My dd is being bullied at university.

[needanewnamechange]

My dd has just finally told me that the girls at university hate her and take the piss out of her make her feel like shit that sort of thing . I'm so upset and fuming at the same time . I hate bullies!!
My dd is so timid and doesn't have a nasty bone in her body unlike these bitches .
She's a adult so it's not like I can march down there like if she was in school . We've talked and she's going to see student support tomorrow.
Anyone have any advice on this ?

[bigchris]

The best advice is to find out like minded people through clubs and societies and live with them

If she is in a shared house with these girls help her find somewhere else asap

Same with halls

If you can afford it forego the rent for her happiness if you see what I mean

Also look at living with boys or part boys and girls

[Lailaha]

Suggest she also speaks to her student union, OP, as they can also offer advice about logistical aspects, and also explain how to have the bullying taken further by the university if necessary.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

How awful for your dd, why do people feel the necessity to do this. Just awful for teenagers feeling vulnerable their first time away from home.

I have three dses currently away at uni, and trying to imagine my advice if they have this situation. Definitely she should get some advice from student support. Spread her net as widely as possibly. Join clubs she is interested in, try not to live with students on the same course, try and get a part time job and have friends or colleagues outside of uni life. Come home occasionally so you can build her confidence and she can feel loved.

Ugh, I feel for you. So sad for her.

[Gwynfluff]

Are they course or housemates or both. Most unis have a central support service and/or Union advice shop. Both will help advise her including if she needs to get out of a housing contract.

She also needs to let her personal tutor know in case it is impacting on academic work. If she is a first year and in halls there may also be residence mentors who should be informed. They often help with support and mediation.

[TheMotherofAllDilemmas]

She needs to find her niche away from these girls. The less time she spends around them the better, and that doesn’t mean staying in her room. First step is talking to student support, second is to check the student union to find if there is a society that shares her interests. Once she has a more active life outside, she won’t care so much about what these girls do and they will not have so much effect on her.

[needanewnamechange]

Thanks for the advice , I should of mentioned in my op she lives at home but stays with her gf the odd evening as she stays in student accommodation. Her gf not in the same course .
She has joined clubs and made friends with others which I've reminded her of so it's only lectures she sees them . It's just that it makes her not want to go to lectures and she struggles with anxiety so this is making it worse .
Good advice about the student union thank you .
My dd tends to keep things bottled up and doesn't speak to me as she's said your busy mum . I've said to her that I've always got time for her .
Why do people feel it necessary to make others feel like shit it never stops just cause you get into adulthood they seak out the weak unfortunately.
Is bullying dealt with at university?

[needanewnamechange]

Sorry just to clarify it's girls on her course in lectures that are being horrible .

[gavisconismyfriend]

Universities generally have very low (zero) tolerance for bullying. Your DD should definitely tell someone. If she is on a course with small numbers of students and/or a professional programme (nursing, healthcare etc.) then she should speak to the course leader who may be able to step in.

[Lailaha]

If it's lectures, ideally suggest she speaks to the Head of Department, but otherwise, one of the course leaders: they'll take a very dim view, and they will definitely want to know that this is going on. Solidarity to your DD - bullies are the pits

[thereinmadnesslies]

I work in this area. The university should have a policy on bullying/harassment that would cover these type of actions. Where I work we would potentially put a conduct agreement in place which would have more serious ramifications if breached.
There should also be a university counselling service to provide support and help your daughter move forwards positively.

[bigchris]

Oh I see

How are they being horrible in lectures?

Is it just she hasn't clicked with anyome and doesn't have anyome to sit with?

[bigchris]

If it's an LGBT issue the uni will have a society to help

[needanewnamechange]

@bigchris don't think it's a lgbt thing she said they just take the piss out of her mainly . I think it's just odd comments here and there she's not really told me what they've said .

[needanewnamechange]

All good advice thanks, she thinks that they won't do anything to help but I've said they will .
I feel a bit useless like I wish I could do something but I know she's a adult and I need to give her advice and support her .

[Gwynfluff]

They will definitely offer support. Also work jn HE in student support. If she likes her personal tutor or another course academic, tell her to have a chat

[reefedsail]

How bullied can you be in a lecture? Can't she just turn up last minute, sit up at the top, or right down the front near the lecturer, and leave promptly at the end?

[needanewnamechange]

She hasn't told me all the details but it's mainly silly sniggering at her taking the piss , making her feel self conscious for speaking etc . It's all very childish some people never grow up . I suppose it's making her very anxious to go to lectures.
She is quite shy as I was at her age now I'd say oh f** off .

[mcmen05]

Why are girls so mean.
You would really think when they would go to uni they would be more mature.
This is teenage behaviour a girl in my dd2 age 14 calls her a tranny because she has a deep voice and discriminating against her because off going to school over the border constantly telling her she doesn't belong. I reported it too school.
Dd1 was told this week by a student in her class you will never have to worry about A levels as she wasnt smart enough to do them girls are just pure mean
Hand hold to you and your dd

[whyayepetal]

This is rotten for your DD, OP. Does she know if the uni have a student code of conduct at all? Most places have something like this, and if they do it might be useful in dealing with the issue. I work on a SCITT course for trainee teachers, and something like this would definitely result in personal tutors having a quiet word in the first instance, followed by similar from the course director if no joy, and then formal warnings etc if necessary. If her friend was in this situation, I’m willing to bet that she would advise her friend to report this as bullying. She needs to be just as kind to herself. Good luck to her (and you)

[VivaLeBeaver]

Definitely speak to her personal tutor about it. I’m a lecturer and personal tutor and I have got involved in this sort of stuff before. I won’t put up with nastiness from one student to another.

[lljkk]

May I ask what course she is on, OP?
At least she hasn't had to see any of them for 6 months, so maybe things will be different now they all lost habits of how they used to interact.