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Neighbour's Cat Relying on Us

(48 Posts)
Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 06:32:47

A bit if a long story, so please bear with me.

Since January we have a neighbour's cat coming to visit us - she's a very friendly and lovely main coon cross. We've seen her in the neighbourhood and in our garden before, but she started to come in since January - the first time was a rainy day, and she stayed in our poly tunnel for most of the day, and when we opened the back door, she came in and made herself very much at home. We don't have any cat ourselves, but we are huge fans, my SO always wanted one (or two), so do I, but we move around a lot, so I have my hesitations.

But we do have some leftover cat food from when a friend was visiting with their cat, and she seemed hungry, so we gave her some food. Then she started to appear every morning and then at dinner time, begging for food. We would give her half a pouch at each time, she stay in the house for a bit after food, and then would go out, but we noticed that she spent a lot of time in our garden.
We know that cats visit people and go round people's houses, but she's here really a lot (I work from home, and can see the garden from my home office) and also always seem really hungry. She also has a lot of mats in her hair (about 7/8), we became a bit worried that something may have happened to her family.

We followed the suggestion on RSPCA website, and put a paper collar with our number on her, and did that a few times, the collar would disappear, but no response. We then took her to the vet, they scanned her chip, found out that she's 3 years old and was registered on the same street. They phoned the number on the chip, it's no longer available, but after phoning around other vets in town, they found her family. The family got in touch, and their teenage daughter came and picked her up in the afternoon - apparently they've got at least two children and another pet.

We thought that was that, and have said our emotional good bye to her, but she reappeared by our window at dinner time straight after... We decided that now we know she has a family, we will keep her out and not given her any food. But 3 days later, her begging for food wouldn't stop, so we let her in and gave her some - a moment of weakness?

Since then she's spending more and more time here, we kepted a small window open for her coming and going, but often she would spend the night here, and I would say at least three quarter of the day in our garden or our house, and probably half of that time in our house. We started to feed her the recommended portion because she was getting skinny. And we've never heard from the family again. We are okay with this 'arrangement', and we really enjoy her company. OS is having difficult time at work and she has been a great comfort.

However, we went away for a long weekend (3 days), we left some dry food and water for her in the poly tunnel, but when we came back the dry food bowl was empty, and she immediately appeared at our back door, and was extremely hungry. It all feels as if she hasn't been fed by anyone else at all. That's okay, we don't mind keeping on looking after her and we love having her around. But it does concern us and we are not sure what should we do next, and we are going away again this month and will be away for longer in July, we don't have friends or family near by to look after her, and we are of course willing to find a solution for that, but I feel we should speak to her family again. Yet... What should we say?

My first post here - I've been hanging around on Mumsnet for a long time, but never registered an account until now. I'm not very close with my family, so over the years I've read a lot on Mumsnet at key points in my life - buying my first house, my first car etc etc. And this time the situation is a bit rare, so I thought I'd ask on my most trusted forum.

I look forward to any suggestions and advice!

Toddlerteaplease Thu 30-May-19 06:49:16

You shouldn't have fed her. As you know she has a home. Cats are very good at doing the 'I'm
Starving ' look. I'd be really annoyed if you'd been feeding my cat.

IStillMissBlockbuster Thu 30-May-19 06:57:02

But on the other hand, cats choose their humans and it looks like he wants you...

TooOldForThisWhoCares Thu 30-May-19 07:02:05

I think you should ask the vet to make contact with the family again and try and sort out if they want her back. How did they seem when they picked her up the first time? Relieved? Pleased to see her? You can't really rely on the cats behaviour as an indication of whether they really want her or not, you need to try and talk to them.

NotTired Thu 30-May-19 07:02:45

My cat begs neighbours for food, no matter how much he's already been fed. He is allergic to so many things so then gets ill.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:03:00

@Toddlerteaplease I see your point, and we probably shouldn't have. But the question is what do we do now? Do we just shut the door and keep her out for our up coming trips, and not say anything to the family?

I do worry whether she's getting anything from the family, when they got in touch before, they hardly noticed that she's not been there (and this has been a week or so). But perhaps I'm wrong.

TooOldForThisWhoCares Thu 30-May-19 07:03:42

As to what you should say, if you do speak to them, I think you should be honest and ask if they would consider rehoming her to you.

ImaginaryCat Thu 30-May-19 07:05:24

Agree with PP the first time you gave her the slightest sniff of food in your house you massively breached pet etiquette. Yes cats do find themselves new places to hang out, and maybe the kids and other animals were getting her down, so it's fine to give her a place to lie down and chill. But you never give someone else's cat food.

Anyway, the damage is done now, you've basically given the cat the signal that your place is now home. So go round there, speak to her owners, explain what's happening and ask what they want to happen next. Are they happy for you to continue feeding her, in which case you now have an obligation to put something in place when you go away. Oh and vets bills should be on you. If they say no, you have to be mean and shut her out.

By the way, it's possible the reason she seems to lose weight could simply be she prefers the brand of food you give her. The buggers will refuse food for days if it's not the type they want. That's one of the reasons it's so bloody annoying when people feed pets which aren't theirs. It totally buggers with a diet the owners may have spent time establishing.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:07:41

@TooOldForThisWhoCares from there text, they hardly noticed that the cat has been gone for a week, and I don't understand why they never responded to our paper collar - but it could have been taken off at some point before reaching them. And I'm also a bit surprised that this has been a few months now, and she's hardly not here, they've never been in touch.

I have a feeling that it's not that the family doesn't want her, it's probably a lot going on there.

Qweenbee Thu 30-May-19 07:09:05

You need to talk to them face to face or get a written response to a letter, to see if they want to give her up. Don't be surprised if they get angry. You can't continue this half looking after her. Either you aren't or you are.
You should have ignored her after you found her family.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:10:51

@ImaginaryCat thank you, all very fair points. And we should not have fed her to start with - I'm very unguided in this department...

I will speak to them - we don't have their address but I still have the phone number.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:14:19

@Qweenbee thank you, and will do. We did try and keep her out when we found her family, and she just shows up all the time at the window, and I work from home so it did wear me down... As I said, a moment of weakness.

DizzySue Thu 30-May-19 07:14:37

It sounds like she spends more time with you than my own cat spends at home, she's definitely chosen you. At this point I'd just get a cat flap, buy her a bed and let her move in, as she's obviously not being missed by the other family - as long as she's free to come and go let her make the choice.

However, what will you do about yearly injections, deworming & de-flea treatment? On the slight off chance they are still keeping up to date with these (I doubt they are) she mustn't be treated twice.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:19:09

@ImaginaryCat also re brand of food. We tried various brands (from standard ones like wiskas, Felix to catz fine food and lily's kitchen) over the past months, she does have clear likes, but it's never happened when she doesn't eat something at all.

ImaginaryCat Thu 30-May-19 07:23:23

It'll come. Just like toddlers who scoff down sausages one week and the next declare they've never liked them, cats can appear happy with one brand, wait until you bulk buy 48 pouches of the stuff, then turn their back and refuse to eat it.

At least the hedgehogs benefit.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:25:19

@DizzySue haha, thank you. That's very good point re injection etc..

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:28:51

@ImaginaryCat smile noted. Yes, we did notice that when we bought a pack of 60 pouches once, she won't be as keen, but still would have it if she's really hungry.

Thank you again for all your suggestions.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:30:42

@TooOldForThisWhoCares thank you, we will do.

strawberrypenguin Thu 30-May-19 07:36:14

You stole someone's cat. Now you're trying to justify it. You should never have fed it in the first place. Did the vet say the cat was in poor condition when you took it in? I'm betting not.

ehohtinkywinky Thu 30-May-19 07:38:26

Ours get the odd matt even with regular grooming so it's not a sign of neglect in isolation. Especially if going outside and getting seeds / plants in hair.

I think you need to learn a bit about cats. They can do the 'feed me I'm desperate' thing instantly after being fed.

Stop feeding her, no more 'moments of weakness'. Stop letting her in your house.

Cats have a large prowling area and you're currently a stop on her route. You know she has owners and they may have thought you a bit odd and not wanted to communicate further with you, they don't need to act relieved or any way to get her back ... It would be an odd scenario having your cat pop out for most the day each day then being called to say someone has taken it to the vet.

Get your own cat if you miss her visits.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:45:58

@ehohtinkywinky I take every point you said, and I was very unguided on this, so it's good to have more information now. But we did try the paper collar thing first over a week's period for several time (4-5 times), it's not like we took her to the vet straight away. We did Google a lot at the time about how to tell if a cat was stray and followed everything here

But we are probably odd.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 07:48:12

@strawberrypenguin no they didn't, they only expressed a little bit of concern about the amount of mats.

buckeejit Thu 30-May-19 08:11:38

You do seem very critical of the owners - 'there's probably a lot going on there'. As they have 2 dc & 2 pets? Quite a stretch.

Can't believe RSPCA recommend bulk buying lots of cat food for potentially stray cat. Or that anyone would think a Maine coon is a stray.

Speak to the family & own up. Say you're happy to take cat or stop feeding & letting it into your house. If they choose the latter, let them know that it will start to eat more at home! Go get a cat from a rescue centre if you want one. Cats are free spirits & will see other people if they are getting spoiled. My dc love to go to granny's as she always gives them sweets!

Daffodil2018 Thu 30-May-19 08:12:11

I don't think you should beat yourself up about having been kind to a creature that seemed hungry and lonely!

I would probably contact the family again and tell them the cat is still hanging around your house but as you're going away for an extended period (be vague) they may want to keep a closer eye on it. I don't think you should entertain hopes of them offering or allowing you to adopt their family pet I'm afraid.

Have you thought about getting a cat of your own? In the long term this would keep the interloper cat away and it sounds like you'd offer one a great home.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Thu 30-May-19 08:12:22

Her family don't sound like they're that bothered to be fair - they didn't even keep their details at the vets up to date! It sounds like it was only luck that allowed the vet to find them

eddiestanleys Thu 30-May-19 08:26:41

She's chosen you

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 08:30:49

@buckeejit it's not just that, it's when we got in touch in the first place, it seemed they had problem finding time to come and pick her up, that's why the teenage daughter came in the end. And we are not in a wealthy neighbourhood, we struggle a bit ourselves, and a lot of the houses locally are just two up two downs.

But I do take your point definitely.

Longtalljosie Thu 30-May-19 08:31:04

My cat is on antibiotics at the moment. He doesn’t like them but has to eat them, and they’re mixed in with his food. I’m convinced he is doing a “poor me” act round at the neighbours because he’s not nearly as hungry as he should be.

You can’t claim his owners don’t love him because he’s round at yours, when he’s round at yours because there is food!

Jenala Thu 30-May-19 08:35:41

You shouldn't have fed her. I have a cat that is relentless at going to other people's houses. She is well looked after and fed plenty and is in fact a bit overweight. We've moved somewhere with less people so it doesn't happen anymore but she used to have three houses on our street she went to all the time. Everyone fed her because she 'seemed hungry' and everyone would stop for a bit when asked then start again. It was beyond fucking frustrating. You are getting all the benefit of a pet with none of the responsibility, flea and working costs, pet insurance costs.

Of course the cat will keep coming back if you feed it. I honestly think you pet stealing types must be stupid sometimes it's not rocket science. Why the assumption is an animal wouldn't go round for extra food unless it was soooo unhappy at home is beyond me.

It probably came across that I didn't care too - I looked for her but if you keep a cat in your house and garden, GUESS WHAT owners can't find them. How are they meant to show they are missing her??

Jesus Christ stop feeding the cat. Stop buying different brands of cat food and generally being so very selfish.

Jenala Thu 30-May-19 08:37:56

Would you go up to a dog tied up outside a corner shop and say oh he looks lonely I'll take him home? It's really no different. I will never understand why people think it's ok to just let in and feed other people's pets.

RuffleCrow Thu 30-May-19 08:41:55

You seem to be new to the concept of cats.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 08:41:58

@Jenala thank you for sharing your point of view. That's much appreciated. The owner do have our contact details, so they could say they want her back or ask me to stop feeding if they want to. It might be obvious to you how to deal with this situation, but I'm sorry it isn't for us. I never felt that the family didn't care.

bluebluezoo Thu 30-May-19 08:44:26

Phone them. Tell them the cat is always round yours.

Say it’s got to the point where you are happy to take the cat on if they transfer ownership- you’ll need documents and chip transfer forms.

If the answer is no then stop feeding it, stop letting it in your house and back off.

Uchijjang Thu 30-May-19 08:52:00

@Daffodil2018 thank you for your kindness and your suggestions. I think you have quite a good sense of the situation. I feel that the family is quite happy/okay with the current situation, and that's why they haven't been in touch. But I need to know whether she's still going home regularly and having food there.

WorkingItOutAsIGo Thu 30-May-19 08:54:18

We have a very beloved cat, who is fed twice a day the recommended amount to keep him a healthy weight. I recently got a text from a neighbour who had got my number from his collar and was trying to check if he was an abandoned stray. He had been round her house and she had fed him once and then every time she saw him she fed him and now he is pestering her for food. She was worried he was an abandoned starving stray.

I was happy to tell her he was very much loved and cared for, just a total glutton with a lying ‘I’m abandoned, feed me’ face that he can put on.

That’s why you need to take care feeding other people’s cats. He will not leave her alone now and it’s her own fault.

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts Thu 30-May-19 08:54:40

I have a couple of cats. Doesn't matter how much I feed them. If you offer them food they'll eat that too.

CornishMaid1 Thu 30-May-19 09:11:22

Cats are their own little people, but you do have to watch out to not 'steal' the cat.

In my last house a neighbour up the street had a cat that always came to us. We didn't feed it, but it would forever try to come into our house and, if a door was open, would just come in. I still remember hearing a noise upstairs to find the cat had climbed in the bedroom window and was curled up on my bed. I would have loved to steal the cat and adopt it, but she was not mine.

However, a friend had a family cat that went missing. He would go out and wander and was very elderly and had health conditions, but he did not come home. After a month of searching, posters, contacting RSPCA, vets etc they accepted that he must have passed away somewhere. Eventually found out that a few of the neighbours had taken to feeding him so he kept going to them, one thought he was a stray and gave it to a 'rescue lady' who had him checked out, found he was old and unwell and made the decision to have him put down. He was microchipped, but my friend, when she eventually found out what happened, was told they 'could not find it'.

Fabellini Thu 30-May-19 09:38:55

We had a similar thing about 20 years ago. We had a much loved, well cared for cat who liked to go off out at night..
He stopped appearing home so regularly, but when we went out looking for him, and shaking the box of go-cat biscuits he would always appear. We lived in quite a built up new estate at the time and figured out quite quickly that someone must be feeding him, he wasn’t lost.
Anyway, he disappeared...we went out hunting for him, night after night, but no sign.
After about 6 weeks I got a phone call from a woman who said she had him, and had taken him to the vet because he was so neglected and ill.
I phoned the vet (not our one), and was told by a v snippy woman that our cat was quite poorly.
I collected him and took him to our own vet who tried to save him, but he died during an operation.
Vet told us if he’d been brought in sooner they’d have been able to treat him quite successfully. He didn’t blame us at all when I explained and had been our vet for about 10 years by this point so knew we were responsible owners.
I found out later that this woman had kept our cat inside the whole time he was missing, neighbours had seen him sitting at the windowsill many times but didn’t realise it was our cat.
She knew how to contact us the whole time, had our number from his collar, but didn’t get in touch until she faced having to pay a vet bill or explain how she’d come to have him to her vet (he was microchipped and our details were up to date), so that’s when she’d phoned me.
Still gives me rage now when I think about it. Slightly different in that op doesn’t seem completely deranged like our neighbour, but reminded me about our poor old boy.

strawberrypenguin Thu 30-May-19 20:45:35

Exactly. If vet wasn't concerned that cat was in poor condition then it's clearly being looked after by its owners.
To be in good health a big cat would need more than the extra you've been feeding it.

claraschu Wed 12-Jun-19 13:40:07

The stories from other people whose pets have been more or less stolen are not relevant here.

The OP put a paper collar on the cat, followed up with the vet, etc. The cat's family seem less than caring about the cat. If I got a phone call I would have been over within a few minutes, very concerned about lots of mats in the fur, thanked the OP profusely, and asked her to call again if the cat was hanging around a lot, or made it clear that even though the cat was hanging around with the OP he had a loving home he also returned to every day.

pinlot5 Sun 27-Oct-19 07:02:26

All sounds so cute to you but sounds like Worms. Cat intelligently trying to reach out to someone who may help! Eg. you said "skinny". Cats are desperate if have unattended Worms as worms are leaching them of Iron particularly. Worms are life threatening if left Unchecked. Can you slip your hand in your pocket & buy an All wormer? A Drontal tab. from a vet isn't much. Maybe you could take cat to vet for them to administer tablet if you can't. Or Profender spot- on is for worms. Or little bits of tablet at a time, crushed well in tspn water & mixed with canned catfood is a way to give.

Soubriquet Sun 27-Oct-19 07:19:16

Do not medicate the cat!!!!

You don’t know if she is on any medications or when she was recently wormed.

You could potentially make her very ill or even kill her.

You do need to contact the owners and find out what they want you to do. Are they happy with you feeding her or would they prefer you to be a hard arse.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin Sun 27-Oct-19 07:29:21

If the original owners didn’t want their cat to go round and stay with other people then they should have kept her indoors.

If an animal is let out to wander out then it’s basically a stray.

Soubriquet Sun 27-Oct-19 07:38:34

What a load of tosh!!

Cats have the legal right to roam.

My cat was an outdoor cat but she was very well loved and looked after.

She is currently an indoor cat at the moment as she doesn’t wish to go outdoors but if she wanted to, she could.

Still doesn’t stop her being my cat and not a stray

ChardonnaysDistantCousin Sun 27-Oct-19 07:44:51

Whatever, if you want an animal safe and the environment safe from your animal then you keep it under control at all times, and with a cat that’s to keep them in where they cannot harass other people and kill birds and animals.

Legal right to roam, what utter tosh, to use a PPs words.

RickOShay Sun 27-Oct-19 07:47:22

I would have done the same as you @Uchijjang.
I would contact the owners and explain the situation. I really hope everything works out for you.

Ilovetolurk Sun 27-Oct-19 07:54:55

keep them in where they cannot harass other people

I’m enjoying the thought of a targeted one cat Maine Coon harassment campaign against OP I must say

DonPablo Sun 27-Oct-19 08:00:41

This thread was started 5 months ago. I wonder what happened?

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