Asked to contribute items when we aren't attending party...

(28 Posts)
Takingtimeoff Mon 29-Oct-18 10:18:17

Hi All - first time poster here - please be gentle with me 😆

DH and I were invited to a party by someone we know. The organiser isn't a close friend; we've know them for a while but only socialised a few times with them recently. Anyway we can't go as we had prior plans. We let the host know and they expressed disappointment.
I hadn't expected to hear any more about it but the host has now contacted me to ask me to contribute some items for the party. I'm guessing I'd have to buy the materials, but even if they provide them it would take me quite a while to make them.
I tried brushing off their request by replying that I'm useless at what they want but they haven't taken the hint. They've made it sound like they're doing me a favour - it will help me to feel involved in their party even though we can't go!
I suspect they are going to be offended when I say no 🤔
Has anyone been in this position and how did you politely decline?

OP’s posts: |
Hoppinggreen Mon 29-Oct-18 10:23:15

I’ve never been in that position and hope never to be, they are the archetypal MN cheeky Fuckers.
I would just say no I’m sorry I can’t and leave it at that

Reaa Mon 29-Oct-18 10:28:26

I won't have the time/can't due to prior arrangements which is why we can't attend the party.

SeaViewBliss Mon 29-Oct-18 10:30:28

May I be the first to say

‘Is she on glue?!’

SinisterClownWatchingYou Mon 29-Oct-18 10:31:47

Dammit seaview I nearly got there first.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Mon 29-Oct-18 10:32:41

Are you sure this isn't a mistake? Has she messaged thinking you're someone else or forgotten you said you can't attend?

strongswans Mon 29-Oct-18 10:34:19

I'd have to just laugh and say you must be confused, I said we can't come.

AllSouls Mon 29-Oct-18 10:34:40

I'd assume this is a mistake, or that the hosts have sent out a general email/message to people attending the party and forgot to take you off.

Either way, I don't think it needs a a reply, or certainly not more than a quick 'You sent us this in error. Best wishes, X'.

gamerchick Mon 29-Oct-18 10:35:48

What does she want you to make?

Tell her you can't help and hope the party goes well. Then maybe give her a swerve from now on.

Aprilislonggone Mon 29-Oct-18 10:35:56

Sorry I am unfortunately unable to assist you. Hope the party is a success!!
Or fuck off you cf!!
Select as appropriate!!

NWQM Mon 29-Oct-18 10:36:58

I'm sorry but this has made me soooo chuckle. What are people like? Please can you contribute to our party that you aren't attending.....did they seriously think you'd say 'yes, of course.' Nowt so strange as folks is there.

Pinkprincess1978 Mon 29-Oct-18 10:38:09

This is up there for strange requests! Why would you want to feel part of the party? Maybe if you were really good friends and they were asking you to make something as part of some collective art work or a special wish to the couple/person record a message for the party maybe.... but if you are not even close and by the sounds of it are making more than one of these - are they decorative or edible? Just a strange request all round!

Feel free to say no that doesn't work for me 😂

Takingtimeoff Mon 29-Oct-18 10:39:47

I love your replies so far - reassuring that I'm not being totally unreasonable not wanting to do this!

Request was definitely aimed at me - sent by direct message (and the previous conversation we'd had when I informed her we couldn't attend is visible still so no confusion there...)

OP’s posts: |
bagpiss Mon 29-Oct-18 10:40:02

Just say you're sorry but you can't help and remind them that you're not going

StylishMummy Mon 29-Oct-18 10:42:58

I'm intrigued what you've been asked to contribute?!

DownUdderer Mon 29-Oct-18 10:43:19

I’m dying to know what they want you to make! Hallowe’en table centres?!

headlessPersephone Mon 29-Oct-18 10:43:46

What do they want you do do??? This would help establish level of cheeky fuckery

Takingtimeoff Mon 29-Oct-18 10:47:23

It is decorative items - seasonal ones 🍊 😉 Messy, sticky job and one I've not missed since my DC got too big to be interested.

I doubt that the host is active on MN but I was trying to be vague just in case...

OP’s posts: |
Takingtimeoff Mon 29-Oct-18 10:56:22

Aprilislinggone - I'd love to go with your second response suggestion but I suspect the polite part of me will insist on using your first one

OP’s posts: |
NWQM Mon 29-Oct-18 11:12:06

Is there a prize or anything for best whatever it is? Even if you know there isn't I think you should ask.

Aprilislonggone Mon 29-Oct-18 11:21:19

Would make me wonder if the initial invite had been for my company or my particular set of skills!

Takingtimeoff Mon 29-Oct-18 11:59:06

NWQM - that's genius thank you. I adapted your suggestion slightly; I said I couldn't help but suggested asking those attending to all bring one and that it could be a competition!

OP’s posts: |
Aprilislonggone Mon 29-Oct-18 12:02:27

Let us know the response op!!
Love a cf thread!!

KickAssAngel Mon 29-Oct-18 12:14:13

I'm not sure why you're so worried about being polite. It wasn't polite of the host to ask in the first place, and it also wasn't polite to then push for you to do this when you demurred.

Although 2 wrongs don't make a right, at some point you're allowed to drop being polite and just tell them straight.

SpoonBlender Mon 29-Oct-18 12:26:31

It does sound like the host is just pinging everyone on the invite list - if so they'll just have copy/pasted into all the chats, probably without checking upwards to see your "we're not coming".

Did you reiterate that you're not coming?

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