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Birthday Party Clash - I'm really worrying...

(26 Posts)
TheVillageIdiot Tue 14-Jun-05 13:14:03

By pure coincidence both myself and another mum from nursery have arranged our dd's birthday parties for the same day. Only found out this morning, our finishes when there's is due to start but they are about 15min drive from where I have organised dd's

Am really worrying myself about it, wasn't going to post but am really stressing. I'm not very good at the party lark as it is and now I'm worrying nobody will come etc

I would re-arrange but I have booked a hall, bouncy castle, air-flow system etc it is feasible that people could come to dd's then onto other childs but they'd have to leave early or arrive at the other later.

What should I do??? am I worrying without good reason? I suggested this morning that perhaps other child could have their party with DD and have a joint one but other mum didn't seem very keen - it's at their house so guess I they have loads planned and have invited family and stuff. I've only invited other children, no family have been invited except roped in helpers. I'm even worrying about worrying the other mums as they'll have to decide which to go to - I don't want a popularity comp. Oh help, I hate organising dd's parties at the best of times!!!!!

starlover Tue 14-Jun-05 13:15:57

oooh tough one! Perhaps you could suggest a slight time change... ie, yours starts and finishes 15 mins earlier... and hers starts 15 mins later...

it wouldn't be a huuuuuuge time difference, but would give people time to get between the 2....

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 13:18:16

If hers is at their house without having paid for entertainer hall or anything

Couldn't hers just start 15 mins later?

We had this several years ago in DS class and they just giggled the times and all the children had DEFFO BRILL party day

TheVillageIdiot Tue 14-Jun-05 13:21:06

I feel a bit rude suggesting she change hers, as dd's invites went out the day before other childs. Kinda feel like if she wanted to she could have adjusted the time before giving out the invites today. I don't know am just worrying now, if I hadn't hired everything and already sent out the invites I would have tried to re-arrange but I can't. Might mention again tomorrow about combining the parties - don't know what else to do.

acnebride Tue 14-Jun-05 13:23:25

Stressful for you. I would hold your ground. I think it's unimaginative of the other mum not to jump at the chance of joining in with what sounds like a great party of your dd's!

If ds were invited to two parties like this, I would take him to both but not for very long at each. Probably.

If dd is not old enough to care very much whether lots of people are there or not, I would try very hard not to worry. Easier said than done as I am absolutely crushed by people not turning up to things of mine.

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 13:28:58

IMHO I would really not want to combine party with someone else

DS plans his parties and would be very disappointed if it was then changed from a party at home to join in with someone else

Or if one was planned for a hall with Bouncy castle etc to then change to one @ someone's home.

They both sound DEFFO BRILL parties

SO why not go ahead and have 2 parties

It will mean that the parents can maybe share picking up from yours and dropping off at the the other one

Guardianangel Tue 14-Jun-05 13:29:17

like you, i dread all that party stuff. I was invited to two parties in one day, but had to pull out on one of them for the sake of little ones tummy. All that party food and excitement would of been too much. Sorry but if it were me I would postpone and move it a week later (thats if all involved, the bouncy castle, hall etc dont charge extra for postponing it.

starlover Tue 14-Jun-05 13:37:10

I would expect HER to postpone, or change the time.

She handed out invites AFTER you, and as she is having it at home she doesn't have to re-arrange hall, bouncy castle etc...

Is your dd invited to her party? and vice versa?

WigWamBam Tue 14-Jun-05 13:39:47

She might well have booked entertainers, face-painters and so on herself though, starlover, so perhaps it's not that easy.

TheVillageIdiot Tue 14-Jun-05 13:39:51

I can't postpone as have plans for the following weekend and the weekend before would be this weekend. Also a little party of me thinks why should I have to pay penalties for the hiring etc as well as have to buy a new set of invites, phone up people who have already excepted etc

Eek, can understand the not wanting to combine - it was just the first thing that came into my head. Both girls will be 3. I don't the other mum very well at all so don't really want to (accidently) put her nose out of joint. Feeling like cancelling but that's just me and DD is so looking forward to it - it's all I've heard about for weeks. Just gonna have to grin and bare it I think, see what happens..

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 13:40:03

How old are they?

starlover Tue 14-Jun-05 13:41:54

seriously... i would just suggest changing the time.

would it be possible to move yours forward by 15 mins?

If so then it won't be like you're just asking her to move hers and wanting yours to stay the same.

You can just say "oh dd is so looking forward to your party.. i have moved mine forward 15 mins and just wondered if you would be able to move yours back 15 minutes... that'll give everyone half an hour to move between the parties"

she can only say no!

TheVillageIdiot Tue 14-Jun-05 13:42:05

Sorry yes the girls are invited to each others parties.

Also I feel like I have to take dd to other party in case she thinks I'm being rude - so now have the logistics of getting my party tidied away the BC etc picked up AND getting over to the other party. I'm sure the other little girl won't be able to come to dd's as they will be busy getting ready. I think I might be over-analysing now

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 13:42:55

But you sent them out first

So it is up to her really

I mean if it was an adult dinner party and you accept an invite BUT then get another one you say Sorry am going out OR you go from one to another

TheVillageIdiot Tue 14-Jun-05 13:44:31

I can't move mine forward but can suggest it finishes 15mins earlier - it will still give them 1hr15mins and anyone not invited to the 2nd could stay a little longer

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 13:44:43

Can't one of the friends act as a taxi for both DDs

They may be glad to be free of their DD while they get set up

Guardianangel Tue 14-Jun-05 13:45:57

VI she is a strange one to send out invitations in the knowledge that you have a party too! Problem is reallistically you cant just tell her to cancel hers.

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 13:50:46

Had she already replied to yours?

TheVillageIdiot Tue 14-Jun-05 14:13:47

No, the invites were only 1 day after mine. I will suggest that mine finishes a little earlier and hers starts a little later. I seriously wouldn't expect her to cancel her party. I would like to think that she wouldn't expect that from me either.

TinyGang Tue 14-Jun-05 14:17:22

I really do sympathise. Anything to do with parties/tea/sleepovers/invites(either the lack of or those that clash) - all are a minefield of etiquette with a very sharp learning curve I have found.

If I were you though I would stick with things as they are. You have arranged it, you have guests who have accepted and the party cannot easily be moved. Also your invitations went out first. Hey, that's how it goes sometimes. I really wouldn't mention it again as you don't know the other mum particularly. This kind of clashing only gets worse I've found. Dd is now at big school and her birthday seems to be in a wave of birthdays all in the same week or so. I just try to bear it in mind and get the invitations out early. She has always had a good show of guests attending despite at least one other person in her class with a party on at the same time.

The first year it happened I was quite dismayed and worried when some people said they'd already accepted the other party. But it was fine actually. You really could drive yourself nuts trying to juggle everything around everyone else. Remember it for next year, if the situation is the same and just mention it to the mum then if you wish so you don't clash again.

Don't worry, (ha! good coming from me!) enjoy it and I hope your little dd has a great time. She is unlikely to notice some people aren't there.

clary Tue 14-Jun-05 14:31:44

yeah vi, I agree with tinygang.
We are having a monster joint party next weekend for dd and ds1 and I have invited 30+ people. They can’t all come. Well hey! It doesn’t clash with any other party, but with people being away, family dos and a ballet show. Doesn’t matter, there will be plenty of people there.
DS1 has suggested we save a party bag for those who can’t come which I thought was a sweet idea.
Please don’t stress any more about it, just go with the flow. Fewer guests can be no bad thing anyway.....

Guardianangel Tue 14-Jun-05 14:42:06

sorry VI, I thought your party was the later one. Stay with it girl, it will be the second party that may not get the guests, if they are tired and full up from yours. You cant account for her timing especially in the full knowledge that yours was happening on the same day.

Guardianangel Tue 14-Jun-05 14:43:51

Clary, I just love your 'to hell with it ' approach. lol But did anyone let you know that its people that make the party?

clary Tue 14-Jun-05 14:53:26

Gaurdian angel you’re right about that of course.
I guess in my case I have invited so many (horrors of a joint party) that I shan’t be devastated if some can’t come!
Agree tho that VI’s case is particularly bad... but yes, as that is the earlier party she shoudl be OK.

TheVillageIdiot Tue 14-Jun-05 15:48:28

I wish I could not worry. I think it's more the fact that I always worry people won't come as it, something like this happening is a complete disaster.

You guys have really helped calm me down though - thank you!!!

I'm just going to have to go with the flow and see what happens. I will be inwardly gutted if hardly anybody comes though - I have only invited about 6 other children outside nursery and the hall is huge!!

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