This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
What are the party rules on inviting twins?(17 Posts)
Invitations have already gone out. Reception age children (5years).
DS1's best friend was one of twins. When he was very young I invited both but after the age of 7 I didn't. They never played together and neither did his twin play with his brother. His mum and I were friends and she was fine about it.
I don't think there are any rules. DS was invited to one twins birthday but not the others, but I (having consulted MN) invited only the boys in the class to a football party. This meant we didn't invite girl twin. The mother didn't even RSVP.
If they play with both twins invite them both. If they only play with one, then only invite one (unless it's a whole class party and they're in the same class)
Mine have been invited separately and together, and once one invited but the mum then told me both could go!
Thanks for the replies ladies. Party has been & gone now but twins in question were girls who were in separate classes. I invited the one in my sons class without realising she was a twin!! The mum text to ask if the invite was meant for both of them (although only addressed to one) I, very ashamed said yes of course & they both came.
I mentioned it to the teacher when I realised she was a twin & before the mum had text & she said I should only invite the one in my sons class as he doesn't play or really speak to the other one!
Interesting for future parties though. My children both understand they can't go to each other's friends parties but I suppose it must be harder when they are in the same year group & some friends may cross over.
Thanks for the input ladies x
A FB friend kicked off on FB when her DTs weren't both invited to a party. The DTs were very different and had different hobbies and friends but it wasn't acceptable for them not to be invited to the party where numbers were limited. Problem is that it might mean some people don't invite one twin because they haven't got space for the second one so everyone misses out! Very difficult.
The mum of the twins I know is absolutely fine with only one twin being invited to parties.
I think the mum was very cheeky! Why would you invite a kid who isn't even in your sons class!
I have twins and they went separately to some parties, together for others. Fine either way, they soon got to realise they couldn't always go.
The twins in my family relished a bit of time apart. Although one of them was best mates with a twin.
I think if you need an adult to stay, it would be nice to invite both. If it's drop and run, I wouldn't bother. I think 5s about the cut off for having to treat them both the same (you wouldn't invite one 2 year old, for example, neither would an 8 year have to accommodate the 'other' twin). Just noticed the separate classes thing. This is usually done with parental input, and separate party invitations is a natural extension of that. Twins parents need to suck it up if it isn't convenient.
I have b/g twins and people always want to invite them both but sometimes it's nice for them to do different stuff and have time apart from each other.
The Mum was rude. If they are in different classes, and don't run to each others sides like magnets each break, then obviously they are going to have different friendship groups.
My cousins are twins and it is - and always was - very important to them they are / were treated as individuals. I have another friend who has triplets and she had to work really, really hard (one form entry school) to persuade parents that they were 3 individual children and they should be treated as such and people should only ever invite 2 or even 3 of them if they genuinely played with them all. The dc were always pleased to be invited somewhere without their siblings.
I agree with those saying you don't need to invite a twin unless they are in the group your dc plays with. If the Mum insists, then the invitations die away.
I have twins and have always encouraged people to invite them separately to both parties and play dates.
I've had the same problem though, another twin Mum insisting on an invitation for her DS even though we only invited her DD. Neither of my two like her DS and his is particularly unkind to my DD. He's also really badly behaved at parties.
The end result was that I no longer invite the girl twin.
The (extremely rude) Mother in your scenario will find the same thing, if she continues to demand that both children are included, party invitations will reduce.
I have girl DTs in reception. They are often invited to their friends parties separately. They have completely different friends at school with only a few cross overs (mostly the ones they went to nursery with).
I have no problem with just one being invited and often do say to parents that they shouldn't feel like they need to invite both. I am pretty sure that several of the mums weren't aware mine were twins as most of the invites prior to halloween half term were for one child and after that they were for both so i assume some of them twigged they were twins after a while.
thats a bit cheeky...why would you invite someone who isnt even in the class?
My dd is friends with twin girls (outwith school) she has more in common with one but plays well with both so i always invite both.
There are no twins in my daughters class but this year we only invited the girls to her party (so if one had a boy twin he wouldnt have been invited) and again unless whole class was being invited i would only invite both if she played with both.
I have b/g twins not yet at school but in nursery same time so likely to get same party invites but at school even though they will be in the same class i dont expect them both to be invited to every party as i dont expect them to have the same set of friends but being b/g its more likely there will be serperate invites anyway but it wouldnt bother if one was invited and one wasnt.
that particular mum i would have messaged back saying 'no sorry, didnt realise your daughter was a twin but we are limited on numbers and only inviting those in Xs class. I hope she can make it along but if not thats fine just let me know' and left it at that.
Twins at the end of the day are 2 seperate children and should be treated as individuals
I'm glad I'm not the only one to think of them as separate children & not a "package deal"!!
I think she was rude to have asked (especially as it was just the one name on the invite & envelope) but as it was a village hall/magician/bouncy castle type of party numbers weren't too restricted. If it had been a farm/soft play type with specific numbers I would have told her only the children in my sons class were invited.
We've lots of friends with twins and they all expect their twins to be treated separately and as individuals, right from reception. I only ever invite the one my kids are friendly with and their parents are very happy with that
I have b/g twins in the same class. Definitely happy for one to be invited without the other, and have let other parents know that if opportunity ever arises. (I wouldn't want either of them to miss out because people were unsure.) A couple of years ago - maybe Y1 or Y2 a little girl in the class invited mostly girls to her party, but DS and one of his good friends were invited. I don't know if it was just to be nice to DS - I very much hope not because he and his friend were a right pain until I had stern words with them!
Twin mum in your situation is BU in my view. Only situation in which it is at all acceptable to ask for a sibling invitation is when parents are staying and you can't get childcare for other kids. Even then, it's a polite and apologetic request I think.