Advanced search

joint party invite

(16 Posts)
DeepRoots Thu 06-Jun-13 19:58:48

Quick question. DS only went to a handful of parties in his whole primary school life so not sure about joint party invitation etiquette. DD has a party weekend after next. It's a joint party from two children in her class but the invite says one of the children's names underlined in the top corner (no space to write from a particular child)

Do I interpret this as being an 'invite' from the underlined child and therefore that is who we get a gift for?

Skygirls Fri 07-Jun-13 10:43:33

If it's a joint party for two kids in the same class as your child, then two presents are needed.
I'm having a joint party and the whole class is invited. The kids who come will have a present for my DC and one for the other child. It's both their parties so they both should get presents, IMO.

chubbymomie2012 Fri 07-Jun-13 10:49:54

So half the cost for birthday parents twice the expense for the attendee parents.

unlucky83 Fri 07-Jun-13 11:49:31

Unless your DD is only friendly/plays with the underlined child you will need two presents...
I did this for my DD2 as she had a friend who's birthday was 2 days before hers and otherwise we had to decide how not to clash etc...
If we invited children who the other didn't know etc we wouldn't expect them to bring a present for both ...and this can be tactfully managed...
However we did have one disaster - other child's mum forgot to give the invite to someone whose DC was friendly with both party girls so sent her a text the day before. The mum thought it was only one DCs party. Turned up with one present and card and gave them to other DC in front of my DD. Other birthday child's mum was mortified, apologised and tried to give me the present...then when it was cake time the invited child's mum realised too and was mortified ..but my DD actually took it pretty well...
(Now DD2 (6) has her own parties and she has a charity collection rather than present -I think a big party is more than enough without all the presents too -and luckily DD2 agrees)

MERLYPUSS Fri 07-Jun-13 11:51:05

I did a joint party for my DTs. I invited both classes. Some kids bought 2 presents some bought for their class mate only. No problem.
If your DD knows both then I would be inclined to buy 2 pressies at the normal value I spend. After all if they had the parties on consecutive weekends you would buy 2?
Good on the parents if they can split the cost. I would've loved to. The only cost halved is the entertainment and the venue hire. They will still need party bags, food and birthday cake for 2 lots of friends (all assuming they have family and not just the class).

oohaveabanana Fri 07-Jun-13 11:53:25

When I've done joint parties we've always asked for only one present but have made it very explicit ... Unless it's explicit I'd feel you should do two presents. You could try asking underlined mum what their dc and what the other dc would like as a present - if they are expecting only one present they'll spot you're planning two & then you'll know

(NB I always buy little present and card for the child I don't have to buy for - but at the bottle of bubbles level)

5madthings Fri 07-Jun-13 11:56:00

I buy a present.for the for.the other child.

If my.child is good friends.with both then i would get them a present of equal.value each.

5madthings Fri 07-Jun-13 11:58:16

My ds2 is having a joint party next month, he is invting.eight friends.and.he inviting.eigjt, i assume he wont get.presemts.from.the.other.children.

unlucky83 Fri 07-Jun-13 11:59:05

chubby cost wasn't the biggest issue for us - it was more not wanting to fill a whole weekend with birthday parties...but because it was cheaper we had 'better' parties (more expensive venues, more children) and gave party bags with a decent toy in ...
Maybe just spend half what you normally would on a present for both ...or look at it like being invited to twins parties - my DD1 had two sets in her class (and I have twin brothers -so know what it like for them - I would get them both a 'normal' and if appropriate different present) ...

Skygirls Fri 07-Jun-13 21:40:50

chubby "so half the cost for birthday parents twice the expense for the attendee parents"

Yes the birthday parents split the cost of the party, but it's far more expensive to host a party for 30 kids with food, party bag, venue, balloons...

Presents don't have to be expensive. Argos have an offer on toys where you get two for £15. That's £7.50 each for something quite nice, not that expensive. Sainsburys also have loads of decent toys and games for around the £6 mark, and ToysRus are pretty cost effective too.

In the scheme of things, 2presents for £15 to attend a joint party which can cost about £400 upwards for that many kids is not a big ask.

christinarossetti Fri 07-Jun-13 21:51:00

No, it's not a 'big ask' but some parents (myself being one of them) would feel uncomfortable with someone that neither me nor my child knew well buying them a present just because they were having a joint party with someone my child was friends with.

In these circumstances, I would only buy a present for the child I knew ie the child underlined. If I knew the other child a little, I would buy them a token gift.

Tbh, I think if parents want to organise and pay for a party costing £400 and upwards then that's their look out. It doesn't have any bearing at all on whether people bring a gift for a child they don't know.

DeepRoots Fri 07-Jun-13 22:13:36

Thanks everyone. I think she just plays with one of the children. I work full time so don't have a lot to do with the playground parents. DD seems to be a social butterfly so I'll probably do the two present thing. They just won't be very exciting or personal gifts. Argos sounds like a good idea.

Skygirls Fri 07-Jun-13 22:44:22

On the whole I agree with you, christinarossetti about not getting a present for the child you don't know, or only a token one, but I'm only writing from my own experience and circumstances of my dc's class.

All the kids in the class know each other, and it is with another child from this class that the joint party is with.
So all the invitees know the birthday kids very well.

In this situation, the invitations said " x & y would like to invite you...." Etc.
Therefore, in this situation I think that a present should be bought for each child, as both children are inviting the others.

In the case of the op, she should probably clarify with the parent of the underlined child if she was specifically invited by that child.

If both children invited, then in etiquette terms, both should have presents. If only one child invited, then the present should be bought for that child.

I also don't understand your comment about "that's their lookout" if parents choose to split the cost of an expensive party. Lookout for what? I'm not saying that the kids should get presents because it's an expensive party.

christinarossetti Fri 07-Jun-13 23:22:40

It was a response to you saying that parents spending £15 on presents for a party that costs upwards of £400 is 'not a big ask'.

If you or anyone else wants to spend £400 on a children's party then go for it, but that has no bearing on the cost of presents that people bring or don't bring imvho.

Skygirls Fri 07-Jun-13 23:42:20

Thanks for clarifying.
Maybe I did not express myself very well. Of course the cost of the party has no bearing on the cost of the gifts they bring or don't bring. I totally agree.

I was originally responding to chubbymomie2012 when she said that it was double the expense for attendees parents and half the cost for the birthday parents.

I hold my hands up, I did not express myself very well and should not have mentioned anything to do with party costs.

£15 for 2 presents is really reasonable IMO, regardless of the party.

mixedmamameansbusiness Sat 15-Jun-13 14:50:56

We are having a joint party for DS1 and DS2 this coming birthday but I plan to send invitations from each if them to their friends with no mention of the double nature.

I.e. 'mixed1 is having a party, please come' and 'mixed2 ...'

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now