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Domestic violence services shouldn't stigmatise dads

(142 Posts)
eyeisbloke Tue 01-Sep-15 23:27:54

Hi Mums and Dads,

If anyone would like to sign a petition asking the Royal Borough of Greenwich replace their ‘Dad’s have the strength to change’ poster you can do so here:

Despite numerous complaints and national newspaper coverage the council have defended their choice of words, stating that the campaign is designed to help all family members at risk and that 'whilst women can also be the cause of domestic violence, the majority of incidents are committed by men.'

Such a perception is highly questionable. Research repeatedly shows that women perpetrate physical and emotional abuse at comparable rates to men [1] and that domestic violence is most commonly reciprocal [2].

According to the council's own estimates, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in your Borough will experience domestic abuse. Based on this, is a message suggesting that men accessing their services will likely be perceived as perpetrators is really the most effective away of addressing violence against vulnerable people of either sex?

I hope you can show your support.


AnyFucker Tue 01-Sep-15 23:30:37

nah, think I'll give that a miss

dementedDementor Tue 01-Sep-15 23:36:25

I still remember my dad kicking the shit out of my 4 year old brother so I'll be giving that one a miss too.

NotTodaySatan Tue 01-Sep-15 23:37:44

<<joins AF and demented on the nope bench>>

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours Tue 01-Sep-15 23:40:22

I've met a fair few, controlling, arrogant, abusive men children, not so many women, I have to say.

Women are also more vulnerable than men, in general. They are physically weaker and more likely to have stayed at home with the children, leaving them less financially stable too, so I'll be joining the nope bench also.

FattyNinjaOwl Tue 01-Sep-15 23:45:09

I remember my mum being dragged around the house by her hair. And being trapped in a corner behind a door, having it repeatedly slammed into her. Being grabbed by the throat and pinned against the wall.

By my dad, and again by my (now ex) step-dad.
<plonks fat arse on the nope bench>

jacks365 Tue 01-Sep-15 23:48:01

Any more room on the nope bench

AnyFucker Tue 01-Sep-15 23:49:20

< budges up >

< fetches more benches >

MissFitt68 Tue 01-Sep-15 23:51:24

I'm sure the term 'domestic violence' was replaced with 'domestic abuse'

NotQuiteSoOnEdge Tue 01-Sep-15 23:55:40

Shove up along a bit there, I want to sit down too.

That's the first public thing I've seen that's stood firm against all the 'but women do it too' derailment. I know some do, but it is overwhelmingly men abusing power and control and they need to step up and own it.

Bearsbeets Tue 01-Sep-15 23:58:05

Have we got one of those nice curvy benches? May I?

whattodohatethis Wed 02-Sep-15 00:08:55

I'll also give it a miss.
I remember my dad repeatedly dragging my mum around the house beating hell out of her and her begging me and my sister to go to our rooms so we wouldn't see.
I remember my mum whimpering behind the front door trying to hold it shut as he kicked it in.
I remember my mum begging him not to hurt us and throwing herself in front of his fists to shield us.
I remember him telling her that "one day I won't stop. One day I will kill you you know. Be grateful today isn't that day" as she was crying and trying to stop her face from bleeding.

I don't remember any "reciprocal" action on her part.

dementedDementor Wed 02-Sep-15 00:15:32

flowers for everyone who has been affected by domestic violence and for anyone who is still suffering.

ChristineDePisan Wed 02-Sep-15 00:28:17

This would be the campaign being championed by Fathers4Justice, right?

wrapsuperstar Wed 02-Sep-15 00:31:52

God I love Mumsnet

flowers <settles down on nope bench>

FloraFox Wed 02-Sep-15 00:42:50

flowers one more for the nope bench.

<ponders building nope bleacher>

wreckingball Wed 02-Sep-15 00:48:58

What ^^ they all said.

BigChocFrenzy Wed 02-Sep-15 00:53:28

Statistics show domestic violence is overwhelmingly MALE:
(CPS) 93.4% of those convicted were MALE.

Female victims are far more likely to suffer violence, to suffer more repeated incidents, to suffer worse injury, but are LESS likely than men to report and to wish prosecution.

Also, Home Office statistics for England & Wales show on average per year:
. 100 women killed by past or present male partners
. 10 men also killed by MALE partners
. 20 men killed by female partners

So, 20 female killers for every 110 male killers.

sugar21 Wed 02-Sep-15 01:00:01

Oi Iisbloke
I cannot and categorically will not sign that!
I've had years of DV broken arm ribs fingers several black eyes and been beaten black an blue
So its nope from me
<shuv up ladies I need to sit cos I is woman with steam coming from head>

Oswin Wed 02-Sep-15 01:00:03

Eh? Since when have women been abusers at the same rate as men? I'll be plonking myself down on that no bench too tar.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow Wed 02-Sep-15 01:00:27

Eyeisbloke I understand you because when I look at that poster it is jarring. I feel like yes they are speaking to dads as a group and that makes me feel awful for the overwhelming majority of lovely dads I know who would die before harming their wives or children in that way. They don't deserve to be tarred with this brush.

The problem is, how else are they supposed to present it? Domestic violence is a gendered problem, no matter which way you skew the figures (by ignoring the type, severity and length of violence) and the real object of your ire should be those abusive men who give fathers a bad name rather the makers of the poster who are just trying to reduce violence.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Wed 02-Sep-15 01:02:17

I'll be joining the others on the nope bench too, and not because I think all dads commit dv. But F4J has already been given a very good explanation of this campaign by the Royal Borough of Greenwich.

And no, I'm afraid research does not show that women and men commit comparable levels of dv. That is dodgy stats you're quoting there.

LuisCarol Wed 02-Sep-15 01:06:11

I'm a dad and I will volunteer to organise the flyers and fundraising for Team Nope.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 02-Sep-15 01:21:51

Puts cushion on nope bench before plonking less than well padded arse on it, takes out copy of In Search of Lost Time and cheerfully looks forward to losing some more in a good cause.

eyeisbloke Wed 02-Sep-15 08:04:53

Thanks for the feedback from the nope bench. I respect that personal experience may have a bearing on how people view this issue.

The petition acknowledges that this is a complex and emotive issue and that women are much more often injured or killed as a consequence of intimate partner violence (IPV) [1]

It is not my intention to detract from the terrible experiences of many women up and down the country, quite the opposite in fact.

The purpose of this petition is to request that the Royal Borough of Greenwich promotes a more balanced message that doesn’t demonize a great many loving and hardworking fathers. Men may be more likely to commit violence, it does not follow that all men are violent.

One of the ‘dodgy stats’ I reference is from Greenwich Council’s own website which estimates that 1in 6 men experience abuse.

One of the most comprehensive pieces of research ever undertaken on the subject involved a total of 42 scholars and 70 research assistants at 20 universities in the UK, USA and Canada. Based on a 2 year long analysis of all available research, they estimate that 25% will experience IPV in their lifetime, that there are comparable levels of male and female victims and perpetrators and that people in younger dating populations are at most risk [2].



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