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What would you do differently?(18 Posts)
I was wondering if you could parent your older children all over again would you do anything differently?
I had mine in my mid 20's. A very unhappy (and unhealthy) marriage, the only child of 2 alcoholic parents and my life at times was fraught and stressful.
I think I would have been kinder to my 2. Nicer. If only I knew then what I know now. I'm actually enjoying them now (22 and 23) more than I ever did.
I should have been MUCH kinder. I was way too harsh. I have been thinking this a lot lately, not just inspired by what OP said.
I would have treasured the time with them when they were little more - I had 3 under 4 and always seemed so busy and stressed with things to do. We have a good relationship now but they are flying the nest and I would love to have the time again where I was the centre of their world.
I think I wouldn’t stress the small stuff.
I'd have moved away from my family of origin and started afresh: just my kids and me and far away from some seriously toxic relatives and at the time, a seriously challenging local economy.
Hindsight's a wonderful thing...
Be less tolerant of the time they’ve taken to choose their path and push them more into being actively employed. I tried not to be my parents and went too far in the opposite direction.
I was always so busy (full time job, 3 kids, husband working away). I don't quite know how I would have found the time but I really wish I had just listened to each one more and talked to them more.
I would have left their father many years before our marriage ended. Their lives would have been happier. I would have been less stressed and in hindsight it was only me who had any hand in raising them. I would have moved them from the city we lived in to somewhere more rural. My third much younger daughter has a life with much more freedom because of location
I would have enjoyed them much more when they were babies/toddlers. Life was always so busy. I watch my son and DIL with my new granddaughter and they are so relaxed and get so much pleasure from just having her. I wish I had felt like that.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this recently. My son has taken a wrong path and although I love him with all my heart, I don’t like what he’s turned into.
I have gone back over everything time and time again, wondering if I was too hard on him sometimes, reliving times when I have told him off and wondering if that was the turning point for him.
I had him in my late 20s when I wasn’t in a particularly happy place myself so if I could have my time over I would just be a bit kinder, to us both.
I would have liked to be around more - I was a single parent for a long time in their lives and was out of the house a lot
I think I would have been kinder. There were times when i made them do things they definitely didn't want to do because I felt it was best for them. i look back now and I'm not so sure
I also wish I had listened and talked more. Much more. I had such little time, it was just grabbed in small pieces here and there
i would have dealt with my own issues better - I can see now some of what I suffered rubbed off on them (stress about money/work/anxiety etc.)
I would’ve followed my gut instinct more about where to send them to school, church to attend, and not let my MIL or mum pressure me so much about what they wanted. I would’ve taken much longer maternity leabpve and not lost my temper with them so much and never hit them.Thankfully they’ve turned out ok though!
Been firmer and spoiled them less. I now know that they will still love me if I say no, and that while their dad is pretty crap there are far worse out there and that I need to drop the guilt about that.
I would have pushed harder for assessment of my son, who is clearly undiagnosed high functioning ASD. It would have given me confidence to take him out of school and home school him, and helped him understand himself a bit better.
*I would have treasured the time with them when they were little more - I had 3 under 4 and always seemed so busy and stressed with things to do. We have a good relationship now but they are flying the nest and I would love to have the time again where I was the centre of their world.
I think I wouldn’t stress the small stuff*
Can I ask, do any of you wish you'd had more children, now that they're adults?
@amidone I wish I’d had more now that both of mine are adults, but we had so many memorable holidays and trips and meals out that we wouldn’t have been able to afford if I’d had another two.
To respond to the OP, I wish I hadn’t work weekends when they were younger so that we would have had more family time. I also wish I’d been stricter with money do that they would be able to budget now.
Not a lot, in truth.
I mean, it would have been nice if we'd have more money and could have made different choices about some things, but, presuming the same circumstances, I think we've done a pretty good job, if I'm allowed to say so.
Not much. They’re pretty decent adults and happy.
I had dd1 when I was really young(15).
It wasn't planned and at the time it was hard and my parents were devastated but supportive.
Looking back she would be 28 now she died at 23. We were so close probably because we grew up together.
When she went off to university I was so proud.
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