How much rent to charge 19yr old who has f/t job? ?

[Imtoohot]

My 19yr old has a job which leaves her £900 take home pay. She's living at home, I have worked out our bills and a modest estimate of her portion is about 300. That doesn't include sole use of our car, servicing it, holidays, meals out, days out, coffees (all including her boyfriend) etc etc. The local rent round here is about £600 for a single room in a shared house. I want to charge her rent as she needs to learn how to budget, but I will be saving the majority of it (except food) and will give it back to her when she leaves. What would you charge?

[TimeforanotherChange]

I think £300 is fine personally. I would love to keep 2\3 of my take home pay for myself!

[YobaOljazUwaque]

It is a kindness to charge higher rather than lower, then put some of the difference into a savings account.

When she is earning a bit more and wants some independence she will need to put at least half her take-home into rent and bills, and much of the rest on food and other necessities, and it will be a long time before she has as much as £200 per month left over for fun stuff after all that. If she gets used to spending £600 per month on fun and frivolity because she is living at home and only paying £300 for her keep, it's going to be a very very long time before she attempts independent living.

[Imtoohot]

That's helpful thanks. I can be a bit of a pushover at times...

[Floralnomad]

At 19 she should already know how to budget . I never understand this saving it and giving it back , if you don’t need the money get her to save it , that will teach her a lot more than you doing it on her behalf .

[VirginiaCreeper]

Agree with flora When children are young you teach them how to be independent, why should this stop when they are older. Never mind saving her money for her, teach her financial management and how to invest her money.
If you don't need the money then don't take it off her.
However this is MN and this view will be in a minority.

[Tequilamockinbird]

I don't charge DD any rent. But that's because she's saving approx 60% of her take home pay for a deposit on buying her own place. She pays for her own car and insurance out of the rest. She rarely goes out drinking, preferring to stay in and save her money. She's desperate to buy a place of her own. So I don't mind.

However, if she was out every weekend, and frivolously spending on new clothes, make up, etc, then yes, I'd charge rent.

[Reallybadidea]

I wouldn't charge her more than it actually costs you to keep her unless you actually need the money. But she should probably be paying her way a bit more for the extras IMO.

[Librocubicularist]

I used to pay a contribution, not the market rate. I agree with floralnomad that you shouldn't save for your daughter. I think you should encourage her to save, so that she is more financially aware/independent. Whether she is thrifty or a spendthrift is key.

My approach would be:

• Decide on the amount you wish to charge. Based on your numbers, I would ask her for £350 contribution if you're renting, but would lower it if you have a mortgage.
  
• With her, look at local house prices and work out roughly how much money she would need for a deposit for a suitable sized flat/house as well as fees/costs of buying;
  

• Help her to calculate what her disposable income would be if she were renting using an accurate as possible budget;
• Then get her to work out her own budget for living at home as this will be very straightforward as she probably won't have much in the way of bills other than public transport season tickets, mobile, memberships, etc and the rent;
• From the budget for living at home, it should be very clear how much more disposable income she will have and it will be a lot easier for her to save. She will then be able to see how long it will take for her to save for a house; and

-Look at pensions. Encourage her to put a reasonable amount away, not the minimum required amount.

[Imtoohot]

Thanks, good suggestions for me to think about. Though absolutely no chance of her ever buying round in this area, people with 2 professional wages don't manage it, it has the lowest wages/ highest house prices. My calculations don't include mortgage. I suppose I'm concerned that if I don't save something for her she never will, it being her character.
I feel its not quite as simple as it seems in that we let our older son manage his finances, he got into debt and was then suicidal, and it was just terrible for us all. And this is also related to me having had a life threatening illness over the last few years (I'm still really unwell, and unlikely to get better), and I am trying not to confuse compassion with compensation in my parenting.
So in my head if we save that miney for her that will help her not to go down the same road as my son :-(
Basically I'm confused as I feel so guilty for being so ill and stressing everyone out and my daughter won't leave leave home as she's too anxious about me. And yes we have tried to have family therapy, one of the therapists cried when I told her what had happened and it wasn't helpful... We're just trying to keep on keeping on and on the whole we just about hang in there but every now and then we get tripped up by issues like these. Life will get better I am sure but it's a slog getting there.

[Imtoohot]

Sorry that all kind of fell out. Hadn't realised that was all behind this

[Ebonyandivory2]

I think £300 is way too much she’s still so young. Maybe take her to a financial advisor and encourage her to save. £300 is a third of her pay which seems a little high to me. I earn more than double what she does and my mum only charges me £100 but I save hard now

[IamPickleRick]

I used to pay £300 and buy/cook my own food. So did my brother When I look at these threads I always wonder why I didn’t just move in to a house share back then, I’d probably have paid the same (this was back in 1999.)

[MyDcAreMarvel]

How can her share of bills and food come to anywhere near £300?

[caringcarer]

One adult son brings home £2k each month after paying tax, NI and pension and I charge him £400 pcm which includes super fast broadband which we only have so he can use, Virgin media in his room, Sky sports, BT sports all food and heating, washing powder etc but he buys his own toiletries and does his own washing and drying and he cooks once each week for family. He does no chores at all. Other Adult son earns less £1,300 take home each month, pays less board £70 pw but does a few jobs around house such as empty bins, recycles, changes cat litter for his cat and mine, carries shopping in from car and helps put away and cooks one night each week. He is a far better cook too. He gets same perks as eldest son with Virgin media package and sports in his room. Both will be given £10k deposit if they want to buy a place of their own. Problem is I have had a large loft extension built for them so both have massive bedrooms with fridge in one has a sofa and the other a 2 chairs and share own shower room. I have made them both far too comfortable so neither want to leave home at the moment even with deposit bribe.

[Canklesforankles]

My DD was paying £120 per month but saving really hard and being really sensible so that felt fine. I wanted her to contribute because she was working so it was a bit token. I didn’t want her staying for free but wanted her to be able to save.

[Pipandmum]

People don’t learn how to budget unless they are taught (or get themselves into a financial whole first).
Have you sat down with her and showed her how you budget? She may not need to do it now but she probably has no idea about things like council tax, insurance etc. Most kids just think rent, food, going out. There are budget apps and online tools with spreadsheets. Show her how much she would need to be able to live independently when the time comes. Ask her about saving up for that time, or for buying a car/going on holiday. Is she paying for things like her phone/clothes/transport/going out? She should be.

[Imtoohot]

OK thanks for your ideas, plenty for me to think about

[Comefromaway]

Dd lodges with a family whilst at college and Pays £130 per week including meals and bills.