Funny poem for a civil wedding ceremony?Can anyone help?(17 Posts)
We're getting married,5 weeks today!!1)I'm scared 2)i'm so disorgansied it's not funny 3)i've finally talked my younger sister into doing a poem or reading,just can't find anything suitable.Anyone point me in the right direction?thanks.x
It has to be funny? What kind of funny - wry? ironic? belly laugh?
Funny-humorous,instead of all the 'thou' and 'believeth' and such words....
There is one by Pam Ayres (sp??). I'll see if I can find it...
Yes, I'll Marry You
Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
And here's the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it's creepy and it's late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.
Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It's you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It's you that has to whack him.
Yes, I'll marry you,
You're virile and you're lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It's you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I've got PMT it's you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!
Excellent Babbit.Any more where that came from?
Love that one
I waas at a wedding this mornign and someone told me about a joke played on the quests.
When asked does anyone know wht these two should not be joined blah blah. A person stood up and said yes, marched up to the front, looked at the bride, and walked off saying sorry wrong wedding
def worth a trip to local library - i found loads of books when i was looking for something else
I used this at my wedding last year -- my sister abbreviated it and changed the names in the last verse to names of all of our guests. It went down really well.
Actually, on rereading, she got rid of quite a bit of it first - all the waiting and more negatove verses - but it worked!
Sorry that's my lot. Good luck and have a fab wedding.
The Flushing Bride
By Emily Walden Emerson
He a desk clerk, her a maid
Of a huge hotel where tourists stayed
He only saw her now and then
But he knew how their tale should end
He tried and tried to find a time
He could ask her Please be mine,
When he could be on bended knee
And speak the most poetic plea
From such a classical position
Could she resist his proposition?
But she was busy, he was shy
And fast the time went by and by
Until she caught anothers eye
And he thought the second man might try
So he knew he must act fast
Hed find her now and ask at last
He searched and searched to no avail
But was determined not to fail
Then he smelled her sweet perfume
Right outside the ladies room
He took some flowers in full bloom
And went in after, to be her groom
Well she was shocked (how would you feel
To see a man approach, then kneel
While you were emptying your bladder
It would be quite an awkward matter)
Please dont think it too upsurd
If I could have a little word
I know my timings rather bad
But to lose this chance would be more sad
If youre having trouble concentrating
Ill wait till youre through urinating
Well, the maid said, full of dread
If you must speak then go ahead
So he bravely took her hand
Took a deep breath and then began
For so long, Ive dreamed of this
To propose and then to kiss
I know that you dont know me well
Ask anything and I will tell
Yes theres still so much to learn
Well have surprises every turn
But as I see you there, upon the throne
The sweetest frown, ever Ive known
Ive seen your best and smelled your worst
And still my heart it longs to burst
So take this ring it is a symbol
She said It looks just like a thimble.
He said Sorry, I had to hurry
The other man, he made me worry.
The other man? What nonsense utter,
That man you mean, he is my brother.
Your brother? Thats such a relief
But I found courage in my false belief
So here we are, and heres the ring
Or the closest thing that I could bring
So please say yes, once and for all
Right here and now inside this stall
Somehow, just then, the ring fell in
Shall I reach in, or is that a sin?
I think it better that you not
It really wasnt worth a lot
Then she added, with a blush
And I havent yet a chance to flush
As you wish, but Ive no issue
To touch your urine or your tissue
I swear Id swim in a sea of pee
If that would make you marry me
My Lady, let your heart decide,
Would you consent to be my bride?
I cant resist. Thats so romantic!
And I see that yours is quite gigantic!
Im speaking of, of course, your heart
For its the most important part
So I say yes, Ill be your bride
Youve won me with how hard youve tried
They shared a kiss, he smiled wide
For a touch of tongue she had applied
Please carry me out, if it sounds not dumb
(Its not for romance, my legs are numb)
One last thing, please dont place blame
If I might ask, per chance, your name?
And thats the story of how they began
The Flushing Bride, and her brave, brave man
And how that day he did trap her
Then and there upon the crapper
(Yes, they lived happy, ever after)
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