I saw FB photos of a daughter's birthday party and we were not invited even though we invited her classmate to our daughter’s party a month ago and she attended. I am obviously hurt.
I’m confused. Why wasn’t my daughter invited?
It's the second time in days this has happened. We invited another classmate to her birthday party (the mother didn't even rsvp despite getting the invite!) and then we were not invited back 4 weeks later.
In the above example, first mum had invited us to 3 previous whole-of-class parties, and the second mum to 2. We attended all of them, RSVPing as we went. Perhaps they thought enough of inviting children who don’t invite us back? But we didn’t have any parties to invite people back to and they would have known that via FB!
The 2 mums in the above example are similar (older) age to me and seem quite sensible so I expect them to be on a relative same wavelength.
Since we were indebted to them, we invited them back this year when things are a bit more sensible and you invite your friends rather than the whole class. One came, one didn’t. Neither invited us this year when it was time to select friends, one of which I thought was a close friend, though I’m obviously mistaken.
My daughter is the oldest in the class, so we have to send invites out first. We don’t know what future invites will be.
Last year, the girl whose mum didn't rsvp, had a party with whole-class invite except my daughter so I was even more upset then.
And last year, someone who I thought my daughter was very good friends with, wasn't invited to her party! The mother invited her friend’s daughters over her daughter's friends in a cliquey show of allegiance. She got angry I asked her daughter whether my daughter was invited to the party.
This year sees a shift from all-class invitations to a guest list which now consists of selected friends (year 3). My daughter didn’t make the cut for a 10 party guest list, despite belonging to a small cohort of children who transfer to the same class each year as part of their 1.5 form.
I don’t want to approach the mothers because to do so would acknowledge my upset, make things possibly difficult for my daughter (who, after all, is the one I’m seeking happiness, even though is oblivious to the exclusions) and make things even more awkward in future. There are no missing invites in the bottom of the bag.
We didn’t hold any whole-class parties for the first three years ourselves (though we attended everyone else's). We didn’t because we didn’t want the expense of hiring hall and entertainers for a party with 30 kids (and receiving 30 (unwanted) presents 🙈). Expensive waste of money with one or other child/parent unhappy in my humble opinion.
We are in debt when it comes to hosting a party, so I hoped to invite back those that had invited us to their whole-of-class parties in the past (excluding the boys who my daughter just doesn’t get on with). Out of 15 invitations, 5 children turned up with varying levels of RSVP from mothers. (I gave 2 month notice, some had to be prompted again to RSVP a week before).
What am I doing wrong? Must I be friends with the mums too? I try to let my daughter do her own socialising and accept who SHE chooses as HER friends at HER school and she has done a good job of it. I couldn't have picked nicer friends for her. Her school friends were absolutely lovely at her party :)
On the other hand, I'm not friends with any of their mothers except through their children. I can’t be bothered with the extra time, effort or money it takes to pretend to have bonds just so that my daughter can have a birthday party once a year. I'm just friends with some of my neighbours who take their kids to the same school on the same journey ie whoever I bump into, nothing organised.
To put it into context, we go to a state primary school. Other mums are younger and mostly school leavers. I am 10-15 years older on average, different religion and colour. Is it a race/education/ class divide? We live in a nice town of British white people and there is only one other brown face (who similarly doesn’t get on the guest list).
My daughter is overly friendly, loving and caring and I'm not just saying that as her mother. There is no reason she should be excluded
It’s a complete minefield. I am very upset and definitely over analysing.
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I'm upset my child wasn't returned birthday party invites
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Rightgirlwrongplanet1 · 07/10/2018 14:56
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