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My darling tomcat has been killed. Do I let his sister "say goodbye"?

(21 Posts)
ujjayi Wed 07-Nov-12 13:23:27

I can barely type for tears do please excuse if this doesn't make a lot of sense.

My gorgeous 5 year old tomcat was hit by a car this morning and seemingly died instantly. He was found by my neighbour and we wrapped him in a blanket and have left him in the garage until I take him to the vet later today for cremation.

My dog came out to see what the fuss was about and I let her say goodbye - she sniffed him and laid down by his side.

I am wondering if I need to let my girl cat - his sister - say good bye too. Do cats need that kind of closure? She is usually a quiet hidden away kind of cat but she hasn't left my side all morning and is pacing - very unusual behaviour.

I don't know what to do for the best.

SufferingLampreys Wed 07-Nov-12 13:25:03

Oh goodness
I'm sorry

My instinct would be to say yes but I don't think either way is perfect and you wouldn't be doing wrong whichever you decide

edam Wed 07-Nov-12 13:25:58

Oh, I'm so sorry, you poor thing. You could try showing her the body so at least she has the chance to grasp that he's dead, rather than just disappeared.

YouveCatToBeKittenMe Wed 07-Nov-12 13:27:34

If she hasn't left your side all morning that would suggest she already knows

So sorry about your tomcat

BookFairy Wed 07-Nov-12 13:29:55

How sad for you sad

I wouldn't know what to do. Have you tried posting in The Litter Tray section of Pets? Cat owners tend to hang out there and will have words of wisdom.

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 07-Nov-12 13:32:01

She knows. Her behaviour change has highlighted that.

Has she tried to get to where he is? If not, I wouldn't force her to see him.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. We lost a few cats to cars growing up - it's horrid.

mummyplonk Wed 07-Nov-12 13:32:23

So sorry for you, I agree cats have got a strange sixth sense she probably knows. As our dog was being put down by the vet she flew in through the cat flap ran up to our old dog and snuggled up it was very spooky but also very sweet. So in your position I probably would let her say goodbye. Hope you get lots of cuddles from his sister tonight.

greenhill Wed 07-Nov-12 13:34:17

If your girl cat is displaying unfamiliar behaviour, I think it means that she knows that something is wrong. I'd let her see her brother, so she knows what has happened to him.

So sorry to hear this x

GoodPointBadlyPut Wed 07-Nov-12 13:35:45

So very sorry sad
How touching that your dog lay down by tomcat . I think his sister will already know , or will very soon , as cats have all that telepathic-type communication we can't begin to grasp ... so if they were my cats I don't think I would take her to him - I agree either way is right but wouldn't be surprised if you found her waiting near the garage , if she felt the need o see him .

She will also realise you are distressed & you & she can try to comfort each other . Hope you can rest & look after yourself .

LFCisTarkaDahl Wed 07-Nov-12 13:36:04

Yes, but it will be very sad for you.

I let my 2 cats and dog sniff their dead friend. The dog tried to lick him back to life sad and his 2 best cat friends lay down cuddled up to him and purred for an hour.

They all sat in the garden watching when we buried him. They were all off their food for a day and didn't leave my side.

GoodPointBadlyPut Wed 07-Nov-12 13:39:22

Sorry , reread & saw girl cat is behaving very unusually, maybe best idea after all as others suggest - don't think essential , though . Oh that is so moving about your cat & dog , mummyplonk

ujjayi Wed 07-Nov-12 14:01:24

Thank you all for your kind words and advice.

I have decided to bring him back in the house and just let her do what she needs to do before I take him away.

Oh god, I am so heartbroken and I still have to tell my eldest son who is inseparable from him as he had already left for school.

edam Wed 07-Nov-12 14:34:27

I'm so sorry, it's a horrible thing to happen and very sad for your poor boy, as well as the whole family.

vintageviolets Wed 07-Nov-12 14:39:25

I'm so sorry, it's heartbreaking I know xx

Broodymomma Wed 07-Nov-12 18:32:21

I just had to post to say how sorry I am. My cat was put to sleep on Sunday and I know the pain you will be feeling now. He was my only so not sure about your other cat but my gut says yes let her see her. So very sorry. My thread is underneath this about loosing my cat and one kind soul has posted a beautiful poem it may help you to read. Xxx

Livelongandprosper Wed 07-Nov-12 18:42:58

So sorry, my tomcat was also hit by a car and killed. I was devastated and I feel for you so much I just had to post. It's so painful losing a beloved pet and family member. I think it's a good idea to give his sister the chance to come see him if she wants to.

ujjayi Thu 08-Nov-12 13:43:13

Thanks again everyone. Broodymomma thank you for the poem - it is beautiful.

We went out to buy some yellow tulips today for him but we decided to have them here in the house rather than where he lost his life. The boys felt it was nicer to have them here because they are sunny & smiley - just the way they felt about our boy. Eldest DS has decided he wants to bury rather than have him cremated. When I took him to the vet yesterday they were so kind and told me that we didn't have to make a decision one way or another for a while yet so we'll see how DS feels over the weekend.

My girl is not doing so well. She totally freaked out when I brought him in yesterday and wouldn't go anywhere near him. She is sleeping in his basket and copying his behaviours - they couldn't have been more different so this is really upsetting to see. I think perhaps some Feliway may help to settle her, together with lots of love and fuss.

It's like a physical pain in my chest. I am so angry and sad that I never got a chance to say a proper goodbye, sad for my children who are grieving heavily. I am so angry too that someone hit a cat and left it laying in the roadside like it was nothing. It doesnt help, I know, but I truly am shocked at this.

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 08-Nov-12 13:49:16


i would let her say goodbye.
When my old boy dog died, we laid him in a shawl on the table until the following morning when we could bury him.

as we laid him in the little doggy grave, my son had grabbed hold of my other girl dog (same breed) and was trying to stop her from running up the garden to us....she yowled and yowled and i shouted at him to let her go...(i dont know why he had grabbed her!)
she ran to the grave, jumped in, sniffed my old boyo, then jumped out and was fine after that.....she obviously just needed to say her goodbyes.

i would let your other moggie see him if she wants to.

im sorry you lost him like that. sad

leannewilliams Sun 18-Nov-12 11:47:02

this happend to me to my baby girl bella just got ran down 2 days ago and the person who ran her down knew what they had done but just kept on driveing and it took a good kind hearted woman who stop as she was behide them and seen evething she held up traffic and didnt care and kindly took her to a vet but her beautiful little face took the full inpact and only for my baby being chiped we would never of knowen what happend to her a the vet had to phone me i have her brother jake with me and he ha been very clingy and has such a sad look in his eyes as they were very close and what make it harder is that they looked o much alike i used to get confused between the both sad and i have to pick her body up tomorrow from the vets and take her tobe cremated i jut dont know if i should bring her home 1st and let jake say goodbye but am just scared that it might have a bad inpact on him seeing her lovly face like that as i havent even seen her because both the lady and vet recomended i didnt see her i am so heart broken sad and will miss her kitten like meow and her amazing green eyes sad

leannewilliams Sun 18-Nov-12 12:33:20

also i have 4 children 2 elder boys and 2 younger boys... as the boys dont really understand my girls were heart broken i had just picked them up from after school club as i had been in college all day only to walk threw the door and the phone rang and the vet told me the news wich caught me off gaurd of cause my children were in the same room and thats how they had to find out by me crying on the phone from shock and jake was waiting on the window for me to let him in when i was on the phone its like he knew sad i wish i could find the ba*** because there would be nothing down for him its xmas soon and now we have to cremate are very much loved baby and poor jake keeps butting me all the time so i will kiss his head more than he did b4 sad i dont know whos looking after who him looking after me or me looking after him since i cant stop crying he just comes and cuddles me hes been my little rock and now i feel sick evey time he goes out but he never stays out no longer than 10 mins now agen its like he knows i feel sick when he goes out as its not fair to keep him trap in the house sad x

colditz Sun 18-Nov-12 12:34:23

I am so sorry. My instinct would be to let her have a sniff, to understand what has happened.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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