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New puppy ..... a mistake ?

(33 Posts)
Riley16 Sun 24-Feb-19 15:08:32

Hi, we have had our 12 week old puppy for 2 weeks & I am crumbling ... it's just me and my 11 year old dd. She has been mithering for years for a puppy but I always said not till she was old enough to take on some of the responsibility.... I did tons of research ( or so I thought) but nothing could have prepared me for how difficult it would be or how I would feel. I am utterly miserable, my dd is hardly bothering with him at all, I have to pester her to take pup in garden, to feed him even to play with him. He is doing a little better at night so at least I'm getting approx 5 hrs sleep now, but he cries, barks & howls if we put him in crate during the day. I've followed all advice make it a safe place, put him in for 30 secs then 1 minute etc etc. I just feel so trapped we've been stuck in apart from a few visits to parents. Even sitting with dd at bedtime while she reads we have background noise of pup crying cos we're out of sight. I have to go back to work in a few days... I'm dreading it and just feel so lost.

adaline Sun 24-Feb-19 21:11:11

That's reality with a puppy unfortunately. What are you planning on doing when you go back to work? You can't leave a 12 week old puppy home alone all day!

Riley16 Sun 24-Feb-19 22:47:25

I have no intention of doing .. on the days I can't work from home my dad will be coming to my house.

GreenTulips Sun 24-Feb-19 22:49:59

If you turkey feel it’s been a mistake by al means give the pup to a loving home

It’s better to own up to a mistake then continue as you are

GreenTulips Sun 24-Feb-19 22:50:55

Truely not turkey

SnapesGreasyHair Sun 24-Feb-19 22:55:43

Agree with PP. The fact that you've only had the puppy 2 weeks and your DD isn't interested even at this new and exciting stage would want me to rehome as she has no intention of taking care of it

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo Sun 24-Feb-19 22:57:10

Did you ever want a dog OP? If you didn’t then yes you have made a massive mistake, it pretty much goes without saying that an 11 year old wil only be interested in the fun stuff and even then as your child has demonstrated, only for about 5 minutes. I think you need to contact the breeder and I’m praying you got the puppy from a responsible breeder and not gumtree and see if they will take the puppy back, if it was not from a responsible breeder then maybe worth calling the dogs trust for advice on re homing, please put the welfare of your puppy first and re home them properly.

Fairylea Sun 24-Feb-19 22:57:55

Where did you get the puppy from? Can you return it to the breeder?

adaline Mon 25-Feb-19 07:29:53

And yes, never get a dog for a child! Like all pets the novelty wears off quickly and dogs, especially puppies, are a lot of work. If you can't cope with the demands of it then by all means rehome while the pup is young enough not to be too effected by it.

OnlineAlienator Mon 25-Feb-19 07:32:26

Return to breeder NOW while its young and cute and has a chance

OnlyToWin Mon 25-Feb-19 07:37:21

It was lots of work at first and it does get easier. The more work you put in now the easier it becomes later.

I would be stricter about dd helping out though. Give specific jobs and be firm about them being done. I used to expect kids to supervise puppy whilst I showered for example and insisted they did.

As for the crying - I kind of viewed it like a baby crying, sometimes you just have to get stuff done and as long as it is for minutes not hours and your pup gets lots of attention the rest of the time then just ignore and get done what you need to.

Two weeks in is the hardest part and we did not have an issue with nights so got plenty of sleep.

OnlyToWin Mon 25-Feb-19 07:38:27

In our case it was me that really wanted the puppy so I did accept that I took on the lion’s share of the work.

Panicmode1 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:42:27

Puppies are HUGELY HARD WORK. What were you expecting?! You have to want the dog - as someone else said, my children wanted a dog and pestered and pestered, but I was under no illusion that the work would be down to me.

The first few weeks are very tough, but it will get better if you persevere, and put the work in with socialising, training and all of the cleaning up and sorting out the mess and chaos that they bring! But, you have to want to. If you don't think that you do, and you haven't got the time, then return the dog to the breeder so they can rehome it quickly.

Shmithecat2 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:44:17

Yeah, you don't get a pet because your kids want one.... you get one because you, as the adult, want one. I also HATE crates for dogs. They're not necessary. I would also suggest you contact the breeder and see if you can return the puppy sooner rather than later so it can find a more suited forever home. That is assuming that you got it from a reputable, responsible breeder, not bloody gum tree/pets4homes etc..

DerbyRacer Mon 25-Feb-19 07:54:04

It will get easier. My mum got a puppy four years ago and I was really worried about how much work it was for my mum. But the dog has been the best thing for my mum. She is a great dog for my mum to have around. I think you just need to accept that you will be doing all the hard work. It will be worth it.

Riley16 Mon 25-Feb-19 09:59:23

I got the puppy from a KC assured breeder and travelled over 100 miles for him, this wasn't done on a whim. The decision was made for our family not just my dd,but waited till she a little older as mentioned in op not for her to take complete care of it but to help. We had a chat last night and drew up a list of her "jobs" Thanks for the encouraging replies, good to know others found it difficult too, maybe it didn't come across in op bit I'm not afraid of hard work it's the emotions I'm struggling with, feeling lost, im not doing anything right, etc.
So many replies telling me to return him ... "to a more suited forever home "... feel even more hopeless !

LaurieFairyCake Mon 25-Feb-19 10:04:47

You have to read the puppy threads on here, there's so much great advice

I found our puppy tremendously hard work, harder than any stage of having children! I literally stared at the dog for months trying to anticipate what she needed. Toilet training took eons (normal for a terrier), she woke me every night in her crate next to the bed for a wee at 3am - and then she was up for the day at 6. I bought every training puzzle knows to man, took her to puppy training. I can honestly say our lives revolved round the dog for about six months.

And even though I KNEW this I was still blindsided.

It was of course completely worth it and my dog is perfectly behaved in every way. She's almost 3 and an utter joy every moment.

ATrainSeat Mon 25-Feb-19 10:10:16

Getting a puppy is really really hard and lots of people I know (including me) have felt like this. I’d say two weeks in, it’s nearly at its worst point, as puppy is confident, but still too young to go out in walks to get rid of some of the energy.

If you have Facebook, have a look at a group called Canine Enrichment. It’ll give you some ideas for keeping puppy entertained in a way that uses his brain and tires him out. Some little ideas -
A few biscuits in an empty lemonade bottle or similar with the lid off. Puppy can bat it around to get them out.
Google ‘licky mat’ on amazon and it brings up a mat thing you can put some wet food on and that entertains them for ages.
Also if you’ve not already, get a Kong cause they’re brilliant for keeping them entertained.

When you need to go upstairs and read, trying giving puppy a Kong or carrot or similar to keep it entertained for a while.

Also, until you’ve got the jabs sorted, take puppy out in your arms to get it used to the sounds etc of the world. Get your daughter to make him a little play area of different things to walk through/under eg a paddling pool with a few balls in, a clothes maiden with some towels hanging from it, a pile of cushions, a wooden plank. This is great for confidence and can be done in your front room.

It DOES get easier. A friend of mine has had dogs for years and she told me the other day that she’s terrified that she’ll make a mistake on her new one and she’s forgotten what to do! So many people feel like you but it does get better. If you search ‘anyone fancy a puppy survival thread’ on here and find the first one, it’ll give you a good read in terms of other people having very similar issues and feelings.

JonestheRemail Mon 25-Feb-19 10:13:35

Puppies are hard work and puppy regret is a real thing even for experienced owners, but at two weeks you are still in the settling down stage. It will get better, but when they are young it seems as if all you do is mop up pools of wee.

Your pup is still getting used to its new home which is why it is so anxious at the moment and being left in its crate probably makes it afraid of being abandoned, like a baby. Just carry on doing what you are doing, gentle training, short periods of play, lots of cuddles, a few treats in the crate every time you crate your dog. Try and remain relaxed around it, anxious stressed owners make for anxious stressed dogs.

Once all the vaccinations are complete and you can go on walks things also tend to take a turn for the better.

By the time your pup is a few months old it will know what you want and life will be much easier. Then will come the moment when you realise you would not be without it!

Riley16 Mon 25-Feb-19 10:16:06

Thank you so much ... Thats exactly how I feel "blindsided" I've contacted local puppy training but there is a 10 week waiting list so ive sent a couple of enquiries to trainers that come to your home.

Riley16 Mon 25-Feb-19 10:18:10

Thank you so much

Riley16 Mon 25-Feb-19 10:18:50

For the encouragement & for the great ideas

LaurieFairyCake Mon 25-Feb-19 10:24:53

Can we be rewarded with a cute pic so we can all ooh and aah grin

Grinchly Mon 25-Feb-19 10:50:22

I have the perfect solution. Re home the child ( ungrateful beast!) and concentrate on the puppy. Much cheaper and less stressful in the long term. Plan ahead. grin

OnlyToWin Mon 25-Feb-19 15:11:19

Really pleased you are feeling better OP. Echo other posters saying a puppy is hard work. If someone had come and taken mine away in the first two weeks I had him I feel like I would have been okay with it. Now they would have to wrench him from my cold, dead hands!!grin The overwhelming feelings are so similar to having a newborn it really took me back!!

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