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How long will it hurt?

(7 Posts)
ThatCurlyGirl Mon 30-Sep-19 14:45:00

My funny, sweet and beautiful best friend of ten years went to bunny heaven two weeks ago.

She's been my best little mate for a third of my life and I adored her. She was super loved and had a lovely little life as a house bunny.

Cheeky but so sweet she loved kisses and cuddles and playing but ruled the roost!

I still keep going to feed her in the morning then I remember, I say "ooh sorry curlybun" whenever I drop something near her favourite spot then I remember, I go to play with her when I have a break from work then I remember.

I dream about her too. It's hard to explain and I'm embarrassed to tell people in real life but to me she was as much of a presence in my life as the humans I love the most!

Loving her got me through some incredibly difficult times and loving her reminded me I am full of love to give.

I have bipolar and worry about my reactions being normal or not. Am I mental? Is this normal? How long will it last?

I currently feel like I never want a pet again because it hurts too much to have to let them go.

Picture attached so you can see her gorgeousness! 🐰 💗

ThatCurlyGirl Mon 30-Sep-19 14:45:46

Sorry here is a picture of her loveliness

HarryDaylight Mon 30-Sep-19 18:25:23

I'm so sorry for your loss. I believe that the death of a much loved pet is the same as the death of a member of your family. Almost worse in fact, because the bond is so strong and constant with a pet, and their love is unconditional.

You are bereft, suffering grief, and your reactions are normal.

She was very gorgeous. flowersflowersflowers

ThatCurlyGirl Tue 01-Oct-19 16:01:05

Thank you for your lovely reply @HarryDaylight it's nice to hear that other people feel this loss so deeply.

She really was just the best bun ever thanks for such nice words thanks🐰

Turniptracker Tue 01-Oct-19 16:04:27

I love my pets more than almost any other person in my life so it's absolutely natural to feel devastated at their loss, they are such a huge part of our lives. I recently lost my absolute fur baby through devastating illness and I was crushed. But we have recently got another friend and he brings us such joy and laughter. He isn't a replacement, just a new family member. But it has helped the huge hole in my heart x

purpleme12 Tue 01-Oct-19 16:05:48

She sounds absolutely wonderful I'm so sorry that she's not here anymore. It hurts so much. Pets add do much to our life.
Pets mean just as much as humans sometimes more. Pets are always there for us. I'm so sorry. I feel your pain.

FurrySlipperBoots Tue 01-Oct-19 16:49:53

She was beautiful. <3 I know how painful it is to have to say goodbye.

I had rabbits too. I lost one at 7 years old, which was very sad, but he'd been sickly for a long time so in a way was a release. Then I brought his brother into the house and he became so very special to me. He was my friend and constant companion at a really low point in my life. He needed me too, which nothing else ever really has. When I lost him shortly before his 11th birthday it absolutely shattered me. So, in honest answer to your question:

A year of absolute brokeness, sobbing most nights and caught out at random points during the day too. My parents were my rock during this time. They didn't exactly understand my intense grief for 'just a rabbit' but they loved me enough to support me unquestioningly through the pain anyway.

A year of having ok days and 'down' days. I would miss him most and cry for him when I was premenstrual which actually made me feel guilty, like it was just hormones and not my genuine feelings for him. If you need to cry you need to cry though, and sometimes it's good to have an excuse.

A year of feeling waves of sadness here and there, only crying very occasionally when I felt the need to, when watching videos of them maybe.

After that, just ripples of sadness when I'm reminded of particular things, like when there's a really good patch of sun on my bedroom carpet that he would have been slobbed out in enjoying.

It's been 5 years now since Pickles died. Things are just 'normal' now. I don't cry for the rabbits, I don't even think about them every day any more, and when I do I'm able to fondly remember the good times instead of dwelling on the loss.

Grief can take a long time but the blackness WILL lift. There are no magic solutions to how you're feeling, but here are some things that helped me:

Donating unopened bags of food and hay, good quality toys and vet bed to the local animal charity. They uploaded a video to their website some time later of their rescue rabbits enjoying one of the toys. It made me feel good that because Pickles had existed, other bunnies had happier lives too.

I kept a food bag with a handful of his delicious sweet smelling hay in it, which I would unzip and take big breaths of. It sounds bizarre I know but it helped me. I also saved a couple of his favourite toys, one of them being a rattly ball, and the sound of the jiggling made me feel like he wasn't far away.

I buried him next to his brother in the garden, under 'their' cherry tree, and planted some forget-me-nots. Again, that feeling that nature will benefit that little tiny bit just because of them.

I sat in their old shed/out in the garden looking at the stars. There's something comforting about the stars when you're missing someone.

I renovated my bedroom. I'd been holding off for years because, lets just say, Pickles didn't always 'make it to the litter tray in time', and he'd scratched and chewed my carpet to buggery. Planning and renovating my new room gave me something positive to focus on.

I adopted some gerbils. I wasn't in a position to get any more rabbits, and anyway, nobun could have 'replaced' him, but gerbils are sparky and fun and furry. I adopted them from a rescue centre so freed up space for more critters to be helped, and although it was also upsetting when they died a couple of years later, nothing like the pain of losing the buns.

In the distant future, if I'm ever able to have rabbits again, I will adopt them from a rescue, something I didn't even think of before getting my old bunnies. Again, the world will be that tiny bit of a better place because Ginger and Pickles were once mine, and that's a heartwarming thing to think about.

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