Daughter with social anxiety

[Stickbyyou2014]

I just don't know what to do next! I have always done everything for my daughter but she seems to never appreciate what I do for her. I know she says I'm a cow/ bitch for no reason as that's all I ever do is things for her! Come on she's 23 years old and I do parcels for her, cooking, washing, shopping and I get it thrown back in my face. Her dad never spoke to her for a year but I was there for her but no he can't do no wrong, she says love you all the time to him something she never says to me. I told him I can't take much more but sadly he is a yellow belly and won't speak to her. I feel so unloved, unwanted and I have come to the conclusion that I should back right off and let her do things for herself and I feel I cant even look at her atm.
Am I doing the right thing!

[MusicTeacherSussex]

I'd stop bothering, see if her precious pa fancies doing it.

[Aquamarine1029]

I have always done everything for my daughter

That's the problem, I'm afraid. She is 23 and completely useless and dependent. She has been crippled by never learning how to manage life for herself.

[zoobincan]

Your title says she has social anxiety but your post is about you doing her washing?

[Stickbyyou2014]

Yes and this is the problem I feel she plays on the fact she has social anxiety so I end up doing more things for her! So yes I need to let her do things for herself and take that huge leap back. She will hate me for it but it has to be done.
She's not speaking to me at the moment, for what reason that I don't know.

[EdWest]

Well, her attitude towards her dad is just idealism, isn't it? He's not there dealing with the actual day to day stuff so the grass wherever he is, is greener. Bummer for you, OP. But yes, you are doing the right thing; back off gradually, try not to get dragged into the inevitable emotional storms, try to be serene earth mother.

[followingonfromthat]

In what way does her social anxiety manifest itself in other ways, unrelated to what happens indoors? Does she have a job?

[blacksax]

Er.. hardly know where to start actually.

Does her dad live with you or are you separated/divorced? Why didn't he talk to her for a year? Why won't he talk to her now? Has your dd had her social anxiety professionally diagnosed, has the cause been identified and has she had any treatment or counselling for it? Is she an only child or does she have siblings, and if so, do they live at home, and how old are they?