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Regretting getting a dog

(54 Posts)
daisyw302 Wed 18-May-16 07:12:14

So we've talked for a long time as a family about getting a dog and rehomed a dog a few days ago but I really regret it. He's so lovely and gentle but very demanding and i just don't think I realised what I was getting myself into. I'm home on my own for 12-18 hours a day with a 1 year old while my partner is at work which is hard being so lonely which I thought a dog would help fix but it's just putting more strain and stress on me. My partner loves her so will be gutted if she goes back but he's not home on his own all day with them. Anyone else had this? Thanks

brassywind Wed 18-May-16 07:16:09

How old is the dog? If it's still young they can be very demanding chew monsters between 6 and 9 months old.

Does the dog have it's own space - a crate or a run? What are you finding most hard about having a dog?

gingerbreadmanm Wed 18-May-16 07:19:12

Oh gosh. We got a puppy. I cried A LOT completely regretted it and wished we hadn't done it.

I had just had a stillborn and everyone thought it me having something to care for but at first i really resented him.

Now he really is a part of the family probably too much and i completely love him. They are very demanding at first but soon settle down.

I would say about three months down the line you will probably wonder how you ever felt like this.

The only warning i would give is don't baby them too much. Ours has become such a big part of the family i wont even go abroad on holiday this year as he is not a 'kennel' dog. Too used to sitting on sofa having cuddles being talked to getting his toys out going in his ball pool and so on and so on blush

SavoyCabbage Wed 18-May-16 07:19:56

We got a rescue dog at Easter so I do know how you are feeling right now. We'd never had a dog before.

The first few weeks were quite difficult, adjusting to all if the changes. She barked at every noise she heard and the dd couldn't sit down without her throwing herself on them.

She calmed down though and starting dog training classes really made a difference as we had no idea what we were doing.

We got a baby gate so that I can leave her in one part of the house when I go out.

LineyReborn Wed 18-May-16 07:20:15

If your partner is only home to sleep, and you have a 1 year old, this wasn't the right time to give a home to a dog, no.

You need to talk. All of you - including whoever thought this could work at the dog rehoming centre / organisation.

MrsJayy Wed 18-May-16 07:20:29

They are hard work you have only had it a few days dog is insecure doesnt know you yet let it settle down and then you can start setting boundry, in what way do you mean demanding

daisyw302 Wed 18-May-16 07:29:56

We got the dog from someone on gumtree. For the dog, demanding as in won't leave my side and is very naughty, which I completely understand as its a completely new environment and people ect. But my child is a very very demanding baby, she won't even let me put her down to wash my hands sometimes, she has always been demanding and very clingy, which I don't mind to be honest I know it might cause issues later but I know she's happy, so having two demanding babies in this house is just chaos. My daughter doesn't really like the dog as she jumps up a lot and scratches her so she screams and is quite scared of him. I'm just having an anxiety attack atm because I feel like I can't cope. I have an anxiety disorder anyway and germs have never really bothered me but I'm constantly wiping my baby's hands and face if the dog goes near her, I just feel like I've made a huge mistake and I don't know what to do. I can't imagine having him for another month or two. Also I'm at home without a car so that doesn't help either

Costacoffeeplease Wed 18-May-16 07:32:54

I don't know why you thought this was a good idea - and getting a dog from gumtree??

Contact a responsible rescue place today

MrsJayy Wed 18-May-16 07:37:35

You didnt reallythink this through did you clingy baby and clingy dog and off gumtree <sigh> what are you going to do ?

TantrumsAndBalloons Wed 18-May-16 07:38:59

The thing is, most decent dog owners wouldn't dream of putting their dog on Gumtree

The ones that do- well chances are they wouldn't be entirely honest as to the reason they wanted to rehome the dog.

A reputable rescue would have gone through a lot of checks with you, including a home visit, and would more than likely have discussed with you why getting a dog right now is not a good idea.

How old is the dog and what breed?
He shouldn't be jumping up and scratching the baby and tbh I think you have a fair amount of work ahead of you, which given the circumstances seems pretty difficult

Lumpylumperson Wed 18-May-16 07:40:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Veterinari Wed 18-May-16 07:41:15

flowers OP it sounds as if if this was a slightly ambitious idea considering you're a sahm with anxiety and a 1 year old.

Unfortunately this is also one of the (many) reasons veterinary and other professional organisations recommend getting a dog from a reputable rescue or breeder - from something like gumtree you have no real idea of the dog's character and may not be able to return it.

Having said that, it doesn't sound from what you've described as if your dog's behaviour is particularly challenging. Thinking from the dog's perspective he's in a strange place with new people and is desperate to establish relationships. The sooner you can do this the less needy and more secure he will become. He's only been with you a few days - how were you expecting him to behave? What do you want from having a dog?

In terms of preparation for your new dog, what did you do/buy/read? Have you researched training classes? What local walks are accessible? Getting you all out and about may help.

I think you need to speak to your DH - could he take a few days off until you get settled into a routine?

averylongtimeago Wed 18-May-16 07:44:38

No wonder you feel overwhelmed.
The thing is, dogs don't come ready trained, you have to do it and it sounds like the one you have hasn't been. You won't find a good owner getting rid of a dog on gumtree either, so add to this the poor dog is feeling stressed and worried = bad behaviour.

Are you able to walk the dog? I used to enjoy a walk with my dogs and the buggy. It would help the dog settle and help you get to know him.
But what you need most are training classes. Is there any way you could manage this?

brassywind Wed 18-May-16 07:46:07

Get a baby gate if the dog won't leave your side .... although you may already have one. When my son was born the dog spent a lot or time behind his gate in the kitchen.

But it sounds like you and DP need to have a serious talk. Your dog probably needs some decent obedience training. You can't shoulder it all by yourself

daisyw302 Wed 18-May-16 07:54:39

Well that's the thing if my partner could take some time off and we all settle in together that would be fine but we hardly see him so I feel like a single parent anyway and now with a dog it's just way too much. His work is too demanding and unpredictable for him to take any time off. I wouldn't be able to get to any dog classes as the nearest one is about an hours walk there and an hour back and I'd have to take my daughter there in the pushchair and it's not very fair on here when she's scared of him anyway, she doesn't even want to sit on the floor with him here because he's straight over scratching at her face and no matter how many times I say no or push him away he comes straight back. He also tried to kill our cat yesterday and we were told he's lived with multiple cats since he was a puppy and they've never bothered him

Dontyouopenthattrapdoor Wed 18-May-16 07:56:53

Ah OP. Like people have said it doesn't sound like it was the right time for you but, if you are willing to persevere here are my thoughts:

1. Is there a room/zone the dog can be confined to when you need to? We use our dining room and also our (very large) cupboard under the stairs with comfy beds in and a stair gate on the front if we need to zone the dogs- they often chose it as their den now.

2. Get a Kong and fill it with treats, it will amuse him for hours getting them out.

When you've time, when your baby sleeps etc, concentrate then on building your relationship with him, ball throwing in the garden, cuddles etc.

Are you managing to walk him? Dogs and buggies are tricky at first if you don't have a car. Keep him on a short lead till you get to the park and just stop for a Sec if you're feeling overwhelmed. But do make sure you get out each day, for his sake and yours.

I hope you can persevere. What sort of dog is he and how old?

Dontyouopenthattrapdoor Wed 18-May-16 07:57:35

He tried to kill your cat?

daisyw302 Wed 18-May-16 07:59:14

He's supposed to be 5 months old but I think he's at least a year, and he's a staff cross

TantrumsAndBalloons Wed 18-May-16 08:00:15

The very first thing I would do is get stair gates and a crate.

I don't know if your dog has been crate trained- probably not to be honest but definitely baby gates.

Seperate baby and dog. So have dog in the kitchen behind a gate whilst baby is on the floor.

Are you able to get out for longer walks with the dog?

Also, a lot of training classes are at the weekend- can you do these together?

You are going to need to train the dog for this to work

Veterinari Wed 18-May-16 08:00:37

OP what were your expectations of getting a dog? How did you plan on juggling the time and attention it would need with the time your daughter needs? How did you plan to train and exercise it?

You say that you have discussed getting a dog for a long time, what research did you do and what breed did you decide on? I know I'm asking a lot of questions but the behaviour that you're describing is perfectly normal for a rehomed untrained dog and I'm struggling a bit to understand what your expectations of having a dog are? How were you expecting it to behave?

TantrumsAndBalloons Wed 18-May-16 08:01:42

Ah- staffy puppy's are crazy. Sorry but they are huge overgrown baby's for the 1st 3 years smile

They need a lot of excercise and a whole lot of puppy training classes.

daisyw302 Wed 18-May-16 08:02:51

Well it was all my partners idea, he chose the dog and went and got him so I just kind of went along with it to be honest. My partners not home at the weekends so we can't do classes together, he gets home at about 9 and we're up for an hour and go to bed.

SuburbanRhonda Wed 18-May-16 08:04:31

Jesus Christ, OP - contact the RSPCA now and get the dog rehomed.

You're not ready for a dog in your current set up. Everyone seems unhappy with this arrangement.

NedStarksHead Wed 18-May-16 08:05:13

Poor, poor dog.
He is still young yet, how exactly did he try to 'kill your cat'?

Sorry, but, what did you expect? Dogs are much like kids. Demanding, need exercise and require love and patience - seems like you have neither of these for the dog.

Do you walk him? They need exercise, he could be so demanding because you aren't walking him enough...

If you do decide you no longer want the poor thing, contact a rescue don't flog him off on Gumtree again.

DreamingofItaly Wed 18-May-16 08:06:01

OP, sounds like you're in a pickle. Puppies/dogs are a challenge even when you know what you're getting yourself in to.

Sounds like you didn't entirely think it through, but it's done now so you need to make a decision. Keep the dog or contact a rescue to rehome responsibly. You say DH adores him but he's never there so it's kind of irrelevant.

You need to talk to DH. Either he takes some time off (even the most demanding of jobs should allow holiday, it's needed for your sanity!!) to see what it's really like and help you adjust, you persevere or you rehome.

Good luck OP. If you can persevere, get a crate/separate the dog off as PP have said and I'm sure, in time, pooch will be amazing.

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