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Its time to put the familys dog to sleep, but my mother doesn't want to

(10 Posts)
SMJYellow Wed 18-Oct-17 10:07:29

A dog was brought home many years ago from one of my brothers. He's now gone living abroad.

I live at home with my mother and another brother.

The dog was diagnosed with arthritis last year and needs monthly medications. It was on the backs of me and my mother from day one. My brother living at home never played his way or helped by splitting the costs three ways. My income is low so I do find it a struggle regularly to keep on top of bills. .

A lump started to develop on the dogs belly which grew. We took the dog to the vet. It was the size of a golf ball at that stage. There were some tests carried out. The dog was diagnosed with cancer.

There were some options for us:
Surgery to remove the lump, or
Medication to stall or slow down the cancer, or
The vet also recommended putting the dog to sleep.

We talked at home. We are all in agreement that surgery was out of the question for the dog. She's an older dog with a liver problem too. I think surgery would have been too much for her and not only that costly for us and the dog mightn't even pull through.

I love the dog but for me, at that stage I would have been happy to say goodbye to the dog and put her to sleep.

My mother and brother didn't want that. They wanted to go down the medication route.

The medication route fell through. I was already pushed to my limit financially and in overdraft on my account which I still can't bring into balance. I wasn't going to pick up another bill.
So, my brother cared so much for the dog, the medication was an option but he never wanted to pay.

We were really in limbo for the past few months.

I think it is very much time to put the dog to sleep. Its long past the time but it's a battle I'm having with my mother. My brother is staying out from it.

The dog is in ok form. She sleeps a lot. The lump is getting bigger and it's now the size of a deflated football. I can also see now, the lump is tripping her up due to the location in front of one of her back legs.

Although the dog is in good form, I think it's time to put her to sleep.

Her breed of dog lives to be on average 12 to 14 years. She is now 13 years. So she is a good age.

I think it is time to put her to sleep but
My mam doesn't want to go down this route at all. Mam came to me recently and said we need to do something about that lump. Maybe the vet can help. How about we look into the medication route. I think the time has passed to go down the medicine route. The medicine route is something I'm not willing or able to pick up on now, so she's talking to the wrong person. If she still wants the medicine route, she need to start getting my brother to chip in.

I'm coming up against a brick wall here.

SMJYellow Wed 18-Oct-17 14:34:38

I met a new battle this morning with my mother.

What I wrote above all still stands.

The new battle is the dog's sleeping area. We have the dog a little bit over 12 years.

When we got her, we had a kennel but she didn't take to that. Then we brought the kennel inside to the hall she slept there for a good while. Eventually she took a place on the couch in the sitting room. Then she had her pick of bedrooms to choose from for many years. She slept in my room for a long time and she got sore last year, before her arthritis diagnose, her bed was moved to the hall. She slept well there but it wasn't ideal and she was moved into the sitting room. We weren't using the sitting room much anyways.

Anyways, we have visitors coming for the Christmas and we need the sitting room back and a major clean up has to happen in the house.

I think, the best thing to do is putting her to sleep but that's a losing battle I have but while we still have her, I think the best thing to do is to clear an area in the hall for the dog. My mother doesn't want this because the dog does smell and my mam doesn't want to take people in the front door to be greeted with a dog smell. We need our sitting room back too so the dog does have to leave the room.

The dog didn't always smell by the way.

My mothers suggestion is to get a shed.

I cannot see how this is going to help and this is what I've told her. We don't have a few thousand lying about for such an expense and then we would have to get the shed hooked up to electricity to warm the place too if the dog is to sleep there. I cannot for the life of me see how we will get around to doing that job too all before December. Realistically, if we do go down the route of the shed, I don't see how we will get around to installing electricity in the shed on time and the dog then will be sleeping in a cold shed.

Not only that - how about day time? Will the dog be allowed in the house during the day or will she be banned from the house and a shed is her new house.

Most importantly, the dog has been an inside dog, surrounded by humans for the guts of 11 years. The dog had the run of the house too for day time too. She is never going to settle in a shed. Then my mother is going to have the problem of having a new shed smelling like dog and she's not going to like that either. Where does the dog go then?

I'm running up against another brick wall here.

The dog is reaching the end of her life and I don't understand how my mother is refusing to let her go.

WhyDidIEatThat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:39:29

What does the vet advise? Is the medication something PDSA could help with?

WhyDidIEatThat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:53:15

Did they say they couldn’t remove the lump because the dog wouldn’t survive a general anaesthetic or did I misunderstand something?

SMJYellow Wed 18-Oct-17 15:23:22


At the time of the cancer testing, testing on the liver was also carried out. The results came back with a cancer diagnosis of sarcoma and the results of the liver testing showed a poor liver.

The vet explained that there were further tests that can be done to examine the function of the liver and whether it would handle a general anesthetic.

The vet explained our options in relation to the cancer.
Surgery or medication.
The vet also did say to me in the kindest way possible that the dog is a good age for her breed and sometimes the best thing to do is to let them go.
I was in agreement with the vet there and I was at peace with taking that route but I explained the dog is the families dog and that I will have to talk it through.

We were all in agreement at home, that due to the dogs age, surgery was going to be out so we didn't go for further liver testing.

At the time of the cancer diagnosis, I would have been happy to let the dog go. My mother and brother didn't want that and they were interested in going down the medication route.
That was a bill I wasn't willing or able to pick up so I left it to my mother and brother and of course nothing came of it.

I'm not in the UK so I'm not eligible for any financial supports in relation to vet bills.

Worldsworstcook Sat 04-Nov-17 18:29:08

I think you need to say that on the advice of the vet it's time to let her go. You all love her but she shouldn't be suffering and her pain and suffering is only going to get worse. And after all your very happy years together you don't want that. And she deserves better than to be stuck outside and to end her days in pain.

NoSquirrels Sat 04-Nov-17 21:43:51

I think you should tell your mother that you'll take her back to the vet, to get advice on medication.

Then at that appointment, I would have a very frank discussion with the vet about everything you've said here.

Then I would call your mum with the sad news that the vet says the only option is PTS.

You cannot make a 13 year old dog sleep outside. A sick, unmedicated 13 year old dog. The kindest thing here is PTS. I love dogs, but it sounds as if you have no money or decent options otherwise.

SMJYellow Sun 05-Nov-17 15:16:34

Finally, my mother has come around to the idea that it's time to put the old dog to sleep.

If it was up to me, I'd do it next weekend but we'll be planning the procedure of putting the dog to sleep and getting her cremated for a date in December. We are waiting for family to come home from Australia and that's the only delay. The dog is dead now too.

SMJYellow Sun 05-Nov-17 15:17:58

Sorry, that should read deaf above. She's dead now too.

SMJYellow Sun 05-Nov-17 15:18:33


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