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Please help me(9 Posts)
I've been a SP for 15 years and my girls are now 17, 18 and 25. The older one is married, middle at uni and youngest with me and her dad 50/50. Their dad rang me this morning to say none of them want anything to do with me/stay with me/receive texts from me. They said I am too smothering. They gave just cut me off like that. I don't know what to do and I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I had a brain injury 5 years ago which has affected me in many ways plus I have EUPD and PTSD.
All I want to know is is this normal for adult children to cut you off or can I repair this? They said I text them too much and they can't cope.
Yes, it is very common sadly. You need to be kind to yourself and take on board what your daughters are saying.
Do you have any hobbies, interests, other people in your life? Try and focus on these and try and stop the negative thoughts going round and round in your head by distracting yourself.
Keep a journal, read up on co-dependancy, accessing sites that deal with this issue will help you understand it better.
I'm very sorry for your pain, op. Do your children have cause to feel this way? Are you in fact smothering them?
If there is any chance of repairing this, the first thing you have to do is honour their wishes and give them space.
Oh dear, this is so sad for you.
Take heart, they are still very young and probably still very under their dad's influence too. It may be that they've decided this "as a group" but once they're all a bit independent of each other things will be different. Down the line one of them at least may find they need and miss you more than they thought.
I think you have to honour what they want in the meantime. Don't text or contact them, however tough it is. Give them a bit of time to sort their heads out and hopefully even miss you. Find other things to fill that gap.
EUPD must be incredibly difficult for your DC to cope with. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with the effects of your brain injury, but it seems that it has made victims of the whole family too.
It sounds as though you need to give all of them space for a while, and see if you can get some help in order to, in time, build that relationship back up.
My sympathies are with all of you. I hope that you can resolve this in the end, but for now, I think you have to respect their request.
Thank you everybody you are so kind and I think you are right. It's so hard because the eldest left home 2 years ago to get married/have children and my 18 yo dd just recently left for uni. Yes it does seem like a collective decision too. I just feel so abandoned and rejected and totally unlovable and unloved. I know that's a combination of my eupd, Ptsd and brain injury. I have support through the CMHT and friends but I know I'm over burdening them too. I just feel like I can't cope on my own. I rang the emergency duty team last night as I wanted to O/D but they didn't ring back til 7 hours later.
All I've got now is my cats.!
Thank you for listening everyone. I literally have no more tears left.
I have no great words of advice but just wanted to say how much I feel for you. I’m sure this will change in time. Can you get out as much as possible for now? Fresh air/excercise- I know it’s basic but it might help. Give them a bit of space. Wish I could be of more use.
Really make a fuss of those cats!
I don't mean that flippantly. My youngest is at uni and oldest has just moved out. I'm still in contact thankfully (I say thankfully as I really think any of us could be in your situation nowadays) but it's lonely at times compared to how the house used to be. My dogs and cat are a huge help. They always love you and they will always be there. Concentrate on other things such as your cats to give your love and time to.
I'm sorry you felt so low and it took you so long to get support. Hang on in there. I think it will get easier eventually.