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No shows at child's party

(18 Posts)
LMonkey Sun 10-Dec-17 23:03:52

There were 7 children at my son's 5th birthday party. 7. And my children counted for 2 of them. This was our first year doing a 'proper' party really, only ever done family parties or just casually had a few tots around when he was younger. As he only just started reception in September I wanted to invite his new little friends. I booked a party at our local soft play and invited about half his class (about 15) plus two cousins, as really didn't want to go too overboard with the price. Of these children, 3 couldn't make it (and I had to chase the mothers for a reply), 2 never replied, the 2 cousins sadly couldn't make it at the last minute due to severe weather, but 3 that had said they would come and the mothers actually to!d me face to face never showed up, no text, call, or anything. I just can't believe it. And we actually went to one of their parties a week ago funnily enough.

I just think this is so cruel?? To not turn up to a 5 year olds party and not even have the decency to let us know? DS seemed to have a nice enough time but I feel that the turn out was rather lame and kind of feel bad for him and worry that he's not popular enough to make a big enough impact for children to make an effort with him (reliving my childhood experiences here lol). Also inconsiderate as one parent to another, people know the nightmare it can be to organise and the cost of a party.

I'm thinking if we do a party again maybe invite many more so that the final turn out is likely to be better? Any advice? And how should I be with these mothers when I see them? These are mothers who i had not spoken to before organising the party and since then I have always made an effort to say hello and they seem polite enough but not overly friendly (I find the school gate situation at our school quite cliquey).

Any advice/ shared experiences would be welcomed. Thanks x

OP’s posts: |
clematisflower Sun 10-Dec-17 23:09:01

Was the party today? Do you have snow? Just thinking it may have been difficult to get to. Not that it excuses people not letting you now they couldn't make it at the last minute.

Also people will be busy in December so I wouldn't take it personally that some couldn't make it. Maybe next year when people know you/your ds better they will be more likely to RSVP and come.

Hope your ds had a fab time

Alpacaandgo Sun 10-Dec-17 23:11:48

How far in advance were the invites sent? My ds missed a party once because I just totally forgot about it. The invites were sent out 2 months before it. I wrote it on calendar and then put it out if my mind because it was so far ahead. but then just didn't notice it until the week after.

I did apologise to the mum when I realised and I felt really bad.

LMonkey Sun 10-Dec-17 23:24:03

There wasn't any snow down here and these people are all fairly local. Yeah, I do get that it is an incredibly busy time of year so I do understand but to not even text!!

The invites were sent 3 weeks ago so not too long ago.

I do hope I get an apology from the mums as at least then I know they have a conscience!

OP’s posts: |
Changednamejustincase Sun 10-Dec-17 23:26:48

I wouldn't worry that this is anything to do with how the children who didn't attend feel about your son. In my experience, young children always want to go to parties and their parents decide if they are going based on whether they are free to go at that time or whether they are able to get there. In your case the problem is with the parents not being polite enough to respond to an invite and parents being so rude they haven't bothered to say they won't be able to make it after all. Your son's popularity with the other 5 years old won't have affected the manners of the parents.
At least he enjoyed the party.

Enidblyton1 Sun 10-Dec-17 23:29:08

That is annoying, but I expect they just forgot - it won't be a thing to do with popularity.
Do you have the parent's email addresses? At our school party invitations are easy because everyone's email is available on the school database. I always send an email reminder a couple of days before the party via email. Appreciate you can't do that if you have to rely on paper invitations.

Ohyesiam Sun 10-Dec-17 23:33:41

Don't worry about your son's popularity, at that age going to things is only about what the mums are prepared to do.
People are bloody rude about replying to kids invites, and any communication around it.
And yes, inviting the whole class can work for numbers but that will be the time when they all show up with their younger siblings, and you get used for free childcare and end up with 65 kids....

ShoppingBasket Sun 10-Dec-17 23:34:38

That's the problem - invites sent 3 weeks ago! Generally they are sent one week previous to avoid forgetfulness etc. Probably just slipped their mind especially at this time of year. It isn't a nice feeling I know, one year my sons class was wiped with norivirus - 3 turned up!!

AlpacaLypse Sun 10-Dec-17 23:35:17

@Enidblyton1 we had that for a couple of years but then fell foul of Data Protection Act. How does your school wriggle past it?

It was infuriating when I had to abandon the handy list of contacts for the Infants, as it was incredibly handy for sorting out school runs and playdates and parties!

llangennith Sun 10-Dec-17 23:38:50

Send invitations out one week before a party. Don’t ask loads more in case of no-shows just in case they all turn up. Next year you’ll know the other parents better so hopefully this won’t happen again.

tampinfuminragin Sun 10-Dec-17 23:40:26

It's annoying when people don't message to say they can or can't come but your child had a good time at the party and that's all that matters.

LMonkey Mon 11-Dec-17 00:15:06

Really shoppingbasket do you think 3 weeks is too long before?? I read that it should be between 2-6 weeks!

Surely leaving it til one week before is risky as people will have made plans by then??

This is all a learning curve for me!!!

OP’s posts: |
LionsTigersBeers Mon 11-Dec-17 00:44:31

Did you send a reminder the day before? We recently forgot a party - to be fair, each of our 3 kids had a separate party on that one afternoon! I confirmed when invited, but that was a good month before the party and then I forgot on the day as there was so much else going on. Without a doubt it was my and DH's fault for forgetting, but reminders are helpful.

ShoppingBasket Mon 11-Dec-17 08:52:39

For people like me, yes!! I can't remember what I'm doing tomorrow nevermind 3 weeks grinand Around here, the done thing is about ten days.

madeyemoodysmum Mon 11-Dec-17 08:58:58

If you have a Dec bday then I'd do the party a few weeks early next year or only invite his best friends.
People are CRap and selfish but they are busy this time of year. There is a lot of illness too

However very rude not to let you know

madeyemoodysmum Mon 11-Dec-17 09:00:44

I have a Dec bday child so have some experience

Enidblyton1 Mon 11-Dec-17 09:15:59

@AlpacaLypse I'm not sure. It's a private school, but that shouldn't make any difference to data protection.
Parents can chose to remove their details - but nobody does because it's a useful resource. I think there is a disclaimer somewhere saying we are not allowed to pass the information onto other people, but that's about it.

Audree Sat 30-Dec-17 14:06:11

Let it go. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. And I agree with previous posters, it doesn’t reflect how well liked your ds is, just some parents can’t be bothered.
I made the mistake to let ds invite whomever he wanted one year and I had a low turn out. Since then I only invite kids whose parents I know or who I’m fairly sure will come.
If your ds had a good time, that’s all it matters. 7 kids would be a good turn out for me. (Tbh, we always invite a maximum of 8 and I’m happy if 6-7 come).
I agree that planning for 15 and having only 7 show up is very annoying. But I wouldn’t dwell too much on it.

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