Thank you all for your supportive messages, it helps knowing that i am not on my own in haing such feeling for a pet. In answer to tropicana, yes, i ordered a pendant straight after the cremation, it's a little golden heart with my cat's name engraved on it and some oh his ashes. I have it on a chain with another heart pendant with a picture of him. I also have an older pendant which broke and i couldn't hang in anymore, it contains a photo of my cat, a bit of fur and a whisker. At home i have a jewellwry box containing his fur, whiskers, claws that he started to lose when he stopped climbing trees, i didn't even know such a thing happened, it was like the new claws were pushing the old ones out. I carry his name tag with my home keys. My cat was not my choice to have. My partner at the time suggested we took in one of the kittens from next door neighbours, i think it was his way of making public relations. But i was always the one looking after the cat. I saw when he was just half hour old and came to live with us when he was 2 months old. He always slept with me, always shared food on the table with me. When the relationship ended, without even thinking about it, it was obvious he was coming with me. he's been a great comfort during my many periods with depression, sadness, suicidal thoughts, unhappiness. I used to apologise to my cat for not having a fun mummy but we did have fun, especially when he was a kitten. His favorite game was me pretending to chase him...In all my life i have never ever had such a fulfilling relationship. We had our language, we "talked". He'd "call" and i'd say "yes?". Many years ago i looked into volunteering at an animal home but then changed my mind because i didn't want my cat smell other animals on me and feel cheated on. I always said that, after his passing, i would work with animals, even volunteering. I felt it would have the safest way for me to feel the love of an animal but without the responsabilties that would break my heart again one day. Having said that, it might happen anyway. I am the kind of person of cannot read about animals in distress. But not yet, i'm not ready. I might never be. Being with another cat, or cats, it would only make me miss mine more. The one that comes around is ok to try and befriend, it's only food so that he knows i'm here but also because he/she used to know my cat....