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Help - who do I invite

(19 Posts)
poppyandmax Wed 04-Nov-09 18:34:57

My child started reception in September and her birthday is looming. She is adamant that she wants to invite 25 out of the class of 30. (This will be her one and only big party, from next year it will just be a handful of good friends). It is hard to reduce the numbers down because she isn't best friends with any of the children yet and plays with most of them.

My problem is do I invite the whole class as that would be fairer (it seems mean to leave out 5 of them)? Although my heart says it is my daughter's party so she should invite exactly who she wants.

What would you do?

IdrisTheDragon Wed 04-Nov-09 18:36:25

I think inviting 25 out of 30 isn't right - although I can see what you are saying about letting her invite who she wants.

I think you should either invite all 30, or invite fewer than about 20.

Cluckyagain Wed 04-Nov-09 18:37:22

Honestly - either all the girls, a very select few (say 8 max) or all of them. It;s not worth the wrath of a few mums in the very first year!

crokky Wed 04-Nov-09 18:38:40

Agree with idris, you either invite them all or significantly fewer than all of them. 25 out of 30 does come across as a little mean to the few that have been singled out to go without an invite IMHO. When my DS has his bday, I plan to invite 10-15 children out of 30.

TheFallenMadonna Wed 04-Nov-09 18:38:42

Agree with Idris. Whole class or fewer than half the class would be my rule of thumb.

Bumblingbovine Wed 04-Nov-09 19:14:07

I have just had this but it was made easier by ds being adamant that he didn't want any girls !! I invited all the boys which in his class is less than half (12 including ds).

Ds had one or two boys he didn't want but that was two weeks ago. Now he is best friends with those two - Luckily I had insisted on all the boys or just 3-4 in total. He went for all the boys as he knew that would mean more presents hmm

poppyandmax Wed 04-Nov-09 19:44:07

OK, how about inviting 20 out of the 30. Is this acceptable do you think?

Do mother's really hold a grudge if their child is not invited to a party shock

TheFallenMadonna Wed 04-Nov-09 19:50:23

I think possible asking whether children might be upset if they are one of the few not invited might be more apt?

Why don't you want to invite those 5?

poppyandmax Wed 04-Nov-09 20:00:18

I don't have a problem inviting the whole class. My daughter only wants to invite those she likes and plays with.

TheFallenMadonna Wed 04-Nov-09 20:20:38

It might be nice to have a chat with your daughter about how the 5 children she doesn't play with might feel if they were the only ones not invited to her party. I dothink we should take the lead with our children sometimes.

poppyandmax Wed 04-Nov-09 20:31:28

There has been some incidents of hitting, kicking and spitting with them, hence she is not keen.

TheFallenMadonna Wed 04-Nov-09 20:35:14

Hmm. I'd still invite them TBH. It's a big party, and they are very young children.

Or invite 15 or so only.

displayuntilbestbefore Wed 04-Nov-09 20:36:05

spitting? ew!

poppyandmax Wed 04-Nov-09 20:38:10

Thanks everyone, I can see that it will have to be all or half, will mull it over.

fin42 Mon 09-Nov-09 09:38:14

the place that I have booked for ds's party only allows 25 at most so there's no way that we could invite the whole class. I have decided to invite just the boys, but there are a couple of girls that ds and I attended a playgroup with, and came to his party last year so I thought I might invite them as well as I am friends with their parents. Does anybody think that this would be wrong?
I have discussed this with ds and he seems ok with it.

FimbleHobbs Tue 10-Nov-09 10:57:32

poppyandmax I have a similar decision to make - DS is in a class of about 30 (reception) and I don't know whether to do

party for whole class
party for whole class plus old pre-school friends
party for those he talks about (plus old pre-school friends?)

I think if his old friends come he might find it hard to play with both groups. He didn't know anyone in his new class when he started but lots already did so I am not sure what friendship groups are already in place and I don't want to leave anyone out.

I also don't want him to miss out on party invites because of me not knowing the other mums (most from a different pre school) so I am veering towards a whole class party to maximise the number of potential 'invites back'. I know I am overthinking this!!

poppyandmax Tue 10-Nov-09 13:55:07

Fimblehobbs, I have decided to invite the whole class, plus 6 friends from outside of school. I decided that as I have booked a hall and an entertainer, the only cost aspect for so many will be extra party bags and food. It will only be a small party from next year when hopefully her friendships have been established!

FimbleHobbs Tue 10-Nov-09 16:08:05

Hope it goes well! I am thinking of doing hall and entertainer (or even cheaper, bouncy castle and face painting if I can get enough helpers) with the same logic as you re. the costs.

Soft play etc parties seem so expensive per head especially if you get no shows.

Right I'm off to work out how to do a painted transformer face.....

fridayschild Tue 10-Nov-09 17:24:28

DS2 is in a reception class of 23. He wanted to invite them all except one to his party which was on Sunday. He was at nursery with the one boy and has never liked him - the child has behavioural issues.

Notwithstanding the biting and other problems, I said this was Not On - either all or about half. We asked about 12 from the class, and then if they had older sibings DS2 was friendly with, we asked the siblings too. especially if I am friendly with the mum (ahem!). I think the 12 from the class was pretty random, actually. We had a class list and DS2 just went through it in a state of high excitement, though we did get the 3 kids I think he likes best.

I'm not sure it is much easier with a birthday later in the year, TBH. DS1 has an April birthday but he loves a crowd and doesn't hold a grudge. We have invited the whole class to his parties.

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