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dd -4- hasnt been invited to many parties ... should i worry or are people just scaling down parties this year?

(20 Posts)
noonar Tue 02-Jun-09 14:39:08

my dd is in reception. she is very, very happy and skips in to school each day. she is spirited and bright and has a twinkle in her eye -and adults love her.

she has lots of energy and enjoys playing with the boys and also playing alone and with her older sis and her friends. she seems to get on fine with the girls but has not best friend, as such.

anyway, it has just occurred to me as i'm thinking about dd's 5th birthday party, that she has only been invited to 2 parties by classmates this year.

do you think this is significant or am i being silly? perhaps its my fault for not bothering to invite friends round for tea sadshould i be concerned or is this a complete non issue? what dyou reckon? maybe people just arent doing big parties , atm...

sagacious Tue 02-Jun-09 14:43:54

A LOT less parties this year (dd is in reception/ds in year 2)

We didn't have parties (other than small family) this year when normally we would.

If shes happy and is playing with other children... all is well.

noonar Tue 02-Jun-09 14:44:27

for those with reception aged children. i bet theyve all been to loads of parties, haven they.

dd1- 7yo- has been to loads, come to think of it...

noonar Tue 02-Jun-09 14:47:52

sag, thanks. i guess if people are doing small bday teas with maybe 6 friends, you'd get fewer invitations unless you were the class princess <tongue in cheek emoticon>

yes, she plays v well with others and is totally inclusive. has a couple of friends who find school quite tricky. her teacher says she's great with them.

hifi Tue 02-Jun-09 17:46:30

in dds reception there are loads, apparently its year one they get smaller. a couple of children havent had them as they were in aug/sept last year.

gigglinggoblin Tue 02-Jun-09 17:54:38

If she hasnt had a party yet she will miss out on the invites from the ones who only invite the ones they were invited to. We have seen fewer parties this year, I dont think it is down to ds. Lots of kids just havent had one, parents have gone on hols as a birthday treat and similar stuff

lljkk Wed 03-Jun-09 13:36:39

DS2 is also in reception and only just received his first b-day party invite this year.
Worst thing is, he said he doesn't want to go (lljkk pulls her hair out in exasperation).

noonar Mon 08-Jun-09 13:32:23

oh no lljk!

giggling, thats a v v good point.

am feeling a bit upset on dd's behalf all over again today, as i am aware that another 2 girls in the class have just had birthdays, but not sure if they had parties/ how big they were..

sounds silly doesnt it? but i cant help but feel a bit sad

bigstripeytiger Mon 08-Jun-09 13:35:59

I had noticed a drop in the level of invitations over the last few months. I have 3 DDs, and would have previously had 1 or 2 parties each weekend, over the last few months it has dropped off a lot, though just recently has picked up again. I had wondered if it was a reflection of the current economic situation?

GooseyLoosey Mon 08-Jun-09 13:36:17

I have felt like this with my children and it part, in reception at least, I have decided that it is nothing to do with the child and a lot to do with parents inviting the children of those other parents they know and like. Children only get invited on their own account if it is a whole class party or they are mentioned a lot by the birthday child (which your dd may not be if she has loads of different friends).

Don't worry about it, but if you think that she is being left out a bit, invite some of the class around to tea.

noonar Mon 08-Jun-09 13:44:20

lol, goosey, so its ME that no one likes grin . seriously, though, i take your point, as i am rather more focussed on chatting to parents in my older dd's class. agree that i need to engineer more playdates.

yes i think it could be a trend this year.

will try to relax about it grin

FimbleHobbs Mon 08-Jun-09 14:15:19

I have read this thread with interest as DS starts reception in September and his birthday is not until January - I'm hoping this gives him time to make some friends to invite, but I hadn't considered the 'not being invited unless you had already been to their party' rule.

Gah - does this mean we all should rush to hold a 'new class' party each September to guarantee reciprocal invitations in the following year??!!!

I know some of my friends are scaling back on parties a bit - not sure if for money reasons or just that as a group we have done some quite big parties so far, and getting a bit tired of them.

I also think that girls get invited to fewer parties anyway - the trend seems to be that girls will invite both sexes but boys avoid inviting girls if at all possible. Certainly true of my little friend who is 5 next month - he 'hates girls' (despite spending most weekends playing with his sister and my DD - lol). There are probably boys happily playing with your DD yet wouldn't invite her to a party because she is a girl - does that make sense?

I am sure your daughter is popular though, you say she is happy and thats the main thing.

noonar Mon 08-Jun-09 18:55:52

fimble, thanks for your post. interesting point re girls not being invited to boys' parties. very true.

my dds are both having friends for tea tomorrow, and both are boys. yet they have never been to a boy's party! my other dd- 7 -has a really close friend and he often wants her to come to tea, but he's never invited her to his party!

peanutbutterkid Mon 08-Jun-09 18:59:33

Hm, DD has been invited to WAY more parties than DS1 or DS2.

noonar Mon 08-Jun-09 19:05:27

sorry, peanut, are you saying that in your dds reception class, parties are happening all the time? didnt quite get your point, sorry!smile

piscesmoon Mon 08-Jun-09 19:16:31

I think it is very sensible to scale down parties and just have a few friends to tea. I never did reciprocal invitations anyway-I left it completely up to DS with a strict limit. If you feel obliged to invite everyone whose party they went to you end up with everyone having to do whole class parties.

GooseyLoosey Mon 08-Jun-09 22:04:58

blush Sorry Noonar - have just re-read what I posted and that is not quite what I meant! I suffer from foot in mouth syndrome. I meant that (at our school at least) there is a kind of "play-date" network which seems to have been established long before the children started school and the participants all know each other well.

I shall stop shovelling now shall I!!

piscesmoon Mon 08-Jun-09 22:16:34

I found that the 'playdate network' broke down once they started school and were able to choose their own friends. Mine ended up with completely new friends.

traceybath Mon 08-Jun-09 22:23:03

I think there may be fewer parties - has your DD mentioned any that she hasn't been invited too?

Interestingly in DS1's class (reception) all the boys parties have been mixed but quite a few of the girls have been girls only.

Must say DS1 doesn't seem to notice at all if he's not invited to a party. Am sure your DD is oblivious.

Would also agree that sometimes its just that the mums invite their friend's children rather than their children's friends.

peanutbutterkid Tue 09-Jun-09 14:10:22

What I meant was that over the years DD has been invited to more parties than either of my DSs (one of my DSs is now in reception). Just refuting idea that girls get fewer invites. Has averaged out, incidentally, as 2-4 invites per yr per school-age child, so OP's experience is nothing unusual ime.

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