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Mother in law irritating me whilst bringing up puppy

(7 Posts)
Gracie95 Sun 29-Sep-19 16:33:47

I really need some help and reassurance with this one because I'm so irritated and frustrated by her atm and have no idea how to handle her.

Me and my partner live in my MIL's home, all in all she is amazing because she does so much for us and lets us stay here. Me and my partner brought a new puppy into her home recently and he will be 11 weeks old on Tuesday.

When he first came home I had a real breakdown with the puppy blues but it was due to some past trauma coming to surface and in that moment I wanted to give him back to the breeder because I thought I wasn't in the right state of mind to look after him, not realising that the past trauma would surface from something like this.

Anyway, in the end MIL got upset said she would take on responsibilities for him because she was attached to him and my partner said he would do more with him as well and so he has. But I was clear that by keeping him my decisions would be listened to on how I wanted him to be brought up.

Over the time I have taken back a lot of responsibility which is fine however, she doesn't ever reward him with treats when I'm not around which is frustrating because she is telling him NO all the time when he is doing something wrong or asking him to do certain things and then using my treat keyword 'Good boy' without giving him any treats. This is an issue because me and my partner sleep downstairs near his crate every-night and then get a few hours sleep every morning when she wakes up, she effectively takes over. She was also offering to stay downstairs at night with him but the two times she did this she refused to close the crate door, which to me was absolutely ridiculous and hindering his training. She keeps going to him when he barks and talking to him yet I've told her multiple times to ignore him unless he needs the toilet etc. She bomps him on the nose when he is naughty which I hate but because she has owned dogs in the past and done it to them she won't listen and insists that they learnt through that, when I say I still don't want her to do it I sound like a crazy person who Is making everything difficult for them but I am not.

There are then stupid situations where if we go shopping at night she refuses to go to sleep because 'He might need her' despite him going to bed by 7 and only asking to be let out for the toilet.

Then today when my partner passed a biscuit to me in front of him she says 'Aw don't get food out and pass it around in front of him, he'll think you have something for him' Comments like this really boil my blood because she has no idea what she is talking about. I shout 'He needs to get used to it' to which she simply ignores me. The comments are everyday and can often be jibs at me for instance when she was out I was calling his crate a crate and said to my partner we should say crate when it is bed time. My partner then used the word in front of her to which she said 'Thats a horrible thing to call it, say bed' Its like all my decisions are being overridden by her belittling nature and its so frustrating. Because of her age I just feel she thinks she has one over on me and see's what I want as not as important as what she thinks.

I am just finding it so so hard to cope and feel positive and happy raising him under her roof with the constant worry that she is going against what I want and then turning my pup into an untrained nightmare. I feel it's sort of like if I had a child and she was going against how I raised said child or belittling me. I'm sure she thinks she knows best which she absolutely doesn't. When he first came home she was angry when I refused to feed him cooked chicken for dinner to make him tired before bed? Errr no.. he's having the proper dog food the breeder has been giving him tyvm.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? I really need help knowing what to do. Confronting her Is really hard because she's really stubborn and emotional and also it isn't very fun confronting someone who is letting you sleep under their roof.

Help! sad

Yeahsurewhatever Thu 03-Oct-19 09:45:00

She has no idea of her boundaries with you as adults and a couple and your dog

But that's because you brought a dog into someone else's home, asked them to help look after it
But have no say in it.

Aderyn19 Thu 03-Oct-19 09:51:05

Time to move out. Tbh I think you were crazy to buy a puppy when you live in someone else's house. You agreed to let her take over the responsibility for the dog but now you don't like what she has done. I'm not saying she's behaving perfectly either - I think this is an issue of what happens when you have 2 sets of adults sharing space that only one of the adults owns. The dog is the catalyst for the wider issue.

mankyfourthtoe Thu 03-Oct-19 10:09:51

Yep move out or it up with everyone's ideas on dog training.

Cookiedough123 Thu 03-Oct-19 10:12:28

Also agree. It's her house that you brought a dog into.. you cant force someone to do something in their own house. Plus you wanted to give him up and she wanted to keep him. It wouldn't surprise me if she tried to keep him when it was time to move out.

Kaddm Thu 03-Oct-19 10:15:05

The only answer is to move out.

She is trying to help and I don’t think the things she’s doing are that bad. She clearly loves the puppy.

NorthEndGal Thu 03-Oct-19 10:20:01

I'm not sure you did right by bringing a puppy into her house.
Are you paying rent?

I really think you need to move out and set up up your own home so you dont feel so undermined in hers

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