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Those of you whose ‘graduated’ DCs came home this year - how are they coping?

(8 Posts)
50teen Fri 23-Oct-20 13:55:37

And more to the point, how are you?

My DD, 22, returned from uni mid lockdown. Finished her degree, obtained a first, all great. However, she seems to be struggling to adapt to the realities of life at the moment.

She’s applying for grad schemes in a particular field but no joy so far and they are all such lengthy processes, not to mention the number of candidates. This is really getting her down. However, she has been given a job on a temporary basis in a related field which is an opportunity lots of young people don’t have. Whilst she seems to appreciate her good luck here, it’s a very administrative role and seems to bore her rigid, resulting in fairly endless moaning which is wearing me down.

So, it’s just the two of us at home, both wfh, me in a pretty senior role. I’m struggling to know how to respond to her seemingly endless worries at the moment. It feels like she has set herself extremely high expections of the perfect job, car, flat etc and is coming down to earth with a bump. We had tears again last night over something pretty minor and I’m torn between empathetic and giving her a bit of a talking to!

Before anyone asks, I don’t think she is depressed. Probably a bit on the anxious side (as am I) but she’s motivated, exercises regularly, has good contact with friends as far as is currently possible.

I honestly don’t think I’ve raised her in the expectation that she will over achieve but I’m at a loss as to how to help her at the moment.

Any thought appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
CorianderLord Fri 23-Oct-20 14:06:21

I get this, education doesn't set you up for the reality of eight hour days and less than a fifth of the holidays that you had at uni. She's probably bored out of her skull with the work, stressed because she hasn't adapted to the routine yet and like you said - she expected more.

We're told at school/uni that if you just work hard enough - like she has getting a first - then you can get your dream job/flat/car. Unfortunately, that's not true at all and it can be devastating and scary to think you might not get what you expected to do. The mundanity can be a shock.

I'd offer sympathy as it's an especially hard time to start FT work. Remind her that every job is a journey to get to her dream job and that she needs to learn from and get stuck into this role in preparation. Looking at life as something to get through until you reach the perfect end goal is a sure fire way to hate the journey.

DuesToTheDirt Fri 23-Oct-20 14:09:06

I have 2 recent graduates at home. One has got a job in her chosen field and is doing fine,the other has no job and doesn't know what she wants to do, which makes it to get anywhere. Jobs won't just fall into her lap, she needs to get proactive. She has applied for some temporary jobs (no luck so far), but no graduate jobs yet. The worst year ever to graduate!

No moaning from either of them though.

DuesToTheDirt Fri 23-Oct-20 14:11:10

Oh and my working daughter is low paid but is fine with that, for now. She is young and doesn't expect the perfect life for a while yet. Also, she couldn't care less about flash cars etc!

50teen Fri 23-Oct-20 14:40:04

@CorianderLord - I think that’s a really good analysis of the situation. It was over 30 years ago when I graduated so my memory is hazy, but I think I experienced something similar in terms of being very bored in my first job. The thing is, you go from being at the top of your intellectual game at uni, to being the person taking the minutes which requires minimal mental effort.

@DuesToTheDirt - that sounds like your two are pretty level headed which is great.

I don’t think it’s so much the material elements that bother her as much as the feeling that life has stalled/. As we know, it’s all being made much worse this year.

OP’s posts: |
DuesToTheDirt Fri 23-Oct-20 15:45:23

I worry about the future though. The one with a job will be OK as her field of work is still active, but for the one without ...

I keep reading how the graduates of the last recession in 2008 still have damaged career prospects several years later....sad

50teen Fri 23-Oct-20 18:37:14

I know @DuesToTheDirt, it makes it hard to keep being encouraging when the economic situation is so bad. I feel for them, I really do.

OP’s posts: |
Mumisnotmyonlyname Tue 27-Oct-20 18:20:09

University is hopeless at preparing people for the job market. She would benefit from looking at what jobs are skill shortages and matching herself to that. First jobs, and often second, usually don't meet hopes and expectations, IMO. she needs all the time to be on the lookout for the skills she could acquire that her employers require, and try to fit that, and get experience in that.

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