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Adult kids paying board

(20 Posts)
Silbury1967 Fri 27-Dec-19 20:27:09

Our adult kids have always paid 20% of their wages towards their keep. They're happy with this but I've been working out the bills and one of them is now paying over the amount needed towards the bills because they're earning more than the others.
My husband says it's fine as it's only a few pounds over and it helps towards wear and tear in the house, fuel for running them round etc but I feel mean charging anything at all above what it actually costs to keep them. Am I being silly for worrying over a couple of quid?

OP’s posts: |
ElluesPichulobu Fri 27-Dec-19 21:26:44

it's good for them in principle to be paying a good chunk out of their wages towards the household. tbh 20% is way too low unless you know they are saving a huge chunk of their take- home pay too. one of the worst and most damaging things you can do to a young adult is facilitate them getting used to a large disposable income.

if I were you I would continue to keep the 20% and either put it into a savings account or put it towards some modest increase in quality of lifestyle for the household. eg you could use it to subscribe to a pay TV service you don't currently get

HeartZone Fri 27-Dec-19 21:29:28

Following with interest.

Is this 20% of take home pay? After student loan deductions, tax, in, pensions?

Or 20% of gross pay.

Bluerussian Fri 27-Dec-19 21:33:34

20% sounds about right to me.

Silbury1967 Fri 27-Dec-19 21:33:50

Take home pay.

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Silbury1967 Fri 27-Dec-19 21:36:09

Ok, I've just sat down and worked out all household bills to the penny. One of them is paying over by £2 a week. Husband says I'm being ridiculous worrying about this. I think I should reduce their board by £2 a week. Adult child says I'm being ridiculous too.

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PlanDeRaccordement Fri 27-Dec-19 21:36:23

How old are you adult kids? Do they just work or are they also in full time education?

ringme Fri 27-Dec-19 21:37:40

Just leave it, £2 is not worth the aggro.

Silbury1967 Fri 27-Dec-19 21:38:00

Mid to late twenties. All working.

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PlanDeRaccordement Fri 27-Dec-19 21:39:14

I am leaning towards you OP. If we’re talking 20+ yr olds who are not also in FT education, then they should be treated like adult housemates and pay their fair share, no less or no more than any other adult towards house bills. So even if it’s £2 over, that means you/your DH are paying less than them towards house bills.

MrsPworkingmummy Fri 27-Dec-19 21:44:19

I think you're being silly worrying about it OP. 20% is too low in my opinion! Surely by mid to late twenties, they should be in their own homes? Allowing your grown-up children to become used to a large disposable income is not a good idea. Could you take more (e.g 50%) but put the additional money aside as a house deposit?

Silbury1967 Fri 27-Dec-19 21:46:59

They have moved out before but have come home due to different circumstances.

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Silbury1967 Fri 27-Dec-19 21:48:59

They are saving for their own places but it's really tough nowadays.

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thehorseandhisboy Fri 27-Dec-19 21:50:05

If the adult child also thinks it's ridiculous, I would leave it.

You need to decide whether you're going to ask for 20%, so amounts will go up if someone gets a pay rise, or possibly go down if unemployment/sickness etc or 'split' the bills between all of you equally.

If it's 20% of take home pay, then the person earning more should contribute more, surely?

yips Fri 27-Dec-19 22:00:56

Put the £2 in a savings account for them - they can spend it on a nice table or something when they move out 😁

Silbury1967 Fri 27-Dec-19 22:06:32

As my husband says I never ask for petrol money if they need a lift anywhere so I haven't factored that into the bills. I guess I should just write off the £2 a week as being towards petrol.

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BackforGood Fri 27-Dec-19 22:13:16

Your dh is right.
You are being ridiculous.
If they were paying rent they'd lose several hundred £ pm before they even got on to 'expenses'.

PlanDeRaccordement Fri 27-Dec-19 22:39:38

Allowing your grown-up children to become used to a large disposable income is not a good idea.

I’m not sure why you are advocating taking 50% of their take home pay for the above reason. OPs children are mid to late 20s. They should absolutely be learning how to manage all their money by then (preferably before then). If after bills, they have a lot left over that doesn’t mean it’s all disposable income. An adult has to learn to set aside money for retirement and other savings goals. The way to teach is NOT to enact a parent tax of 50% but to only take what it truly costs for them to live with you.

To teach kids to be good savers, you have to let them handle most of their money so they get in the habit of saving. Taking away their extra money only gets them in the habit of paying bills (others) and spending the rest.

Dogleg Sat 28-Dec-19 09:22:26

DS is 19 and as an apprentice takes home around 1k a month. He pays for all his food outside of the home (at work and college) runs his own car and saves into a help to buy ISA. He’s not wasteful with his money, doesn’t drink or smoke and is approaching savings of 5 figures.

He’s only here to eat in the evenings and uses very little utilities really. I did start taking £80 a month but soon dropped it to £50 and the last few months I’ve not even taken that. I figure that he’s sensible, saving and so therefore as we can afford to ‘keep’ him he’s better off saving a good deposit up.

Bluerussian Sat 28-Dec-19 22:00:34

You don't say how many adult children you have, Silbury, or how old they are. I imagine they are saving for their own places in which case you taking 20% seems OK, people generally help their young adult children to get on their feet when they are working.

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