Lost my cat, don't know what to do with myself.(2 Posts)
Hi all. I wanted to write this as I am struggling with my sadness, and need some kind of relief. I'm sorry in advance if this is upsetting.
In 2013, I adopted a gorgeous Tortoiseshell and White cat. She had lovely big green eyes and I immediately bonded with her. Her previous owner was eager to pass her on as he couldn't deal with her crying. She was bereft of a cat she previously lived with. She was thought to be about 6/7 when she came to me.
She had a happy life. She didn't like my children at first, as she was not used to them, but she eventually warmed up to my eldest, and became a loved member of our family.
Fast forward to about two weeks ago. She started refusing her dry food. We thought that she had gone off that particular type, so started giving her wet food until we could get another brand of dry. Gradually, she stopped eating that too. Knowing that something might be wrong, we tried stimulating her appetite with fresh bits of turkey and things like that. Initially she ate very small pieces, but then she refused everything we tried.
Whilst all this was going on, we booked her in to the vets to find out what we were dealing with. After a few scheduling hiccups, she was seen on Wednesday last week. The vet checked her over, and advised that her symptoms were either thyroid or kidney related, but they seemed to be leaning towards the kidneys. She had enlarged kidneys on examination, and had also been drinking a lot of water and urinating a lot at home. They took a blood sample from her, and we were advised to wait at home for the results.
On Saturday, her condition dramatically changed. By now she had completely stopped eating, her eyes were weeping and sunken, she had lost lots of weight, and most heartbreaking of all, she could barely walk without falling. Her breathing seemed to be laboured, and she just wanted to lay on her side on the floor. As harsh as it may sound, I was convinced she was about to die, so I stayed up for a while that night, and eventually fell asleep as nothing happened.
Yesterday morning came, she was still with us, but she looked even sicker than the day before. My husband and I had agreed by this point that we should have her put to sleep, so I booked her in. I held her on my lap before she went to the vet, and had my heart broken again as she had tried to jump off my lap and just crumpled on the floor. I knew she had had enough. I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her, and she was put to sleep yesterday afternoon.
Her blood test results had just come in yesterday morning, she had 95% kidney failure. More shockingly, a tumour had been discovered in her abdomen whilst she was examined.
As much as I feel I did the right thing by ending her suffering, I feel so guilty that I did not realise she was really ill until far too late. I can't bear to look at any of her things. I have cried lots and I am finding it particularly hard being at home with just my 18 month old ds.
This is the first time I have lost a pet in such a traumatic way, and I'm feeling a bit lost myself.
Hoping it does get easier, as walking in to the room where she should be really isn't right now
So sorry for you loss ChiaraMetal. It is such an awful time when we lose our lovely pets. I understand that you're feeling sad and questioning yourself. Don't do that. Your little friend had a lovely life with you & your family and she knows that you did your very best for her. You took care of her and helped her get through the end of her life.
You're grieving now and you'll have some very emotional times, but eventually you'll be able to think of her without crying, then talk about her without crying, then look at photos of her and remember the lovely life you shared with her.
Maybe when you're all feeling better, you could adopt another little tortie? They are gorgeous cats. You can neve4 have too many.
Look after yourself and don't feel guilty.
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