, let him sleep with her for a night...

But the idea being that she plans it, so she will be more in control of when she has to say goodbye...

brimfull Sat 13-Jun-09 17:36:15

you have to bury them in quite a deep hole

atleast 3 foot I should think

pickyvic Sat 13-Jun-09 17:44:53

i get my DH to dig those kind of holes...and i always bury my pets in a cardboard box aswell...think the last thing we had to bury was my old moggie and he went a good 5 feet deep. the other thing to consider is if your ever going to move house. i left my moggie at the last one but she was under the patio so no one should ever dig her up again...still its something to think about.

i keep saying im having no more pets then someone knocks on my door with a stray and im suckered...but i mean it this time.

really sorry for you TMB. x

TequilaMockinBird Sat 13-Jun-09 18:07:47

I don't have a garden sad or I'd love to bury him!

Don't think the council would be particularly pleased about me pulling their concrete yard up either grin

ilovemydog..unfortunately a lot of those things are out of the question due to how quickly he has deteriorated. He can't walk very far now and even walking very slowly he gets out of breath very quickly. I can't let him sleep in her bed either due to the diarrhoea situation - I'm changing newspaper on the kitchen floor every half an hour today sad

shock at how much it costs to have them put to sleep though! Looks like having a private cremation is also out of the question due to cost so DD won't be able to keep the ashes. Unless they would give me some of the 'communal' ashes and DD would be none the wiser? [hopeful]

nickschick Sat 13-Jun-09 18:31:22

Im not so sure the ashes are a good idea -far better for her to think of him as he were 'whole' rather than in a pile of ashes ...my fil was devoted to his dog,paid nearly £300 for a night visit and he didnt keep the ashes.

She can keep his collar and his picture - far happier to remember her dog living as it were iyswim.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 14-Jun-09 09:56:21

how sad

xx

TequilaMockinBird Tue 16-Jun-09 11:32:19

Appointment for the euthanasia is booked for 5.30pm today sad

I cant stop crying, I didn't even think I was that attached to the dog! DD has sat up all night with him and is absolutely broken hearted.

I feel really awful, knowing what other people have gone through with regard to losing DC/DP's etc. but for some reason I just feel so guilty about having him put to sleep (even though I keep telling myself it's for the best)

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by letting him go sad

schilke Tue 16-Jun-09 11:55:17

Oh you are doing the right thing .... even though it doesn't feel like it.

I'll be thinking of you all later.

brimfull Tue 16-Jun-09 11:58:05

tequila-sosorry,it is really hard but it is definitely the right thing to do for the dog's sake.
It is 4 months today that my dog was put down.I found it much harder than I ever thought.
You are doing the kindest thing,he has had a lovely life with you and your dd and he won't have to suffer in pain any more.
Will be thinking of you .

TequilaMockinBird Tue 16-Jun-09 12:19:55

Thanks ggirl and shilke, I think it's more the guilt of making the decision to put him down which is getting to me.

I think if he'd been knocked over or died of natural causes then I wouldn't be so upset. It's more that I have actually made the decision for him to be put down - even though I know it's for the best - and taking him into the vets knowing that he won't come out again, that's the hard part sad.

Also, to see my DD so heartbroken, is making me worse!

thehairybabysmum Tue 16-Jun-09 12:48:33

Its really hard, feel so sorry for you and your DD. We had to have our cat put to sleep 3 weeks ago and it was so hard making the decision. Even thoughyou know withyour head it is the right thing, i flet awful about it and deliberated a couple of days more than i should really sad.

Once it was done though i actually felt better about it as with hindsight she was v. v. poorly and it did lessen her suffereing.

If you do nothing he will die anyway and not nicely so try to think of it like that. its really hard though, feel for you.

Vamonos Tue 16-Jun-09 12:53:14

So sad for you sad fwiw it does sound like it's the right (and only) decision you could have made.

We had our little dog put down recently and although she was ancient and ill, it still felt very wrong and terribly upsetting phoning the vet to make the appointment. It would have seemed so much easier if she had just died in her sleep. I didn't take her to the vet, DH did, although afterwards I did wish I had taken her, not sure why.

The vet gave him the option of staying in the room and he didn't, I don't think I could have either. This is a totally personal decision, and if you choose not to stay, hang on to the fact that the dog has no conception of what is going on, and that once the injection's done they lose consciousness very quickly.

Take it easy afterwards, have a large brandy (or box of chocs, watch a good DVD, whatever) and look after yourselves xx

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