puppy and baby, is it possible to survive? advice welcome (be gentle)

[3luckystars]

Before I get completely annihilated, please hear me out. I know if I read that title, I would say no no no, but if you think there is a glimmer of hope this might work I would like to try.....

Our daughter has been begging us for a dog for 3 years. After careful consideration and months of research we found a lovely breeder and put a deposit down earlier this year. We are hoping to pick up the puppy Christmas week because we are all off for 3 weeks then. It will not be from Santa, its a new family member.
Anyway, I just found out I am pregnant. (yay) This is such fantastic news, we are absolutely delighted.
I know puppies are an absolute nightmare, they wreck everything and a very stressful, I know I should cancel the puppy and wait for a few more years to get a dog, however I really don't want to do that to my daughter.
She is such a good child and the only thing she has ever wanted was a dog, even my dad says he has never met a child so in love with dogs. She spends all day drawing them, she only wears dog clothes and pyjamas and she really has a great way with them. She has a very minor heart issue and I realised earlier this year, if anything happened that little girl, she would have spent her entire little life begging for something we could have easily given her. So we decided to go for it. We are ready.

Or we were ready, the pregnancy definitely changes things.
Although i have had two miscarriages this year and although I feel this pregnancy is going to be ok, there are no guarantees.
Also I think the puppy would keep me so occupied and stressed then I would not be worrying about the pregnancy. (rose tinted glasses here)

So the timing would be, puppy at Christmas time at 12 weeks old.
Then if we are very lucky, a newborn baby in July when the puppy is 10 months old.

I will take your advice, I will. Also regarding a rescue, I picked this breed because I have experience with them and know they will be a good fit for our family. I can cancel and postpone the dog, the breeder is decent.

Taking all of that into account, do you have any advice for me? Is it possible this situation might work?

[3luckystars]

I meant to say, dh says he is happy either way, that I will be the one at home all day with a baby and a dog! (hopefully)
In an ideal world we would wait a few years but dd asks every day and has even picked out a name for the puppy, I just don't want to let her down but it will be a total nightmare. Its 5 years since I had a newborn so I think I might have forgotten the workload.

[lighteningirl]

Go for it. Other than two waKeful nights teething and two when he was snipped my now 9 month old chi /Jack Russell has been blissfully easy he destroys lots of plastic lids (that I give him) but hasn't trashed anything else. He has lots of toys we rotate between toy box and underfoot and he gets walked everyday. Best decision ever.

[3luckystars]

Thanks so much for the reply, your dog sounds lovely. Any chance of a photo? Would love to see him.

I don't want my daughter to think that the baby stopped her getting her dog, plus who knows how the pregnancy will work out. I think it will be very stressful but i suppose family life is never easy.

i have another 6 weeks to decide so hopefully it will be an was decision by then. Even writing it down has been a grew help. Thanks again.

[tabulahrasa]

10 months old isn't a puppy anyway...I mean it's not an adult dog, but if it's not well on it's way to being trained by then, it never will be (though you might get a bit of teenage testing about that time).

What you will need to do is have an adequate plan in place for keeping a young dog exercised and entertained while you can't, because even with a nice straightforward pregnancy and delivery there'll be a period of time where you're not up to it.

[lighteningirl]

Ddog

[buntingbingo]

Go for it! I couldn't let my dd down in that situation. As long as your prepared for the extra work looking after newborn and dog but that goes for any dog, even if you'd had it for years. I think a young dog is more likely to adapt to a baby and having had it from a pup you will really know it's personality.
I

[BoutrosBoutros]

We got ddog in the November and found out I was pregnant in the January, there's 13 months between them. I think managing baby and dog will be fine - ddog was a bit stressed by it all for a couple of weeks but settled fast and walking the dog with the baby in a sling was easy (much harder with a toddler I find!).

I think the part which will be hardest for you is being pregnant with a puppy - there's such a thing as the 'puppy blues' which you'll find tons of examples of if you search on here. Some puppies are easy to settle but most will cry at night or when left, are extremely needy and take a good few weeks to toilet train entirely. With the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy, especially after your losses it may be a lot more hard than you are bargaining for. Definitely line up a dog walker if you do go for it. And make sure your DH is ready to take a big chunk of the slack if you feel rough or low. Dogs are wonderful but can be exhausting and infuriating too!

[NigelLikesSalad]

When you say experience of the breed have you owned dogs before 3? The only thing I would say is that a young dog is a lot of work and they can be draining at the best of times. We have a 6 month old DS and debated getting another pup (we have a 2 year old cocker). I just don't think I could do it so we've shelved it for now.

The puppy will need training and lots of 1-2-1 attention from you and your husband to ensure it behaves.Your 3 year old may not actually like the puppy when it's around all the time, they bite a lot and play rough, all completely normal but when you have a 3 year old upset because her beloved pup has chewed a favorite toy and you are in the throws of sleep deprivation and just knackered it could get hard. Put that with the necessary daily walking, poops and puked on the floor for you to tread on in the morning etc it could make for very hard work. Doable, yes, enjoyable, potentially not, at least not for a while. Plus a new baby coming into a dogs house can be a tricky one. Some pups stay nippy and excitable for quite some time (10 months is still a puppy) so will need to be kept away from a tiny baby so as both are safe and they can be sneaky about escaping when their house has been invaded by a screaming baby. The other side of it is that a pup may not cope well with a baby.

Just things to think about. It might be lovely but it will be hard work. Just ensure with the breeder that if yiu are unable to cope that the breeder will take the dog back.

[3luckystars]

Thank you all for the helpful replies, dd is 5 and we minded a puppy for a week when she was 3 years old she was far too young then so we were glad that was only a holiday at the time, however it made her want a dog even more! So i can imagine how stressful a young puppy is full time, that's what made me put it off for so long.
I think it would be a lot of extra work, but it would be out of love for dd that i would do it. I really have to weigh it all up. I have a scan in 2weeks so i am hoping it will be an easy decision when the time comes.

Lightning, your dog is absolutely gorgeous! Thank you x

[Wolfiefan]

Could you afford a dog walker if you needed it? Eg if you had a Caesarian?

[3luckystars]

I suppose I could, both our families live nearby so would definitely help. Dh is home a lot during the week, he works shirts hours. My dad would help out, he says he has never seen a child so obsessed with dogs, he says we should get one for her and he would be very level headed. He doesn't know about the pregnancy though!

[3luckystars]

Dh works short shift hours and has a lot of time off.

[CMOTDibbler]

I have to say I wouldn't. Puppies are mentally and physically exhausting at the best of times. And your dd is going to have a lot of adapting to do with a new sibling, so finding that dog ownership isn't the same as her dream at the same time will be a lot to deal with.

[Annarose2014]

What breed is it?

We had to rehome our JRT after our baby was born. It was horrendous. Even though we knew he'd be happier in his new (childfree) home, the guilt was crippling.

But all our hopes for the two of them co-existing were dashed. Basically his orey drive kicked in and he went for the baby on a couple of occasions. This despite all our research and all our training.

It might turn out different for you. But be aware that sometimes it just doesn't work out.

[Annarose2014]

*prey

[Annarose2014]

Oh and I have to add: our dog needed 2 walks a day. We had a dog walker during the day when DH was at work but tbh he was still bouncing off the walls by early evening and we'd invariably have to walk him again.

Looking back, the amount of work he added to us was insane. You couldn't just put him out in the back garden (would bark and bark) so he was inside needing loads of stimulation. Christ it was hard.

[3luckystars]

Thank you so much, you have real life experience of it so that is very helpful and honest. Its a havanese dog. They are absolutely lovely and a pleasure to be around but I might get resentful if I have to go walking all the time while exhausted.
I will see how the scan goes before I cancel, if the worst happens I might be very glad of the distraction.

[Tillytoes14]

I would say go for it. We have cats and have fostered rescue cats and my children adore and respect animals completely. It's also good for children to learn to love something different, other than people. I understand puppies are a lot harder work than cats, but I'm sure your new puppy will fit into your family life quite well. Also forgot to mention if you take on a rescue dog, you'll likely be given rescue back up, should things not work out, also there are many more dogs in rescue desperately needing a home, most breeders profit from breeding dogs.

[BoutrosBoutros]

Tilly I hear what you're saying but I found cats so totally different to having a puppy. Our cats took a couple of days to settle and then took care of themselves (more than j liked - I wanted cuddles!!) but having a puppy was closer to getting a newborn than that!
3 what about signing up to walk dogs at the local shelter with her or trying borrow my doggy for a while? I've just signed ddog up to borrow my doggy and a family with dog-mad girls is going to walk him a couple of times a week as they're trying to decide whether to get a dog of their own. I'm happy for him to be walked/cuddled/played with because DC2 is arriving any minute and I'm struggling to find the time or energy to walk him!

Wishing you best of luck with the scan

[Greyhorses]

I would go for it

I have two large breed dogs and find they start to settle down around the year mark anyway, just put lots of training in at the beginning and you will be fine. I am pregnant and have struggled with the walking but mine are big and powerful and need lots of running.
Be warned, puppies are messy and loud but very rewarding.

For what it's worth I was your daughter when I was younger and got my first dog as a child- I adored him for 15 years and walked him/cared for him every day of his life. He was there for me right up until adulthood. honestly think it was one of the best things my parents ever did for me!

[yummumto3girls]

I say go for it to!! It will never be the right time, choose the breed well, one that doesn't needs loads of exercise and easy to train. It sounds like you have lots of support and husband at home a lot so no reason not to. I got a puppy when DD1 was 3 months old, thought it was the best time, home on maternity leave etc it was hard work but I loved getting out in the evening for a walk after being home all day with baby! Just imagine how happy your DD will be!

[Lozza1990]

I currently have a 6 month old with a puppy, people have also said I'm mad! He is however successfully housetrained and a happy little dog so it's not as hard as you think. Walking my dogs every day is one of the only things that keeps me sane at the moment, being stuck at home. One thing you definitely need is a pen for the puppy so when you are busy with the baby you can pop it in there so they won't be chewing wires/weeing everywhere or God knows what else when your back is turned! I say go for it!

[ShmackAttack]

Another here saying go for it ddog has just turned three and ds is three months behind that they are best pals now
It was bloody hard work though for a time but we have an ace dog walker to tire her out and then she snuggles up with ds and us on the sofa I couldn't imagine the family without the crazy dog

[PruneCat]

My dog (pug) stopped having accidents by 6 months. This leaves a buffer in case your dog takes a bit longer, but it sounds like you won't be coping with puddles and a newborn at the same time. Good luck!

[3luckystars]

Hi I just wanted to update this thread. I am delighted to report that the pregnancy is going well, I am 15 weeks now so the doctor said I can exhale, but I don't know I I ever will!
I cancelled the dog 3 days before Christmas. I rang the breeder and had a good chat with her, she said the most responsible thing to do would be to leave the dog for another few years. She said even with the best will in the world, the dog would be pushed aside when the baby arrives. I cried the whole time, I felt so desperately sorry for my daughter. I didn't want to leave her down.....

But she didn't give a sugar! She is so excited about the baby, she said she didn't mind. She spends all day writing lists of things we need to buy and thinking up names. She is fine. I am so relieved, it would have been really stressful.

Can I thank you all most sincerely for your excellent advice and for being so nice to me, helping me with this decision. Thank you x