Smoking!

[sugartipss]

Just learnt my son who is 22 has been smoking for months. Yes, yes he's an adult, but he's also currently unemployed (due to covid) and gets financial support from all family members while he's wasting money on smokes. He pays no rent (only ever paid once which I know is my fault), but recently he's had his MOT paid for him which cost £500, his food bought for him and anything else he needs. He gets UC and that is meant to keep
Petrol in his car and food but as a parent and doing what a parent does and helps wherever possible I feel a tad mugged off 'cause I wouldn't be helping if he knew he was wasting money on tobacco.

I lost my shit tonight because he has asthma and I really feel annoyed because he lied to me and I genuinely thought we had a good relationship. I smelt it on him months ago and explained that it was unfair that he wastes his money on that shit when i am supporting him and he agreed and apologised, seems that meant nothing. I am really disappointed. It could be worse, drugs etc... I think it's also because he knows I really struggle financially and I always go without for him while he is affording to smoking.

I don't know if I SHOULD be annoyed or I'm overreacting?

[Aquamarine1029]

Stop giving him money. I would.

[BananaPop2020]

Stop funding him, accept he is an adult and will do whatever he wants. Parenting doesn’t mean you have to facilitate a grown mans lifestyle choices. Why on Earth has his MoT been paid for?

[sugartipss]

He didn't have £500 and his UC hadn't come through. He needed 4 tyres and a bunch of other stuff otherwise he didn't have a vehicle to get to interviews (when they're happening) as we live in the middle of nowhere.

I shouldn't help him but he's an only child and suffers with severe depression so I feel protective - not so much now he's been taking the pee!

[Aquamarine1029]

You're not being protective, you're enabling him. Start treating him like the adult he is. He's not a child anymore and he needs to be held accountable for his choices.

[BananaPop2020]

Thing is, there is a difference between helping him and enabling him. He is choosing to spend money on cigarettes rather than food or petrol, and living rent free knowing you will foot the bill.

[WorraLiberty]

If he's been smoking for months then it's very likely he's an addict.

'Losing your shit' with an addict will produce absolutely zero positive results.

Can you help him kick his addiction by possibly looking up smoking cessation at your GP surgery or local Pharmacy?

[sugartipss]

He does buy petrol!....

[MrsTerryPratchett]

If he's been smoking for months then it's very likely he's an addict.

And if he has MH issues, smoking could be a form of self medication. I'd support with an eye on cessation. Like any addiction.

[Dollyparton3]

Did he not know before his car went in for MOT that he needed 4 tyres? It's not rocket science to check. I'm f he needs the car to get to work he should be budgeting in advance for maintenance.

This is also what credit cards are there for, not the bank of mum

[sugartipss]

Yes he did know, but as I mentioned he lost his job due to covid.