My gut instinct would be to not invite. I mean if they haven't invited your dd then why should you go to the trouble.
Saying that ds wasn't invited to a friend of his (he is 7) and when we wrote his invitations out he said he wanted ** and he didn't care about not going to his. So through gritted teeth I invited hima nd he didn't turn up!
Jools - I know. That's why I am not having another big party next year. far too stressful and it all gets a bit much. I mean I gave a boy that was on holiday when the teacher gave them out an invitation when he got back. This other boy came up and said I wasn't invited. I felt awful but ds said well I don't play with him mum.
Just find the whole who to invite soooo stressful.
Wasn't having a go at anyone in particular Blossom - just surprised that ANYONE could think that not inviting should even be considered!
(I have to confess that I spent my whole childhood having my mother use me as a tool for various feuds - and still does! - only LAST WEEK she was saying "Oooh so-and-so's been invited to your cousin's Christening and you haven't..." - and we are all nearly middle-aged FGS! Life is just too short to even REMEMBER these kinds of 'slights'.)
I'd invite the other child - after all, its your childs party not yours, and if you think they are friends...
However, I do have a spiteful streak, and if the other child came, one day I'd mention in passing to the mother 'so when's .... birthday?' or 'what are you doing for ..... this year' maybe acting like you forgot when it was. See what she says!
pamina, are you absolutely sure your dd is not being invited to this girl's party? could she have lost the invite be any remote chance?
The other thing is, the party might be big but if friends outside nursery have been invited, the mother might need to limit the number of nursery children she's inviting.
I too have been in a position where I have invited my sons' friends without reciprocal invites back, even when the parents are very good friends. It happens nearly every year. Amazed my teeth are still here, the amount of gritting they have suffered.